A little more Nutcracker

Just wanted to give equal time and share a few photos from Act 1.

I ended up with a great seat from which to take photos during the actual performance! I was a few rows back, but with mostly children in front of me. I was able to watch the entire Saturday night performance (which was magnificent) and then the second half of the final performance on Sunday afternoon so I could see Rachel as a Candy Cane (as in the previous post).

Speaking of the arts, I urge you to sign this on-line petition asking President Elect Obama to create a new position, Secretary of the Arts. The petition was started by NYC Opera orchestra bassist Jaime Austria. It's brief and to the point. You can sign and leave your email address as private.

With Visions of Sugar Plums... Sugar Plum Fairies that is!

We are knee deep into Nutcracker season around here. Performances start tonight. I thought I'd share a backstage photo of Rachel in her highly coveted Candy Cane (Russian in other productions) costume! I've been relegated (promoted?) to backstage work this year, so my usual performance/rehearsal photos will be limited. I did get a handful of nice backstage shots of the production in between my cueing and quick changing responsibilities. :)



In addition, I decorated a few more pointe shoes to sell at our boutique at the Nutcracker. Tried to go with a more Christmasy Nutcrackery feel (not sure that those are actual words). Did not get around to doing half of what I planned and blogger only lets me upload so many photos at once, so this is it for now.

*If they don't sell, they will be available for purchase starting next week and can be shipped in time for Christmas. Shoes are in assorted sizes and assorted brands, some are gently used, some are never used. NONE are meant to be danced in. They are strictly for decoration purposes. If you have your eye on one, you need to leave me an email address so I can contact you. I will delete your email address from the comments section so it won't sit there for more than a day.*

I completely forgot to add that you can see another of the pointe shoes over on Scribble Scrabble's blog . For my non-scrapbooker/crafter readers, Scribble Scrabble is a manufacturer of scrapbooking/paper crafting items. They are giving away a full set of their Suzy Snowflake line to a randomly selected reader. All you have to do is post a comment on their blog before Dec 19.

You've Come a Long Way, Baby

Forgive me for a little reminiscing this morning.... or afternoon. It's probably already after noon.



I was a rebel and skipped my weekly Pilates class this morning. I wasn't totally deliquent as I decided to attend a ballet class instead. It's not one of my usual classes, but I have taken this class one other time when there was no Pilates class on a sunny Thursday morning. I walked out of that class knowing that I had used all sorts of tiny little muscles in my back that I had forgotten existed.



Today, I was starting to wonder if I had made the right decision only about 5 minutes into class. Wow. I'll say that again. Wow. We started the class with a version of a floor barre that she (I'll name drop here for the ballet fans only... "she"is Susan Jaffe) learned in Europe at some point. One would think that doing barre exercises on the floor would actually be easier. You don't have to deal with gravity or balance in the same way. Right? Wrong. As I said, within the first exercise I knew I was moving into foreign ground. My muscles were feeling it before we even finished the first exercises, which were all done sitting up. I can't even begin to explain how difficult it is to sit upright during these deceptively simple exercises. And then it gets worse. You do them lying on your back. Finally, she tells you do lay on your belly and we do the same exercises. Just plies, pointe and flex and some passes. Nothing technically difficult, until she gets you to do every single one perfectly. Ouch. Her whole class was simple yet demanding. She gets you to use your muscles correctly constantly.



2 hours later, as I left the class, feeling sore (a good sore) and wondering how bad it will be later (I still have a jazz class to get through tonight, after parent-teacher conferences), it occurred to me that I could have not done any of this 2 years ago. 2 years ago, my exercise was going to physical therapy. Putting my arms into 5th position, above my head? That would have been impossible. It's all so foreign now. I feel so physically removed from that time.... and I love that! I really have come a very, very long way. I don't see that distance often. I don't give myself enough credit. But I will today. :) And, after Pilates ends in a few weeks, I'll be doing this floor barre routine on at least a weekly basis.



This week was also a return to Cancerville in so many ways. I had my 6 month breast surgeon visit. All was well. Had a full physical this week as well. Good news all around, though I am waiting on blood work. Good news for me. Good news for my sister who has just one more chemo session to go. Not so good news for a friend who learned that her disease has not responded to the treatment she has endured this fall. Plus there are several others I've spoken to or corresponded with this week who are still in the early stages of dealing with cancer. It's too much.



And now for my ads:



Only 10 days left to get the advance ticket sale pricing for the Nutcracker. :)

http://www.dancevisionnj.org/buy_nutcracker_tickets



and



crowdSPRING, hire Kelly Purkey for your new Community Marketing Manager!

Party Girls, Candy Canes and The Nutcracker

I still don't understand why Marie/Clara is so excited to get a nutcracker when all the other girls get American Girl dolls in Victorian era clothing. But I do understand that Rachel is beyond excited to be appearing in her third Nutcracker.

She had the same two roles in her first two Nutcrackers in 2006 and 2007. She played a bon-bon in Act 2 (polichinelle in some productions) and was a party child in Act 1. More specifically, she was a party boy. She was thrilled to be in the party scene the first go round, was OK with it the second go round, but her eye was on the prize the whole time. She truly wanted to be a party girl. In our production, the party girls are a bit older than most of the boys.... at least than the girls who are playing boys. This year, we have a few more boys so there is less of a need for little girls to play boys as well.

So, enter the drama this year. What would our lives be without a little drama now and then? Rachel knew she was too big to be a party boy again. The problem is that she was the smallest of the girls under consideration to be a party girl and almost did not get the role as the smallest costume is still a little big. Fortunately, in the end, she was given the part and all was well with the world.

That brings me to my point in making this entry. If you are local or reasonably close to central NJ and want to see this spectacular in person (and it IS spectacular, with a 98% student cast performing choreography set by world renowned ballerina, Susan Jaffe), you can purchase tickets online at http://www.dancevisionnj.org/buy_nutcracker_tickets . Rachel will be appearing as a Candy Cane (Russian in some productions) on Friday night December 5 at 7 pm and on Sunday afternoon December 7 at 4 pm. She will be a party girl on December 6 Saturday at 7 pm and December 7 Sunday at noon.

Mom, on the other hand, will be back stage this year. So, if you do plan to attend, let us know which performance so we can find you afterwards.

Halloween, revisited

Look at that! 2 posts in one day. I even have a third one floating around my head that might make it from my brain to the keyboard.

We'll see.

In the meantime, here are the various incarnations of Rachel's Halloween costume this year.

The original version, from our annual costume photo shoot on the canal.

Then, we have the version she wore to the school 5th and 6th grade Halloween dance party. We came directly from ballet, so she's actually wearing her ballet uniform leotard. She decided it was too hot and too fussy to wear the wig. Kind of funny how she discovered that cheap wigs are hot and itchy. Of course, she did not listen to me when I told her that in the first place. That's OK. All part of being a teenager. Oh.. that's right.. she's still got 2 years until she is a teenager!!

And here is the version that she actually wore on Halloween. I believe she called herself a "punk fairy" this night. She went to a friend's house to trick or treat. You can't tell in this photo of our yard, but we really don't have many nearby neighbors. Just one. After trick or treating, they were joined by another friend to watch scary movies. They watched "Poltergeists." It was brand new for all of them. :o It must hold up well. Scared the dickens out of Rachel. She had trouble sleeping that night!

Race for the Cure.. a few photos

I know, I know. These are overdue.

I am just not into blogging at the moment, I suppose. But, I did get one single request for these photos, so here they are!

We have Rachel in the T-shirt she and I made. They say "2 Sisters 2 Young 4 This" on the front, in the form of a math equation because , after all, we are a family of math geeks. We made matching shirts for both Lucas and Hannah, but Lucas did not want to put his on and Hannah was not interested in showing hers off.

