Chemo is done. :D
Hurray!
Still have a cough but the antibiotic seems to be helping so it was definitely more than "just a cold." I'm deep in chemo-fog land with all that goes with it. So glad I won't be getting dumped back into once it's gone this time.
I am *finally* seeing the plastic surgeon of my choice today. He's not in our HMO so you can imagine the hoops we had to jump through to get coverage for the consult. Hoping getting coverage for my reconstruction (cute little perky Barbie boobs) will be easier now that the raod is paved.
More later...
Monday, July 31, 2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
T-2, give or take
Just a little longer...
I've taken 8 medications. I'm almost finished with my second glass of water. Almost ready. Have to take Emend, the great anti-emetic that interferes with the brain's ability to allow emesis (throwing up, for those not medically inclined). Still have to put the EMLA cream on my port so it doesn't hurt as much when they access it. I'm not convinced it really makes a difference. I've now had the port accessed with just the spray, EMLA+spray, and without a thing (when I had that semi-emergency visit last week). It didn't hurt the time with the spray, hurt one time with EMLA + spray and not the other time, and hurt the same without anything. I have a feeling it may depend on the person who's doing the accessing more than the actual anesthetic involved. But you know what, I'm not interested in finding out more. They can access it today and then, at least I hope, that I'll be told that I can schedule its removal. As much as I don't want another fresh incision, it will be nice to have it out! They will use the same incision, but I'll have to heal all over again. I've gotten used to it but it still is tender when touched. It hurts a little when it's bumped accidentally. Then there's that thin tube to goes up into my neck and into the jugular vein. Let's just say, it will be nice to have it gone!
I know there are a bunch of you out there reading.... come leave a comment and celebrate the end of this phase with me!!!
I've taken 8 medications. I'm almost finished with my second glass of water. Almost ready. Have to take Emend, the great anti-emetic that interferes with the brain's ability to allow emesis (throwing up, for those not medically inclined). Still have to put the EMLA cream on my port so it doesn't hurt as much when they access it. I'm not convinced it really makes a difference. I've now had the port accessed with just the spray, EMLA+spray, and without a thing (when I had that semi-emergency visit last week). It didn't hurt the time with the spray, hurt one time with EMLA + spray and not the other time, and hurt the same without anything. I have a feeling it may depend on the person who's doing the accessing more than the actual anesthetic involved. But you know what, I'm not interested in finding out more. They can access it today and then, at least I hope, that I'll be told that I can schedule its removal. As much as I don't want another fresh incision, it will be nice to have it out! They will use the same incision, but I'll have to heal all over again. I've gotten used to it but it still is tender when touched. It hurts a little when it's bumped accidentally. Then there's that thin tube to goes up into my neck and into the jugular vein. Let's just say, it will be nice to have it gone!
I know there are a bunch of you out there reading.... come leave a comment and celebrate the end of this phase with me!!!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
T-12 and counting down!
This time tomorrow, I will be recovering from my last dose of adriamycin and cytoxan.
My sister is coming over in the morning. We'll take Rachel to camp and then head to the office for my 9:30 am appointment. They'll access my port and take some blood. Then, once the results are back, I'll see the oncologist. At 10:00 am, they'll start my pre-meds and then I'll get the chemo. Should be done by noon. :) Then, I'll try to take a nap (not too hard bc of the benedryl) and head back to dancing school for Rachel's show at 3pm. That's my day.
I have my meds lined up and ready to go. I am DEFINITELY taking a sleeping pill tonight, even though I don't know if I need it. In additional to all the other horrible things that went wrong with cycle 3 (didn't post about them all but some are due to forgetting meds), I didn't sleep well the night before. I had a touch of the "I don't want to do this!!!!" anxiety. I don't have that now. Just a relief and some excitement about this being over. It's just hard to wrap myself around the concept that I still have to recover the following week or two. So many emotions. I am still upset that I had to do this. Still angry it happened to me. Still have so much ahead- surgeries, another 5 yrs of medication, and learning to live with that nagging fear of recurence.
I'm looking forward to food tasting normal again. These drugs cause an odd taste in your mouth, a not so nice one at that.
I'm looking forward to not having chemo-fog anymore.
I'm looking forward to the constant acid indigestion stuff going away! (fellow chemo girls, if it doesn't go away, I don't need to know now. tell me in a few weeks! OK? LOL)
I'm looking forward to not having to remember the last time I had a bowel movement and not having to take meds to make that happen. TMI? Oh well. LOL
My hair. Yes, I am looking forward to my hair. I still haven't lost it all. I don't have enough hair to go public and I have too much hair to go public as a bald woman. Not that I'm asking to lose it. As much as I like my wig, I want it to grow again. QUICKLY. VERY QUICKLY.
