Here we go again

Hold on tight.

The rollercoaster is back in operation.

It all starts all over again on Monday.

My sister will have a lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy on Monday. She had a core needle biopsy last week.

Almost 2 years to the day that my hair fell out, she'll be starting on this ^&@%^* path.

That ride to the top of the coaster, in the darkness, is one of the scariest parts of the journey. I hope that having stood by, watching me ride this monster, has made this a tiny bit easier. Not sure anything can. Not sure that she totally gets it all yet. She told me how everyone keeps telling her that she needs to put herself first now. Even if I thought I understood that at the start, I didn't. You may remember my little essay (it was published as part of a scrapbook page in the May issue of Memory Makers Magazine) about how I thought my breast cancer diagnosis was simply going to be a little bump in the road of life. It turned out not to be a bump in the road, but a huge, SUV-swallowing pot hole that put me on a whole new road altogether.

The events of the last 2 weeks led my daughter to ask a question that no 11 yr old should ever have to ask. She asked "How old should I be when I go for my bilateral?" She's just barely starting to grow breasts and is wondering when she should have them removed. She's a bright, insightful and mature child. But, she is a child! It breaks my heart to have to have these discussions.

Still, I grew up with some of the same thinking. I planned that I would have my ovaries out after I had my children. I was iffy on the whole breast thing, but confident on the ovary issue. Ovarian cancer scared me more than breast cancer because it is so hard to detect. I don't know how old I was when I made these decisions. Obviously, these decisions I later abandoned until I was actually diagnosed with cancer. I think it was more an evolution than a single decision. But, Rachel, for now, has her mind made up. She's looking for risk reduction to the nth degree. Sadly, we have nothing else to offer. I hope by the time she needs to act, there are other choices. Not just a cure, but prevention.