The only reason this photo was even taken was because a sorority girl asked Beth if she could take her picture for their scrapbook. I remember our sorority keeping a scrapbook back in the day. It's funny. I was wearing the same pink survivor shirt that everyone else was wearing. Yet, when I went up to various booths, I was not recognized as a survivor. You'd think it might have been the hair, but I think no chemo is more common than chemo these days. It could have been the age, but I think I'm looking pretty old these days. Whatever.

Stay tuned for post #2. I have pink Halloween pictures to follow. :)

An entry to end a month of pinkwashing

Now, this is a survivor! I'd even go out on a limb and say she was cured. Unfortunately, in the world of breast cancer, you cannot be pronounced cured until you manage to die from something else. We have no cure. Just treatments. There is such a thing as "no evidence of disease," but unfortunately, that is not the same thing as a cure.


http://www.jacksonville.com/tu-online/stories/103108/met_350169631.shtml


Approaching her 101st birthday, she says it "is not a death sentence."
By SHAKAYA ANDRES, The Times-Union

Times were different - to say the least - when Ruth Mooneyhan got breast cancer more than six decades ago.

Surgery was performed only one way because doctors knew so little about the disease. It wasn't talked about openly, the way people do today. And after-care? When Mooneyhan couldn't afford a prosthesis after a radical mastectomy of her right breast, she took matters into her own hands.
She made her own.

"A lady at Sears Roebuck cut me out a pattern," said Mooneyhan, who grew up in Marianna but now lives at a nursing home on Jacksonville's Westside. "I put my own pockets in."

Mooneyhan is believed by the American Cancer Society to be one of the oldest - if not the oldest - breast cancer survivors in the U.S. At 100, she is inspiring family and friends who marvel at her resilience after being afflicted with a disease whose mortality rate in the 1940s was as high as 50 percent.

Ernest Mooneyhan was 15 when his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1943. He still admires her ability to cope with breast cancer at the young age of 35.

"She's definitely been an inspiration to me," he said. "She didn't let anything get her down. She's very close to the Lord. She believes it's because of the Lord's mercy and grace that she's still living."

The memories of suffering from breast cancer are a bit foggy for Ruth Mooneyhan, but one thing is certain: They will never be completely forgotten.

"I didn't know what [breast cancer] was, but I knew it was serious in my own mind," she said.

Mooneyhan was married with five children, all under 18, when she felt a lump in her right breast. She remembers how painful it was when she rubbed down on the lump.
"It was just a sore. [It felt] like a boil," she said. After doctoring the lump with cold packs and other home remedies for about a week, she gave up and went to a physician. The news wasn't good: A biopsy revealed breast cancer.

"I was heartbroken when the doctor told me ... I was scared," she said. "I never thought I'd live to see my children grow up."

She sat on the porch crying and praying before the surgery, and then she got her answer.
"A thought dropped down in my heart saying 'you'll see him larger than he is today,' " she said of her 2-year-old son, who she was swinging. "I saw him get grown and another one, too. It was an answered prayer."

She wasn't the only one scared. Her family was, too. They didn't know anything about cancer or anyone to turn to for answers.

Ernest said he remembers vividly the anguish his family went through the day his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.

"We were scared she had to have surgery," he said. "I think it would have been a real encouragement to her if she knew somebody [who could relate]."

Officials with the American Cancer Society's Florida division confirmed that tumor registries didn't begin until after World War II, and mass screenings for breast cancer weren't being done before then.

"Wow, I've never heard of someone [who has survived breast cancer for so many years]," said Lisa Braswell, a spokeswoman for the division.

In the early part of the 20th century, there was only one standard treatment for breast cancer, added Troy Guthrie, director of education and research at Baptist Cancer Institute. Radiation was in its beginning stages, and chemotherapy and hormonal therapy were non-existent.

"They have made enormous improvements in treatment and technology," said the 34-year oncologist. "[Doctors'] understanding of how to do the surgery then [was] not as nearly as good as today."

Death rates have significantly declined over the years - to 21.4 percent in Florida, according to the state Department of Health - with increased public awareness, improved breast cancer surgery and superior screenings.

For Mooneyhan, doctors in Marianna didn't have the equipment to perform a Halsted radical mastectomy - the disfiguring and debilitating standard surgery in the '40s in which the breast, chest muscles and all of the lymph nodes under the arm are removed.

She was referred to Jacksonville, where she stayed at her sister-in-law's house for a month after her surgery.

After the procedure, she went back for x-rays of her chest every month for years as a precaution to make sure the cancer didn't reappear.

Now, just months away from celebrating her 101st birthday, Mooneyhan said she is blessed to have lived a fulfilled life. She wants to encourage women with breast cancer to hold on to their faith.

"I just had faith and believed that the Lord would bring [me] through," she said. "[Breast cancer] is not a death sentence."

It's almost over!

Yes! Pink month is almost over. :) Are you aware? I sure am.

I've had billions of blog entries floating around in my head, but nothing that I felt compelled to put to paper.. err.. keyboard.

I do have pictures to share. They are all very pink, so I hope you'll pardon me. While pink is a color that I do actually like and has been one of my favorites for a long time, I'm just tired of pink at the moment, so I just might not share my Race for the Cure photos nor Rachel's Halloween photos (we did a pre-Halloween photo shoot on the canal) until after Nov 1.

On other fronts, it is that time of year again. The Nutcracker is rapidly approaching and I will be doing more decorated pointe shoes to sell at our boutique. They are available for purchase directly through me as well, with all the profits going directly to DanceVision. To answer other questions that have come up, the shoes are NOT meant to be danced in and come in a variety of sizes- basically whatever I am given to work with. I can post pics of these later next month as well.

In the meantime, I *can* share some other photos, and maybe even make you hungry.

These cheesy garlic biscuits remind me very much of the biscuits from Red Lobster. Better yet, they are pretty quick and easy to make. This recipe comes courtesy of Alisa Bangerter and PaperCraft Magazines upcoming special issue, PC Gourmet.

Cheesy Garlic Drop Biscuits
INGREDIENTS
2 c. flour
2 tbsp. granulated sugar
4 tsp. baking powder
1 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 tsp. salt
2/3 c. butter or margarine
1 1/2 c. grated cheddar cheese
1 1/4 c. milk
Chives (optional)

DIRECTIONS
Mix together dry ingredients. Cut in butter with pastry cutter until mixture is fine. Add cheese and mix well. Add milk and stir until just moistened. Drop by spoonfuls onto greased baking sheet. Sprinkle top with chopped dried or fresh chives if desired. Bake at 400 degrees for approx. 15 minutes


I admit that I don't have a pastry cutter and I'm not sure I'd know what one looks like unless perhaps my 11 yo daughter pointed it out. I do have a nice Kitchen Aid mixer (thank you Martha) and it works quite well for this purpose!

And all that jazz!

So, you've followed my adventures in cancerland. You've followed my return to the world of twirly girls as I went back to ballet after about 25 years.



You've probably guessed it already. If you are a friend on Facebook you already know.



I went back to jazz class this week.



The break was not quite as long as ballet. I did continue jazz classes a bit longer, on a rather irregular schedule, until medical school began. So, instead of almost a 25 year break, it's closer to a little over 20 years. Like that makes a difference!



And even better, this was an adult beginner Broadway jazz class. Quite unlike the advanced adult ballet class I jumped right into back in January. It was easy and there was nothing complex. It did not require anywhere the same amount of brain power that I require to even get through the first exercises at the barre in ballet. And thank goodness for that because this class is at night and I am not sure I am capable of doing that sort of thinking that late in the evening. Critical medical thinking, yes. But retaining complex combinations in my head and then performing them, and even reverse, flipping them to the left side, no!