Most of all, I am looking forward to being DONE!
My sister is coming over in the morning. We'll take Rachel to camp and then head to the office for my 9:30 am appointment. They'll access my port and take some blood. Then, once the results are back, I'll see the oncologist. At 10:00 am, they'll start my pre-meds and then I'll get the chemo. Should be done by noon. :) Then, I'll try to take a nap (not too hard bc of the benedryl) and head back to dancing school for Rachel's show at 3pm. That's my day.
I have my meds lined up and ready to go. I am DEFINITELY taking a sleeping pill tonight, even though I don't know if I need it. In additional to all the other horrible things that went wrong with cycle 3 (didn't post about them all but some are due to forgetting meds), I didn't sleep well the night before. I had a touch of the "I don't want to do this!!!!" anxiety. I don't have that now. Just a relief and some excitement about this being over. It's just hard to wrap myself around the concept that I still have to recover the following week or two. So many emotions. I am still upset that I had to do this. Still angry it happened to me. Still have so much ahead- surgeries, another 5 yrs of medication, and learning to live with that nagging fear of recurence.
I'm looking forward to food tasting normal again. These drugs cause an odd taste in your mouth, a not so nice one at that.
I'm looking forward to not having chemo-fog anymore.
I'm looking forward to the constant acid indigestion stuff going away! (fellow chemo girls, if it doesn't go away, I don't need to know now. tell me in a few weeks! OK? LOL)
I'm looking forward to not having to remember the last time I had a bowel movement and not having to take meds to make that happen. TMI? Oh well. LOL
My hair. Yes, I am looking forward to my hair. I still haven't lost it all. I don't have enough hair to go public and I have too much hair to go public as a bald woman. Not that I'm asking to lose it. As much as I like my wig, I want it to grow again. QUICKLY. VERY QUICKLY.
Most of all, I am looking forward to being DONE!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Today's news
Nothing new really.
I still have this cold. It's better than last week, but it's still here. I doubt that it's bad enough to delay chemo on Friday.
Speaking of chemo on Friday, IT'S MY LAST ONE!!! Yes, I am shouting. LOL! It's really too bad it just doesn't end then. I still have to combat the effects with a million and one medications for the days afterwards. I still will need sleeping pills to stay asleep even though I'm exhausted. I still will need pills to prevent the severe constipation that happens for a few days and then yet other pills for when that finally reverses itself. And let's not forget the extremely valuable (literally and figuratively) anti-emetics. Plus the aspirin, Neulasta shot, Aleve (for the pain the Neulasta shot causes), and whatever else I am forgetting. Then, I will be DONE, DONE, DONE!!!!!
Not sure how to celebrate yet. I do have tickets for a few classes on Saturday at the Creating Keepsakes Convention in Valley Forge, PA. I had registered before life turned upside down with this diagnosis. In fact, I think registration was time around when I went for the first mammogram. With this cold and the chemo the day before, I don't know if I'll have the energy to go. It will require some pre-planning (anti-emetics and fluids are vital that day), but I think I might be able to do it. Really won't know until that morning. Oh well. There are just things in life we can't control (I know, I know.. kind of funny coming from a control freak).
I still have this cold. It's better than last week, but it's still here. I doubt that it's bad enough to delay chemo on Friday.
Speaking of chemo on Friday, IT'S MY LAST ONE!!! Yes, I am shouting. LOL! It's really too bad it just doesn't end then. I still have to combat the effects with a million and one medications for the days afterwards. I still will need sleeping pills to stay asleep even though I'm exhausted. I still will need pills to prevent the severe constipation that happens for a few days and then yet other pills for when that finally reverses itself. And let's not forget the extremely valuable (literally and figuratively) anti-emetics. Plus the aspirin, Neulasta shot, Aleve (for the pain the Neulasta shot causes), and whatever else I am forgetting. Then, I will be DONE, DONE, DONE!!!!!
Not sure how to celebrate yet. I do have tickets for a few classes on Saturday at the Creating Keepsakes Convention in Valley Forge, PA. I had registered before life turned upside down with this diagnosis. In fact, I think registration was time around when I went for the first mammogram. With this cold and the chemo the day before, I don't know if I'll have the energy to go. It will require some pre-planning (anti-emetics and fluids are vital that day), but I think I might be able to do it. Really won't know until that morning. Oh well. There are just things in life we can't control (I know, I know.. kind of funny coming from a control freak).
