Another May Day

Another May Day.

For me, May 1 means another "cancer-versary" for me.

2 years ago today, at this very moment, I wound up on this crazy road, with no way to turn around. No way to get back on that picturesque road I had been following.

It amazes me what a clear cut divide there is in my life; life before May 1 2006 and life after May 1 2006. The two are are quite different. There are so few definitive moments like this. My wedding day, the birth of my daughter, the death of my mother, and the day I heard the words "it's definitely cancer." All moments when my life changed forever.

I would never in a million ways want to say that this was a blessing of any sort. People say that sort of thing ALL the time. Cancer is NEVER a blessing. I am NOT a better person. I am NOT a better wife or mother. I am NOT a better physician for this. I truly hate when people say that one because it's rude and presumptive and it's never said by anyone who knows what I was like as a doctor before. Never.

Yet, I do live my life in a somewhat different way today. I am more selfish. :) Less tolerant. OK. So, I was never all that tolerant in the first place. I am a priority in my own life. I am re-discovering who I once I was. I read more than I have read in years. I dance more. I'm starting to even find that I am singing more. It's the old "what will you regret if it's all over tomorrow." I'll never regret doing things that I love and I'll never regret spending time with those I love. It's only the time in between that's wasted.

Happy May Day!