Don't get me wrong. It might not have been a mental stretch, however, it was definitely a physical stretch! I do have a natural turn out and have to think to stand in parallel. It came back to me that it was always a challenge to go from ballet to jazz class. And while it might not have required the same level of brain power on my part, it's not like I wasn't wishing there was a shower in the studio when I walked out of the class!



Did I mention the class was fun? What a blast it was! There were 4 of us, all in our 40's. I am excited because all of us are committed to continuing with the class. One of the others is even trying to figure out when she can get to the adult ballet classes now. Ah yes... another addict has been created. The instructor is a riot. He takes much of the classic Luigi style warm-up and uses them in his own way with a heavy dose of humor. I've watched the kids and even older teens take his class and they are smiling the whole time. I know I did as well.



So... now on Tuesday night, I'm going back again. They are also starting a beginner lyrical jazz class for adults too. I can't commit to another night, especially one when Rachel is actually NOT at the studio, but I want to at least try the class. (The first one is free). It should be an interesting contrast.

September is nearly over...

which means October is almost here.

Not sure how I feel about October this year and the inevitable onslaught of pink which has already infiltrated most of the universe. October, for the uninitiated, is the month where breast cancer is thrown in your face at just about every turn.

As a survivor, it's a constant reminder. Sometimes, that's just not a helpful thing when you are moving on as much as you can from breast cancer. Then again, with a sister now following closely on my heels on this path, I've already been pulled back into this world. I don't need a reminder. On the other hand, I think I am actually pretty darn well. September 12 passed and it did not occur to me that the day was anything other than my father's birthday... instead of being the second anniversary of living without my breasts and ovaries. Not too shabby.

What I do need is hope. My sister and I both have daughters. We need hope that maybe, just maybe, our girls will not walk this road. So, all this awareness and fundraising, in my eyes, is for them and little girls like them everywhere.

I do urge you to "Think Before You Pink" though. Look at where your money is going from the pink products you might buy. Some of these products around in October are just pink! No money from the sale is going anywhere other than someone's pockets. Look at how much... or how little is going to the cause. Some of the companies producing special pink products are donating pennies, or less, to the charitable organization they show on the package label. Your money is better spent giving directly to the specific organization in many cases. Of course, if I am buying a package of York Peppermint Patties, you'd better believe I'm buying the one with the pink wrappers that sends a few pennies to the Young Survival Coalition.

And, I am once again participating in the Race for the Cure early next month. I even have the whole weekend off for a change of pace. Please consider supporting our me or join our team, 2Sisters2Young4This in our race against time to find a way to truly PREVENT this from happening in the first place.

End of plug. :)

Reflections on 9/11

This morning, the radio show I sometimes listen to in the morning was inviting listeners to share to their 9/11 stories. Living where we do, the stories are mainly people who lost loved ones or people who were very close by, if not at the WTC.

My story starts with me sitting at this very same desk, typing on this keyboard (computer has since been replaced though). I wrote about it as a distraction on the morning before my "bilateral mastectomy + ooph + whatever other procedures we could cram in" day. Instead of reinventing the wheel, I will share that link once again.

http://melissaga.blogspot.com/2006/09/91101-where-were-you-when-you-heard.html

I've talked about defining moments before. This was one for our family. Thankfully, a positive one. I can't fathom how I could have gotten through the past 2 years of my life without my husband by my side.

Whale Watching in Alaska

There's no way around this. I have literally over 1000 photos to go through. I started printing some today so I have something to show when people say "Show me your Alaska pictures." I thought I would just print a handful, an assortment from each exciting thing we did or saw.
Yeah right. I've printed probably 150 today alone and there's still more. This is just not going to work. I've decided that I am going to put these in a traditional pocket photo album, something I have not used in over a decade!

I've made an executive decision. I am going to make a simple photo book (Artscow.com) or two or three for the entire trip. Don't worry. You'll still get to see the occassional layout. I am going to use the 12x12 Alaska scrapbook album Howie bought me on the trip to do a "my favorite photos/moments" from the trip sort of thing.

Sounds like a plan. A little less overwhelming anyway!

Here are a few more photos from Alaska. These are from our Wildlife Cruise aka whale watching. We saw 14 whales! Much more than they normally see at this time of year. The first two photos are of a whale cub. It came out of the water in a full breach, not once, not twice, but three times! Howie managed to catch it on his camera phone. I had trouble getting decent whale photos, but love the tail shot below.

We also saw many sea lions.... and many is an understatement. We sailed right by an island with literally hundreds of these guys.

We interrupt this program...

I started the blog to share my little cancer journey in a public fashion, mainly to make it easier for friends and family to keep up with what was happening. Since all I normally do these days is pop a tamoxifen tablet, there's not usually much to discuss.

Until Friday.

Didn't mean to scare you. There's nothing going on.

However, on Friday, I accompanied my sister to the chemo room where we both received treatments. She was given her second dose of adriamycin and cytoxan and I received my first ever dose of Zometa.

Zometa is a drug for osteoporosis. It's an IV drug, given once a year for this purpose. It is also used on a more frequent basis for treating women with metastatic disease to their bones. I do not have this. What is exciting to me is a small study presented at ASCO, one of the big oncology conferences, back in May. A study looked at 1800 women who were premenopausal at diagnosis, with hormone receptor positive tumors (just like me). The women where then randomized to treatment. Half were given traditional hormonal treatment (such as tamoxifen or an aromatase inhibitor) plus ovarian suppression (this is not traditional.. yet!), the other half received the same PLUS Zometa infusions every 6 months for 3 years. There was a 36% DECREASE in the recurrence rate for those who received Zometa in just the first 5 years of this study. Dr. Susan Love's Research Foundation has a nice discussion on the study here.

I found this study extremely intriguing. And promising. I recognize that 1800 is a small number and that 3 years of treatment and 2 more years of follow up is a short time. But, it is not often that we see prospective studies specifically looking at women who were thoroughly premenopausal at diagnosis. As I have had the ultimate in ovarian suppression, a bilateral oophorectomy (no more ovaries), this study pertains directly to me. When I saw my oncologist in August, I mentioned that I wanted to discuss the study. Much to my surprise, he agreed to give me the medication, figuring that at the worst, it would help strengthen my bones, a very common problem for post-menopausal women. At the best, it is another tool in our armory to crush the beast which is breast cancer.

So.. I had the Zometa. I've been fairly open here about my side effects with various drugs (even if it did take me a few months to talk about what Arimidex did to me!), so I thought I might share once again. I had my IV on Friday morning. Went to lunch with my sister afterwards, picked Rachel up from school and headed home. All was good with the world. I did what I was told and stayed very well hydrated. Thought this might just be a breeze. Friday was a hot and sticky night here. Not for me. After I went to bed, I was overcome by shaking chills. My teeth were literally chattering! Definitely the "flu-like" symptoms mentioned as one of the most common side effects. Made it difficult to sleep. It did alterate a bit with feeling flushed, but the chills definitely predominated! The next day, Sept 6, was my birthday. Unfortunately, it turned into one of those days that just disappears from the calendar. I did nothing all day. Generalized malaise and fatigue would be the medical descriptors. Loss of appetite too (so much for going out to dinner)! I did what I was told and took Tylenol, but it did not seem to make a difference. Fortunately, I woke up on Sept 7 feeling like myself, headed off to work a half day (12 hrs) and did just fine. We finished celebrating on Sunday and now it's like nothing ever happened.

From those who've taken it for mutliple times for other reasons, I hear it gets easier each time. I am going to believe that. :)

A little postscript about my sister:
She's at that very rotten part of the journey where you lose your hair. It started just before chemo on Friday. She had her hair cut very short on Saturday and is now wearing wigs, etc. She seems to be handling this part with remarkable aplomb. But of course.. she's my sister!