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
A little giggle and a few tears
My Dad called to let me know his surgery went OK today. What surgery? oops. That's what I asked too. I'm so stuck in my own little cancer world that I had forgotten when he was having cataract surgery. It's all over, he did just fine.
He asked how my hair was doing. Obviously, Dad's not reading this blog and we haven't seen him since a few days before I started chemo. I said my hair is fine. I put it on before I leave the house and I take it off when I get home. At times, I have short hair and at times, it's long. Some days I am a brunette and some days I am a redhead. That's it.
It made me laugh. :) Him too. I still think he doesn't totally "get" what's going on. He and his fiance do keep asking what they can do. I really just don't know what to say when people say that. And in all honesty, it does make me sad bc I know that if my mom were alive, that's not the sort of thing she'd say. She would just "do." That's just who she was.
He asked how my hair was doing. Obviously, Dad's not reading this blog and we haven't seen him since a few days before I started chemo. I said my hair is fine. I put it on before I leave the house and I take it off when I get home. At times, I have short hair and at times, it's long. Some days I am a brunette and some days I am a redhead. That's it.
It made me laugh. :) Him too. I still think he doesn't totally "get" what's going on. He and his fiance do keep asking what they can do. I really just don't know what to say when people say that. And in all honesty, it does make me sad bc I know that if my mom were alive, that's not the sort of thing she'd say. She would just "do." That's just who she was.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Genetics
Today, I am having my blood drawn for BRCA gene analysis.
Thanks to my insurance company, this is the second time I'm having this done. Back in May, just after my lumpectomy, I met with a genetic counselor and had the blood drawn. My insurance company categorically denied the test, despite my filing appeals and a grievance against them. Then, after the threat of public exposure by a group at Yale (THANK YOU!), they reversed their decision and decided that they will now look at BRCA and other genetic tests on a case by case basis. Prior to this, they had a policy in place that denied ALL genetic testing unless it was prenatal. So, essentially, I could have gotten pregnant, had a PUBS (percutaneous uterine blood sampling, where the cord blood is drawn IN UTERO) and gotten results for my fetus, but not myself. Anyway, that fight is over now. They are covering it 100%! They just won't cover it retroactively. So, even though the lab had already extracted my DNA, we have to start all over again.
Here's my little public service announcement for the day:
MOST BREAST CANCER IS NOT GENETIC! 80-90% of breast cancer occurs in women without a significant family history.
Had to get that out of the way bc so many people believe they are not at risk bc "it's not in their family."
There are a few known mutations in the BRCA genes that bring a huge risk of breast cancer (and ovarian cancer) to the unlucky owners. Only about 5% of women/men with this disease actually carry these gene mutations. (We all carry these genes BTW. These genes probably are tumor suppressors when they are intact and fully functional). But, women with one of these gene mutations carry up to an 85% chance of developing breast cancer and up to a 60% chance of developing ovarian cancer. Just like with everyone else, the risk increases with age. Just being of Ashkenazi Jewish descent and being a woman diagnosed with breast ca under the age of 50, my risk of having one of these mutations is about 12%. However, because we already know that there is a BRCA1 gene mutation in the family, there's a little over a 50% chance risk that I do carry this gene.
I did consider having this test done a few years ago (the gene was only isolated in 1994). However, I had no first degree relatives with breast or ovarian cancer (not my mother or sister). Because of that, traditionally, I was not considered to be at a significantly increased risk. Increased, yes, but not a huge increase. Plus, being tested at that time would have brought about fears of genetic discrimination by insurance companies, etc. At this point, I already have had breast cancer, so I am ALREADY at increased risk for getting another breast cancer no matter what. That's a 1% risk each year and it's additive, so it's a 10% risk in 10 yrs, 40% in the next 40 years. Pretty high by itself without adding the possibility of the BRCA gene mutation into the mix. Also, there are laws about discrimination now and the lab will not release the results to any insurance company.
At this point, having these results is probably only for my sister and my daughter. I've decided that I want a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction for a myriad of reasons. I was originally just going to go with a lumpectomy and radiation bc the cancer was caught at such an early stage. I'm just not fond of the increased risk from age alone and I've already taken the watch and wait approach for this half of my life with regards to breast cancer. I'm being proactive with the second half.
Now, as for that cold. It's STILL here. :(
Thanks to my insurance company, this is the second time I'm having this done. Back in May, just after my lumpectomy, I met with a genetic counselor and had the blood drawn. My insurance company categorically denied the test, despite my filing appeals and a grievance against them. Then, after the threat of public exposure by a group at Yale (THANK YOU!), they reversed their decision and decided that they will now look at BRCA and other genetic tests on a case by case basis. Prior to this, they had a policy in place that denied ALL genetic testing unless it was prenatal. So, essentially, I could have gotten pregnant, had a PUBS (percutaneous uterine blood sampling, where the cord blood is drawn IN UTERO) and gotten results for my fetus, but not myself. Anyway, that fight is over now. They are covering it 100%! They just won't cover it retroactively. So, even though the lab had already extracted my DNA, we have to start all over again.