More random photos from our Alaskan cruise

Back to the Skagway tour. This is an actual shot of the White Pass train. This is not the highest narrow little bridge we passed over, just one where I was brave enough to stick my camera out and get a shot! I was expecting to perhaps be a little bored on this trip. It was after lunch and it was a second view of the same landscape we saw on the bus tour.. but not at all from the same view. Absolutely breathtaking. I only have a few hundred more photos from this part of the trip.

Now we are back in Juneau! We went first to the Mendenhall Glacier, which you can see behind Rachel. We did see bears on this trip and I do have an amazing close up of a cub from our bus tour, but not from hear. Too many bears spotted on the trail, so it was closed! We did see salmon swimming upstream. I can only imagine what a field day the bears must have at this stream.

The second half of this excursion was a wildlife cruise. We actually saw 14 whales on our cruise. My shots of the whales are pretty good, but Howie managed to get a shot of one whale in a full breach.. not once, but three times! We also saw 100s of sea otters, most just hanging out on this little island.

Photos, take 1

I had forgotten you can only post a handful of photos per blog post. I just tried to upload a scattering of photos to this one post, but I see that it's just not going to happen.

I took almost 1000 photos on this trip. Howie took a few hundred as well. It's impossible to share them all. Impossible to scrap them all! I will make at least one photobook, possibly a series of photobooks. I also plan to do a little traditional 12x12 paper scrapping but that album will just be my favorite photos/memories from the trip. Just too much to cover!!!

Yes, we went to Alaska, but these first photos are from Canada! LOL

The top 3 photos are from our last port day which was at Prince Rupert in British Columbia. Not a busy place. The downtown reminded me a bit of Troy, NY. A tiny city, on the depressed side of life.

As we got off the ship, a woman was handing out ads for an actual scrapbook store. Having no plans for the day, we decided to explore and find the store. So glad we did because it led us to a little street market fair that was fun to visit. The store is just a few months old and quite tiny. They did have a bunch of 12x12 and assorted sized local photos, so I bought one for my scrapbook. Their other items were definitely more expensive than back home. Loved the cow theming in Cow Bay, which was where the ship was docked. Some cute stores and a wonderful store for local artists. Other than that, we went to a drug store and bought Canadian candy- things that are difficult to find in the US like Smarties. Not the little round tart candies, but the ones that are more like M+Ms. :)

This last photo is from another day... our Skagway port day. There obviously will be little order to these next few posts.
Our excursion was a bus tour from Skagway into the Yukon to a kitchy but fun place called Caribou Crossing, along with a stop in Carcross. Plenty of other stops along the way. That was followed by a train ride from Frasier back to Skagway. Important lesson learned here! This excursion was booked through the cruiseline... so when we were more than an hour past all-aboard time, the ship was still waiting for us.

Race for the Cure

I am apparently Widget-impaired.

I gave up trying to add the little thermometer that marks our team progress to this blog. Instead, I've added the links.

So, here's my plea. Click on one of the links. Donate if you'd like. Or, join our team! You don't even have to be in New Jersey on October 5th. You can chose to Sleep in for the Cure and they'll send you a T-shirt and race bib anyway. But, if you are in New Jersey and would like to join us at Six Flags Great Adventure, please go ahead and join our team.

2 Sisters 2 Young 4 This (our team page)

Melissa (my page)

Packing

It's just not fun.

Was it ever fun?

I can't remember. But packing for experiencing 3 seasons in a period of 10 days, plus exercise gear and formalwear and fitting it all in one suitcase that falls under the new strictly enforced airline weight limits, is just not fun.

I like to be over-prepared so this is becoming quite a challenge. Adding just one more complication is my ever changing body. I pulled out the one formal dress I had planned to take on the cruise. Tried it on before I put it in the suitcase. So glad I did! I had forgotten until Rachel reminded me that this dress was pre-mastectomy. It's from my DD/DDD days. It's probably only 2 sizes too big. Maybe 3. Not good at all. I am a barely a B these days. So, then I move on to the dresses I wore on our last cruise. I use a photo of me in the green version as an avatar on several web sites, and another photo of me in it appeared in a published layout about breast cancer, so you may have seen it. It is definitely post-mastectomy and even post-reconstruction. I loved how it looked last year. Now, it's just OK. I could definitely use a size smaller, but no such thing exists in my wardrobe! Oh well. I've already gone out and bought a fleece for layering/warmth and a waterproof jacket to wear on top of that... and new sneakers. But I've needed new sneakers for a good year.

Can't we just travel with our entire wardrobes? It would be so much easier.



Back to the dressing room.


Oh.. and we start our journey to Alaska on Thursday night, so I will be even quieter than usual for while!

A little scrappiness :)

I've been scrapping again. :)

I am very lucky to receive these wonderful packages from Scribble Scrabble every time they have a new release. :) I am going to be using so much from these new lines. Each one has at least one or two notebook style papers in various colors. I know I'll be using them constantly in Rachel's school album. I suppose it is a good thing I am a few years behind. Now, I have just the right paper.

Aside from the layout I did with the Sweet N Sour line on Scribble Scrabble's blog , I also finished two with the Suzy Snowflake collection and Autumn Afternoon. Not too hard to figure out which is which! These lines come not just with the double sided cardstock weight patterned papers, but with a tear strip which is in a coordinating pattern. Plus, there is a sheet of die cuts, a sheet of borders, and a package of chipboard stickers, some of which are flocked. Flocking is a hip thing in the scrapbook world lately, in case you are wondering. :)

This little peanut is my 2 yo niece. She was pretty impressed that we can actually walk outside and pick apples right off a tree. Too cute. She is my sister's daughter. Which brings me to a little update on my sister- she will start chemotherapy next week. She'll do 8 rounds, 2 weeks apart, then she'll get a bit of a break and will have surgeries, very similar to what I did. I've passed on the last of my hats and my last wig. I was never able to part with that one, for whatever reason. Until now. I also sent little Hannah home with some wigs of her own. I had bought some Disney princess wigs long ago. Rachel got good use out of them and we gave several to friends as birthday gifts. I had two saved all this time, so now they are Hannah's. Hannah is still working hard at growing hair, as you can see. I definitely surpassed her and I suspect her mom will too, eventually!

I am in shock

I just got back my oncology visit.

I had blood work done (no results yet) and got weighed. It's the only office where I get weighed on a semi-regular basis.

I've had a good number people ask me how much weight I've lost recently. On my scale, the numbers don't seem to move. I feel like I never make any progress. I keep losing the same 5 lbs over and over again. I know that my clothes fit better (I've dropped at least one full size and my bra band size has changed) and I know I've lost inches.. 1.5 to 2 inches off pretty much every measurement one can take. But, my scale STILL does not move much.

Well, I have to say I like the scale at the oncology office MUCH better. I like their record keeping even better than the scale.

According to their records, as of today, I am officially ELEVEN pounds lighter than I was this time last year!!

I had set a goal to lose 2 lbs a month and felt like I was getting nowhere with that. Apparently, my goal was a bit too much and 1 lb a month is something I can and DID achieve!!

Doing a little happy dance... and now I am even more motivated to get back to my regular ballet classes. :) It IS working, just in sllllllooooooooowwwwwwwww motion.

So easy a child could do it

Digital scrapbooking.

It's a phrase that strikes fear in the heart of many.

Others jump right in.

I didn't care for it at all in the early days of digi scrapping. The pages looked far too... well.. digital!

I also had no desire to give up that whole manual aspect. I actually enjoy cutting, pasting, and creating.

But, as you know from previous entries, I've been dabbling a little in the world of digi scrapping. At this point, it is just about making these 8x8 photo books through Artscow.com. I still play with paper. You can even see my latest paper creation at http://scribblescrabble-scribblemethis.blogspot.com/ which is Scribble Scrabble's new blog.

So, what about that child?

Rachel had a performance today, two in fact. I, being the dutiful mom, went and took photos. In the middle of one of the performances I though how cool would it be to make Rachel one of those 8x8 books from the performance. So, I went about taking even more photos and actually taking photos of the other kids too. :P

We came home and I sat down to get started. Rachel wanted to do it herself. Didn't want Mom to do it for her. She's a big girl now, you know. Truly. Look at this photo from today's show. She's dancing to Blackbird by the Beatles.

.

So, she sat down beside me and I walked her through the basics of digi scrapping in PSE 5.0. I showed her how to create a canvas, chose background papers, add digi elements and how to change their color if need be, and how to save a file in PSE in different formats. We looked through some digi kits and she chose a free kit from Shabby Princess.com .

Here's her title page

and page 1

Not too shabby, eh? She's almost half way through. That's 15 pages done. Not going to say how long it would take me to do the same with paper scrapping. Not going to think about it. And, I'd like to remind she is 11 yrs old. I've now taught her everything I know how to do regarding digi scrapping. Can't wait to see where she takes it next.

Tales from the Cancer Chronicles

The latest installment.

Bet you thought this little collection of short stories was over, huh?

No such luck.

It's a short one and not all that funny.

It's been quite some time since I've had anything new to add to this volume. It's unusual that anything catches me by surprise these days. You might want to sit down for this part- I actually sometimes go entire days without thinking about it or the effect it has had on my life. OK. So maybe that has changed now that I have my sister on my coattails in this journey.

It was so simple. It happened so quickly I did not notice.

I was cooking today. Uhoh. Should have warned you to sit down first. I hope Howie is not reading this. He might pass out from the shock. Then again, he'd say baking chicken in the oven is not cooking. Anyway, moments after removing said chicken from the oven this afternoon, I notice a moderate sized stain on my shirt. Right at the breast level. Well.. it would be at the breast level if I had actual breasts.. so let's say foob level.. OK? My guess is that anyone with an intact peripheral nerve system or maybe even anyone with actual breasts and not foobs would have noticed if they hit a HOT, FRESH FROM THE OVEN pan of chicken with their chest. Nope. Not me.

Perhaps this is an advantage of having foobs that I had not considered before. If only they were larger, I might be able to use them as oven mitts. Aggh. Just kidding. Lousy cancer humor.

A free lunch, almost

Of course nothing is free. But it's close.

I made a photobook recently on this new site, Artscow.com. I have to admit, I've never done one before. I posted about it in another entry recently where I shared my first digi layout. In the meantime, the book arrived. I am totally hooked! Love how it came out, even without many bells and whistles. I am definitely going to make a few more.

And, I am going to share with you, my friends. :)

With the book, came 10 codes for 10 more photo books. So, I have 10 codes to give away. The book is free, but you do pay shipping and handling charges totalling $13.99. You pay nothing else. The fees are on the high side because the company is actually in Hong Kong. I am amazed that you get a totally custom made 30 page book, including custom covers, for this price. Don't I sound like an infomercial? Anyway, I have 10 of these codes to give away (I still have several credits for free books myself). They expire on 8/7/08. Let me know if you want one or more codes.

Here we go again

Hold on tight.

The rollercoaster is back in operation.

It all starts all over again on Monday.

My sister will have a lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy on Monday. She had a core needle biopsy last week.

Almost 2 years to the day that my hair fell out, she'll be starting on this ^&@%^* path.

That ride to the top of the coaster, in the darkness, is one of the scariest parts of the journey. I hope that having stood by, watching me ride this monster, has made this a tiny bit easier. Not sure anything can. Not sure that she totally gets it all yet. She told me how everyone keeps telling her that she needs to put herself first now. Even if I thought I understood that at the start, I didn't. You may remember my little essay (it was published as part of a scrapbook page in the May issue of Memory Makers Magazine) about how I thought my breast cancer diagnosis was simply going to be a little bump in the road of life. It turned out not to be a bump in the road, but a huge, SUV-swallowing pot hole that put me on a whole new road altogether.

The events of the last 2 weeks led my daughter to ask a question that no 11 yr old should ever have to ask. She asked "How old should I be when I go for my bilateral?" She's just barely starting to grow breasts and is wondering when she should have them removed. She's a bright, insightful and mature child. But, she is a child! It breaks my heart to have to have these discussions.

Still, I grew up with some of the same thinking. I planned that I would have my ovaries out after I had my children. I was iffy on the whole breast thing, but confident on the ovary issue. Ovarian cancer scared me more than breast cancer because it is so hard to detect. I don't know how old I was when I made these decisions. Obviously, these decisions I later abandoned until I was actually diagnosed with cancer. I think it was more an evolution than a single decision. But, Rachel, for now, has her mind made up. She's looking for risk reduction to the nth degree. Sadly, we have nothing else to offer. I hope by the time she needs to act, there are other choices. Not just a cure, but prevention.

Broadway Baby!

I've got several blog entries stored in my head from this month. Some you may actually get to read, a few probably won't even make it to my private journal.

Rachel and I have been out and running all month, ever since school ended. We've been to Manhattan at least once a week. We've had all sorts of adventures, most focusing around one of our shared passions, musical theater. I am so lucky to have had a child that loves so many of the same things that I do. :) Here's a little summary (mostly so I can print this out and put it on a scrapbook page.. I have no photos because I didn't want to lug around my big camera.. I needed to save room for our shopping finds. :o)

The first week was a completely spontaneous trip. We had a horrendous heatwave in NJ and Howie kept telling us to spend the day out of the house in order to not turn the AC on. We spent two days at two different malls and saw two different movies. There was a little break in the heat the following day when it only went to the low 90's, so we headed into "the city," which is what everyone in the suburbs calls NYC. Very provincial sounding, but that's what I've been hearing since I was younger than Rachel is now.

Anyway, I had read that they actually have a lottery for front row seats to 'Wicked.' Neither Rachel nor I have seen 'Wicked.' She knows every word to every song by heart and plays a few of them on her flute. She's been mildly obsessed with the show. Howie tried to get tickets for her birthday in March 09, but there weren't any great seats to be had for the $125 or more price tag. So, without plans for the day, we decided we'd head over for the morning lottery. After reading that 200-300 people enter the lottery for most shows, we figured a Wednesday matinee before most schools were out for the summer would be our best bet. No luck. A woman we met while waiting had won tickets the night before and she won again! Rachel was in tears as we walked away. She's getting a little emotional these days. Can't imagine where she gets that from. So, I decide that instead of MoMA, we'll visit the TKTS booth.

The TKTS booth is now at the Marriott Marquis while the new booth is under construction. I have not been to the booth in years. For the out of towners, it's where you can pick up same day discount tickets for shows. It used to be half price, but not all shows are half price anymore. These days, I usually use Broadwaybox.com for similar discounts, but you can buy in advance and chose your seats. Anyway, I let Rachel pick the show. I thought she'd go for the 'Little Mermaid' (was surprised they had a few seats for it) or 'Mamma Mia,' but she chose 'Rent.' Even though it has been playing forever, I had never seen it either. We ended up sitting in the second row, off to the side, with our 50% off tickets. Not bad at all. Loved the show. Very glad we saw it in person as it is closing soon.