Here's my little public service announcement for the day:
MOST BREAST CANCER IS NOT GENETIC! 80-90% of breast cancer occurs in women without a significant family history.
Had to get that out of the way bc so many people believe they are not at risk bc "it's not in their family."
There are a few known mutations in the BRCA genes that bring a huge risk of breast cancer (and ovarian cancer) to the unlucky owners. Only about 5% of women/men with this disease actually carry these gene mutations. (We all carry these genes BTW. These genes probably are tumor suppressors when they are intact and fully functional). But, women with one of these gene mutations carry up to an 85% chance of developing breast cancer and up to a 60% chance of developing ovarian cancer. Just like with everyone else, the risk increases with age. Just being of Ashkenazi Jewish descent and being a woman diagnosed with breast ca under the age of 50, my risk of having one of these mutations is about 12%. However, because we already know that there is a BRCA1 gene mutation in the family, there's a little over a 50% chance risk that I do carry this gene.
I did consider having this test done a few years ago (the gene was only isolated in 1994). However, I had no first degree relatives with breast or ovarian cancer (not my mother or sister). Because of that, traditionally, I was not considered to be at a significantly increased risk. Increased, yes, but not a huge increase. Plus, being tested at that time would have brought about fears of genetic discrimination by insurance companies, etc. At this point, I already have had breast cancer, so I am ALREADY at increased risk for getting another breast cancer no matter what. That's a 1% risk each year and it's additive, so it's a 10% risk in 10 yrs, 40% in the next 40 years. Pretty high by itself without adding the possibility of the BRCA gene mutation into the mix. Also, there are laws about discrimination now and the lab will not release the results to any insurance company.
At this point, having these results is probably only for my sister and my daughter. I've decided that I want a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction for a myriad of reasons. I was originally just going to go with a lumpectomy and radiation bc the cancer was caught at such an early stage. I'm just not fond of the increased risk from age alone and I've already taken the watch and wait approach for this half of my life with regards to breast cancer. I'm being proactive with the second half.
Now, as for that cold. It's STILL here. :(
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Eyebrows
I am obsessing over my eyebrows.
They have not fallen out. Actually, it's getting close to the point where they could use a little shaping. Normally, I'd be plucking the stragglers by now. I just can't get myself to do it. What if my eyebrows do start thinning or falling out altogether and THAT one hair is one that was NOT going to fall out????? I don't even like to touch them for fear that I might accelerate the process. Rationally, I know what's going to happen is going to happen. Touching them isn't giong to change anything. My hair has stopped falling out. (Probably going to start falling out again today just bc I wrote that!) I rarely have to shave my legs. Still, I read about others who lost their eyebrows after treatment. I have just one treatment to go, so this could easily be in my immediate future.
I keep looking at eyebrow products on-line, just in case. I can't believe how much is out there for making your own eyebrows or filling in sparse ones! Never been an issue here! I've always had more than enough eyebrow hair of my own. Can't decide whether I should go ahead and get some stencils and powders and the like just to have on hand. I probably will for when we go on vacation at the end of next month. It would just be yet another insult to have them fall out while we are away and not be able to do anything about it.
On other fronts, still fighting that stupid cold. Don't have much of a voice. Still tired compared to normal, the new normal that is. It's a little easier to handle without chemo fog making it a million times worse. Hoping it clears very quickly now so I can get a few good days in before my last treatment. Yes, the LAST one!! Sincerely hoping I'm better and it's not postponed.
They have not fallen out. Actually, it's getting close to the point where they could use a little shaping. Normally, I'd be plucking the stragglers by now. I just can't get myself to do it. What if my eyebrows do start thinning or falling out altogether and THAT one hair is one that was NOT going to fall out????? I don't even like to touch them for fear that I might accelerate the process. Rationally, I know what's going to happen is going to happen. Touching them isn't giong to change anything. My hair has stopped falling out. (Probably going to start falling out again today just bc I wrote that!) I rarely have to shave my legs. Still, I read about others who lost their eyebrows after treatment. I have just one treatment to go, so this could easily be in my immediate future.