We spent the rest of that day walking around the fashion district. Rachel is a huge Project Runway fan and was keeping her eye out for people and sights from the show. LOL. Instead of Project Runway, we ran into a kid and his brother from "The Naked Brothers Band." Literally. Actually, he ran into Rachel. I admit I have heard the phrase before, but really didn't know what she was talking about. As they walked away, Rachel whispered to me "MOM!!!! That's the from the 'Naked Brothers Band!" I shook my head knowingly (not). I looked them up when we came home and she was right. It was one of the kids from the show (I forget his name).

This occurred as we were heading back to the Gershwin Theater. As we walked out of 'Rent,' Rachel asked if we could try again for 'Wicked" tickets. I figured why not. I told her not to get her hopes up again and that we could go to the American Girl Place for dinner if we did not win. After a quick stop to an ATM to get more money (you have to pay at TKTS in cash or money order and it must be cash for the Wicked lottery), we made our way to the Gershwin again. This time, the crowd was huge. Definitely the 300 or so they mention on line. This time was also different because we WON!!! Yes!! FRONT ROW center tickets to see 'Wicked' for all of $26.50 a piece. We wasted some time at the Capezio store and had dinner at Ellen's Stardust Diner. And then, it was show time.

Sitting in the front row was a wonderful experience for my Wicked-ly obssessed child. Many times, the actors played directly to her. She was the only child in the front row. She got quite a few little winks and looks from Glinda in particular. At the curtain call, Glinda waved directly to Rachel. Everyone around us commented on it. Those who did not know the first row were lottery tickets (some kids sitting behind us) thought she was a friend. LOL. We went to the stage door afterwards so Rachel could get her autograph. If Rachel had a broomstick, she could have flown home, she was so high after the experience!

The following week, I used Broadwaybox.com and got tickets for 'Cirque Dreams.' It's Cirque's first time ever on Broadway and we've never been to one of their shows before. Friends came with us. I took Rachel and her friend in earlier and then her mom met up with us for dinner and the show. The show was amazing, of course. It really would be a great one for anyone to see.

Then, this week, my dad's wife (stepmother just doesn't work for me at times) took Rachel and two of her other grandchildren in. I was asked to come along to make it easier for her to manage 3 children in the city. We took them to Ellen's (yes, again) and saw "Legally Blonde." Rachel's been listening to the music since she learned we would be going. Very infectious stuff. I hear it in my head even as I type. LOL. Fun show. Very cute. Would see it again, at a steep discount only of course.

There's more, but this is enough for now. Our adventures are coming to an end. Rachel starts a ballet summer intensive on Monday, which means mostly ballet, mostly all day. And I go back to my normal life. Not sure what that means though. And it's not exactly my normal life either. More on that one later.

Stepping into the dark side....

The dark side of scrapbooking that is.

I've been fighting working digitally from the start. My dh bought me one of the earlier digi scrapbooking programs, but I declined to even upload it to my machine. That was probably a good 10 years ago. Much of the scrapbooking industry has moved in this direction, though you'd never know it from our guest room/scrapbook room/craft room or whatever you'd like to call it.

I had an offer for a very inexpensive photo book. Said offer was about to expire. Knowing a bargain when I see one, I couldn't resist. I spent a few hours (not many) putting together a 30 page album from out last cruise. I tried to use the templates that come with Photoshop Elements 5.0, but wasn't happy. I then tried to use some free digi elements I had downloaded, but the process was too slow and it wasn't working out for me. So, in frustration, I made a simple book using the same background, journaling font and my photos. After I finished the 30 pages, I nearly flipped when I saw I had to design the covers and spine too. But I managed.

I decided today that I would try again and make an actual page. Just a simple one. Here are the results. This took 10 minutes tops. Almost 10 minutes on the nose. I used a free digital kit from ShabbyPrincess.

I'd do it all over again

15 years ago today

Ladybug, Ladybug, Fly Away Home

This is Rachel (center) and two of her fellow ladybugs from "The Secret Garden." Alas, the garden is no more. I wish I had more pictures to share, but my camera was not all that cooperative during the dress rehearsal. Even the mom shooting next to me with the digi SLR and big fast lens was having difficulty with the various lighting changes throughout. Oh well.. I will still be depending on her photos. Between those issues and the fact that I only had one chance because I was working back stage the rest of the time, plus the lovely mint green walls in the reception area, I admit I am a bit disappointed photo-wise. As long as I have a few in the end, I'll be happy. Less photos means I don't have to spend much time picking which ones will actually make it into the scrapbook. :)

We still have the spring performance (aka dance recital) left to go this weekend. The girls will be a sea of white. The entire junior division, from the pre-ballet students to the pre-pointe students will be in white leotards with white romantic tutus. Each level will have their own color sash, I've been told. Should make for some pretty photos... I hope!

On other fronts, I am healing once again. Self-inflicted this go round. I tore a muscle in my calf last week. Ended up with a quick visit to my pals in the ER and a set of crutches. My usual impatience with these things has reared its ugly head. Plus I am just plain no good with crutches. I had a flashback to highschool when I injured my knee in a soccer game. I was sent to school on crutches and called my mom in tears third period because it was just too much.

I have been off crutches since Saturday. I couldn't see walking around New Hope on crutches, so I left them at home. :0 We just walked slllooowwwlllly and leisurely. Otherwise, I really have been resting it as much as I can and I really can walk just fine now. The limp is only noticable if I have to walk quickly. Really. Honestly, I don't have pain now, but the calf still feels tight. I am going to give it one more week before I get back to my normal exercise routine (you know... walking, ballet, Pilates, ballet, ballet, and walking some more). I am still a control freak. With the inability to exercise this week, I've started keeping detailed food diaries again, hoping I can somehow manage to not gain weight this week and maybe, just maybe, I can figure out something helpful to actually LOSE these last 20 lbs.

Shoes for Sale

*************EDITTED TO ADD:

This post gets many hits. I need to point out (no pun intended) that this post is now a year old. Most of the shoes are long gone. The firebird shoe, orange shoe and the purple one with the huge flower and rhinestones are about the only ones left from this photo, as far as I know. The shoes in the photos are mostly various Capezio styles in various sizes. I was able to obtain a small lot of shoes at a great discount from a Halloween store that had bought the stock of a dance store. The particular shoes in the photo were all new unused shoes. Since that time, I've been using used shoes. The used shoes require a bit more care to create.. trimming worn ends, multiple layers of acrylic paint, and sealer. Once again, they are not meant to be worn. They are for decorative purposes only. I do tend to use smaller sizes for aesthetic reasons (equivalent to street sizes 4-7 or so).

I should be posting some new shoe photos soon. :)

******************************

I have a small number of decorated pointe shoes still available. They are $20 a piece plus shipping. All proceeds to benefit DanceVision.

Of those seen above, I believe we have the purple one with the large flower, the green one with the multicolored flowers and the silver shoe with the hydrangeas available (the silver one may be spoken for though). I also have this red "Firebird" style shoe and a similar one in yellow with yellow feathers and a green rhinestone.

If anyone is interested, please email me (use the email icon at the bottom of the post and please include your email address in the text so I can reply. :))

Want to see what I've been up to?

It feels like it's been a long time since I've had any scrapbook pages to share. I really have not been doing much in the way of papercrafting of late.

I have, however, been using my papercrafting stash.

Come see a sampling of my latest project here (click the word "here")

I've made probably 10 more. We're going to be selling them at the boutique at DanceVision's "The Secret Garden" , the group Rachel dances with here in NJ. The show is going to be spectacular from what I have seen from the dancing alone. If you are local, come out and see in on May 17 and May 18 (details are available if you click 'The Secret Garden" :))

Another May Day

Another May Day.

For me, May 1 means another "cancer-versary" for me.

2 years ago today, at this very moment, I wound up on this crazy road, with no way to turn around. No way to get back on that picturesque road I had been following.

It amazes me what a clear cut divide there is in my life; life before May 1 2006 and life after May 1 2006. The two are are quite different. There are so few definitive moments like this. My wedding day, the birth of my daughter, the death of my mother, and the day I heard the words "it's definitely cancer." All moments when my life changed forever.

I would never in a million ways want to say that this was a blessing of any sort. People say that sort of thing ALL the time. Cancer is NEVER a blessing. I am NOT a better person. I am NOT a better wife or mother. I am NOT a better physician for this. I truly hate when people say that one because it's rude and presumptive and it's never said by anyone who knows what I was like as a doctor before. Never.

Yet, I do live my life in a somewhat different way today. I am more selfish. :) Less tolerant. OK. So, I was never all that tolerant in the first place. I am a priority in my own life. I am re-discovering who I once I was. I read more than I have read in years. I dance more. I'm starting to even find that I am singing more. It's the old "what will you regret if it's all over tomorrow." I'll never regret doing things that I love and I'll never regret spending time with those I love. It's only the time in between that's wasted.

Happy May Day!

I's April! Time for a thyroid lesson.

Yup. Ignoring the blog again.

Might as well get used to it. I suspect a once a month post, maybe twice, might be all you get from me these days.

I can't say that my absence has been due entirely to being busy and living life. I find that I also get quiet, extremely quiet, when I am concerned. I was fairly stoic publically when I first learned I had breast cancer. I did not bring it up on my most frequented message boards. Only mentioned it on one of my many email groups. It really wasn't until the treatment was underway that I started to talk. Bizarre behavior for me because I am an open book. I talk about everything! Almost.

The last 2-3 weeks, I had some unusual for me symptoms. There's a rule of thumb in the breast cancer world. You wait two weeks and see if whatever the issue is persists. If so, then a metastatic work up will most likely follow. Fortunately for me, I decided to wait 3 weeks. 3 weeks is today. Today, there is a definite change for the better... so I am back. :) I'd like to attribute all of this to the dreaded anniversary reaction. I can't. But who cares? It's not an issue because it's getting better, not worse.

I'll also toss in that I just got back some more perfectly NORMAL blood test results. Well, not perfectly normal, but perfectly nonmetastatic normal. :D My thyroid function is actually hovering at the lower limits of normal. Which naturally led me to read up on thyroid function and tamoxifen. Those of you not on tamoxifen might want to move on to the next blog at this time. :)

Here's the deal. We all know about the complaints about weight gain and tamoxifen. My onc and others SWEAR that there are some women who actually have weight LOSS with this drug. My onc even thinks I am one of those women as I have lost weight on it. However, the amount of weight I lost and the amount of work I put into that loss do not match. I should have lost twice as much weight.. or more! I looked back at the calendar from 2005 and 2006 when I was actively working on weight loss. I actually lost 2-3 pounds most weeks! That would be a dream now. I am doing SO much more physical activity now than I did then and I am eating an even better diet. Still, no weight loss in over 2 months.

As part of my last round of blood tests, I had a full panel of thyroid tests. If your thyroid panel does NOT include a FREE T4, you are not getting an accurate picture. ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE ON TAMOXIFEN. The typical (aka cheaper and more widely available) thyroid panel includes a calculated T4. One of the many things tamoxifen does results in an increase is the proteins that bind the functional thyroid hormone in our bodies. This will make the thyroid panel look normal when it actually is not... unless you are also getting a free t4 done as well. The free T4 measures the functional hormone that is available for use by the body. The hormone that is bound to protein is NOT available for use. The free T4 will give you a more accurate picture of your thyroid function. Even more so than a TSH.

Yeah.. I know that wasn't perfectly clear. I'd have to launch into a full lecture on how the thyroid and hypothalamus function and control metabolism and I have a ballet class to get to go today. And Pilates. If I can't lose weight, at least I can look toned. :) And without ovarian testosterone, building muscle mass is even more difficult, but that's another lecture!

Musings on the last day of March

I think I am gearing myself up mentally for that whole anniversary reaction bit.

My mind is going places where it hasn't been for sometime.

As I was driving home from taking Rachel to school this morning and running through my "to do" list for the day, it hit me that this was the last day of March. I tried to remember what the last day of March 2006 was like. I remember that we were coming out of a bit of stress as Howie had recieved a "lay off" notice earlier that month. March 31 was supposed to be his last day, but he was swept up by another group within the company, given more $, and ended up starting his new position that day. That notice was what sent the wheels into motion. I made appointments for all my so called routine check ups before we needed to start COBRA (which never happened either).

By now, we all know what happened next. It started quietly. My body was rebelling against me. First, my blood pressure was elevated at my gyn appointment. That made it so I could get in to see my internist much more quickly. Turned out it was probably stress related as that went away. Then, I went for my pelvic ultrasound. I had a small ovarian cyst we had been watching for years thanks to a family history of ovarian cancer. The cyst was no longer small and surgery was up for discussion. That discussion suddenly took a back seat once my mammography results were in. But, I'm jumping ahead. The mammography films did not occur until April 2006. Back in March 2006, I was still happily living in the land of the benign. I knew before the end of April that my life had changed. It was April 18. It wouldn't be confirmed until May 1, when I was officially diagnosed. But I knew when before I left the radiology suite on the day I had the additional films and the sonogram left no question at all.

Is there a point to this? I'm not sure. I do know that up until this morning, I was considering making a call to my oncologist about my hip pain. I kept telling myself it's related to all my dance classes. I didn't go to any classes at all last week. All I did for exercise was walk and clean the house (a small miracle on the latter). The pain persisted. When you live in Cancerville, every pain is a possible met (foci of metastatic disease). But, after a full week off from dance classes, my hip pain is gone. Doctor cure thyself. :) And yes, I am going back to dance class anyway. After all, tomorrow is Salsa day! When my hip start hurting again, I'll know just what to blame.

Salsa is a million times more fun than cancer anyday. :P

March in a nutshell

Guess who is 11? Hard to believe it was already 11 years ago that we were carrying this 18 inch munchkin around in our arms. I think she's 4 1/2 feet tall now. I forgot to write it down at her annual check up. Either way, all I know is that she is rapidly approaching my height!

The photo was taken at the Cinderella dinner at the Grand Floridian in WDW. Rachel is actually wearing TWO tiaras in that photo. The birthday tiara is part of having your birthday at that particular dinner. The other, smaller, more Rachel-style tiara was part of a birthday present from Grandma in Florida. Rachel had wanted to go to the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique since it was first announced. It never really fit into our plans and I admit the price was a turn off for me. Grandma was more than happy to enlist the fairy godmothers in training at WDW and make Rachel's wish a reality. She went for the classic princess look, which is why she is wearing make up and has more hair gel than she used to wear in a year, back in the days when she wore gel to dance class.

And, here's the whole crew. I actually got into a photo! I might even be in more, but I haven't checked the PhotoPass yet. This is Rachel and I with my mother-in-law, just after we arrived in the Magic Kingdom. Howie decided he'd rather hang out at the resort and go for a long run instead of spending a day in the parks. Rachel is holding Violette, the elephant her friend Elise gave her for her birthday. Rachel made a photo diary of Violette's adventures in Florida for Elise, so the elephant appears in almost all our photos from this trip. I am holding My Pal Mickey who was not feeling very well on this trip. He needed a little surgery (new battery) and we neglected to have the procedure performed, so he spent the rest of the time in my bag.

Otherwise, March has been filled with routine doctor appointments for both Rachel and I. Nothing out of the ordinary. I am still working on the whole weight loss thing, but not very successfully. I must be building one heck of a lot of muscle is all I can say! I am still taking at least two 90 minute ballet classes a week, sometimes three. Most other days, I get in at least 30 minutes of cardio. With all the calories I am burning, the weight should be melting away. But it is not. I am not hitting my 2 lb a month goal. Lost 2 lbs in January and 1 in Feb. I regained weight on vacation, as usual and I am going to rack up a 0 lb loss for March I suspect. Not a good trend. I started keeping a food diary again to see if I could make some adjustments. I decided that perhaps my pastic surgeon was correct and that I am not eating enough. I was just hitting 1000 calories a day. I've loosed up and I'm now back in the 1200-1500 range (aside from that week on vacation). Not seeing any benefit at all yet. I'm planning to try to add another exercise class or two (Salsa-cise!) starting next week and will see what that does. I suspect I am making progress inches-wise, but silly me has not done those measurements.

Happy Sadie Hawkins Day- NOT

I couldn't let February fly by with just one blog post, so you'll have to bear with my ramblings for the day.

I honestly and truly thought February 29 was Sadie Hawkins Day.

I have no idea where I got that idea from, but for some strange reason, I looked it up today and learned that Feb 29 is *just* leap day. Sadie Hawkins Day is in November.

Who knew?

Not me this morning when I wished Rachel a very Happy Sadie Hawkins Day. She actually knew what Sadie Hawkins Day was. That shouldn't be a surprise to me or anyone that knows her. Rachel collects little factoids like other children collect rocks. She does collect rocks too, but that's another story.

Li'l' Abner, which is were Sadie Hawkins Day comes from, has long been retired as a comic strip. Even worse, I'm afraid the musical version has faded into obscurity. When's the last time your high school or community theater put on their version of Li'l' Abner? 1981? I think that's when my high school did it. I'm betting most of you never even knew it was a musical at all. I have to admit the musical was on Broadway well before I was even born. I just happened to grow up in a house where the soundtrack was musical theater. We listed to Li'l' Abner, Shenandoah, 1776, Fiddler on the Roof, Brigadoon, and of course, Fiorello, which was not just a musical but my parents' first date. I can still picture the cast album to Li'l' Abner. I have no idea if it survived our childhood though. No idea where those albums, actual vinyl record albums, are anymore.

Still, without the album at hand, I was able to introduce Rachel to the sounds of "It's a Typical Day" and "I'm Past My Prime," the only songs I could remember from the show. It's funny how these things float back into your mind. As the day has gone on, I've been able to add more verses and even more songs like "Put 'Em Back" and bits of "Julibation T. Cornpone." Too funny. I think I'm revisiting my childhood bit by bit. All this dance may be opening up parts of my brain that have been in storage for far too long.

Speaking of dance, I tried a jazz/hip-hop class today. I should say, I tried a class called jazz/hip-hop today. There was certainly no hip-hop to speak of and not any jazz either. I saw an ad in the local paper offering a class for moms. I thought it was perfect because I am, afterall, a mom. I was even a little nervous because it said hip-hop and goodness knows I've never done a step of hip-hop in my life. No need to worry. LOL. It was more like a glorified aerobic class. I suspect the sweet gal who taught the class has more training in cheerleading than dance. Or something other than dance. I'm not sure what. If you've ever watched Nigel on "So You Think You Can Dance" comment on the sad state of dance instruction in the US, you understand.

I know, I know. I am a total dance snob. This goes beyond that, though. The flooring wasn't good. It was slippery and wooden. A dance studio today should have sprung floors. It's a safety issue. Sadly, I suspect I won't be going back to this studio. Onward and upward!

Another little happy dance

Miss me?

I just haven't had much to say lately. Life goes on.

I've been working on the ever slow weight loss process. It's frustratingly slow. Especially when I watch the Biggest Loser (as I did this morning courtesy of TIVO) and see these folks with massive weight loss each week. I know it's not a realistic situation and I know at my weight, I'll never see those numbers. Even worse, being on tamoxifen, it is a constant battle to simply maintain my weight. Not sure I'm going to hit my goal this month, but it should be close. You'd think with a 2 lb goal, it wouldn't be such a big deal. Didn't get to ballet today because Rachel is ill and home from school. Tried pushing myself in the gym instead. Not the same but it's better than sitting around.

On the other hand, one of the primary reasons I have been working so hard on diet and exercise is for my overall health. I've been on medication for my lipids (aka cholesterol and triglycerides) for 9 months now. Just got my 3 month supply for a mere $125 that would bring it to a year. I also just got my recent blood test results.

NORMAL
100% totally normal!!!!!

I have to say I was totally blown away by those results. I had been concerned about "cheating." I love my carbs far too much. Giving up red meat was not hard at all. But carbs... they are my friend. Especially simple sugars. I've already gone to whole grain breads and pastas and greatly limited even those but I admit I am a sucker for a few Hershey kisses, cookies, or a few jelly beans. I should explain further. After 3 months on the medication, my cholesterol was normal, but the triglycerides were still a hair over the line. My cholesterol is now at the bottom of the normal range at 125! And my triglycerides are squarely in the midst of the normal range at 100.

I can't take all the credit. I do have to admit it probably wasn't just all diet, exercise, medication, and fish oil supplements that did this. I suspect a portion of the credit might go to tamoxifen as well. I've been on that for almost a year now. Tamoxifen is known for a having a positive effect on the lipid profile in most women. So, I'll tip my hat to tamoxifen too.

My tumor markers are normal too, as is everything else. It's funny. Having normal blood work is something I very definitely took for granted in the past. Today, it's all extraordinary phenomenal news in my book!

Going to celebrate with a jelly bean or two or three. :P

A joyful dance!

Today was joyful on more than one level.

On of our last combinations in ballet today was to "We're Off to see the Wizard" from, you got it, the ever popular "Wizard of Oz." It certainly did get us to skip our jetes. So much fun! I can't even begin to explain.

Then, I was off to see my own personal wizard, my plastic surgeon who has certainly done a wonderful job of creating something from nothing for me on many occassions. My tattoos were deemed gorgeous and lifelike. Even better, I was semi-discharged. My next appointment, unless something comes up in the meantime (more on that in a sec) is 2 years. 2010!!! Will I even remember to schedule an appointment? I only have to see him every two years.

Well, that's every two years providing I don't need revisions of any sort. We went with a lighter, pinker than average color for my tats. So, it's more likely to fade and need touch ups. Right now, that would be OK with me. There are actually a few shirts I have to wear a bra with now because you can see through them a little. Oh well. :P

Then, there's the revisions bit. As much as I hate to say it, as it stands now, I really could use a little more surgery. There's a little bit of extra tissue/skin on the sides that just doesn't go with my new girls. It did work with the old ones, but they tried to kill me, so I don't care for any reminders. This revision surgery is not going to happen, if at all, until I lose the weight. I know, I know. Some friends will say I'm just fine the way I am... and I thank you for that... you are good friends. :) I may even decide once the weight it off that I still don't want the surgery. If it's going to involve liposuction, I might just pass on the whole thing. Lipo is no fun to recover from. We'll see when the time comes. I've got 22 lbs to go.

That's right. I succeeded in my first month's goal. More joy! 2 lbs down. Hoping to pick up the pace a little in February as I'm hoping to kick my metabolism into gear with all this exercise I've been doing lately.

Onto February!

ETA:

Almost forgot.

I have another scrapbook page to share.

This is from Scribble Scrabble's Felicity line. This line actually has some pretty flowered paper. For some reason, I just keep using the louder stars and circles.

That big felt star and the little felt star are from the "Tis the Season" felt shapes from FancyPants. It's a Christmas themed product, but I keep finding other uses for almost everything in it. Can't wait to get the rest of the Nutcracker images so I can do a few more pages with the more Christmasy elements.