I keep looking at eyebrow products on-line, just in case. I can't believe how much is out there for making your own eyebrows or filling in sparse ones! Never been an issue here! I've always had more than enough eyebrow hair of my own. Can't decide whether I should go ahead and get some stencils and powders and the like just to have on hand. I probably will for when we go on vacation at the end of next month. It would just be yet another insult to have them fall out while we are away and not be able to do anything about it.
On other fronts, still fighting that stupid cold. Don't have much of a voice. Still tired compared to normal, the new normal that is. It's a little easier to handle without chemo fog making it a million times worse. Hoping it clears very quickly now so I can get a few good days in before my last treatment. Yes, the LAST one!! Sincerely hoping I'm better and it's not postponed.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Is it over yet? TGIF
Haven't been updating bc it's just been a lousy week. This cold, on top of chemo, has totally done me in.
On Wed, while driving Rachel to dance camp, I ended up getting dizzy and short of breath. Called the oncologist's office (I was just around the corner) and drove right over. Ended up getting a quick dose of steroids and a nebulizer treatment for my asthma along with fluids for a few hours. My lifesaver of a friend, Patria, came and picked me and took me to my internist. Ended up getting another nebulizer treatment there. By then, I was feeling better (not normal, just better) and we were able to go out for lunch. :) Umm... next time we need to have lunch, I'll try to arrange it so it's not an emergency!
And so much for chemo-pause. Chemo typically puts a lot of women into a temporary or not so temporary (depending on your age) menopause. Let's just say that's not an issue here.
On the fun side, I did a last minute layout for Sherry Laffoon and Meridith Watson's new paper line (Bella Fleur) with Sonburn for CHA (Craft and Hobby Association trade show). Beautiful papers!
On Wed, while driving Rachel to dance camp, I ended up getting dizzy and short of breath. Called the oncologist's office (I was just around the corner) and drove right over. Ended up getting a quick dose of steroids and a nebulizer treatment for my asthma along with fluids for a few hours. My lifesaver of a friend, Patria, came and picked me and took me to my internist. Ended up getting another nebulizer treatment there. By then, I was feeling better (not normal, just better) and we were able to go out for lunch. :) Umm... next time we need to have lunch, I'll try to arrange it so it's not an emergency!
And so much for chemo-pause. Chemo typically puts a lot of women into a temporary or not so temporary (depending on your age) menopause. Let's just say that's not an issue here.
On the fun side, I did a last minute layout for Sherry Laffoon and Meridith Watson's new paper line (Bella Fleur) with Sonburn for CHA (Craft and Hobby Association trade show). Beautiful papers!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Not fair
Just not fair.
It wouldn't be fair if it was just a cold in the middle of this blasted heat wave. But on top of chemo, it's just not fair! I took a bigger dose of Ambien CR last night, fell asleep so nicely, and still was up around 4 am, coughing my head off. :( Grabbed an inhaler, made myself a cup of tea and I'm having a pity party until I can take Rachel to camp this morning. Then, I'm going to head to the supermarket, drop off my prescription and raid their shelves for something for this cough, come home and see if I can sleep a little more. Sounds like a plan.
I'd like to think that I'd be feeling fine, or at least OK if it weren't for this cold. I know that might not be true, but it's what I'm going to believe today.
I actually did finish that scrapbook page yesterday. :P There was a "How much it too much?" challenge on my favorite scrapping message board, 2Peas. I think I did use a little too much, but it was fun. I haven't been doing much creating at all lately which made it even more fun. This is Rachel at dance camp last summer. Probably a good idea to scrap some of those photos before I add this year's photos to the pile.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Well that didn't work
Willing today to be a better day has backfired.
I definitely have a summer cold. At least that's what it feels like on top of everything else. The unsettled feeling is better but I've got that fog, fatigue and dizziness thing going on.
Can't remember what my plans were for the day, but whatever they are, they are off. LOL
I did start a scrapbook page this morning. Wanna take bets on how many days it's going to take to finish it?
I definitely have a summer cold. At least that's what it feels like on top of everything else. The unsettled feeling is better but I've got that fog, fatigue and dizziness thing going on.
Can't remember what my plans were for the day, but whatever they are, they are off. LOL
I did start a scrapbook page this morning. Wanna take bets on how many days it's going to take to finish it?
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Day 3, Cycle 3
Hot. Humid. Unsettled stomach.
That's today in a nutshell.
Rachel's off rollerskating and having dinner at a friend's house. Made the day easier bc I'm not good company today.
I'm going to will tomorrow to be a better day again. Not that this is the worst day I've had. Just not one of the good ones like I've had the other two times on day 3. The good news is that I don't have to shave my legs or underarms on a regular basis anymore. :p And the best news is that is only one more day 3 to go through after this!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
The morning after
I KNEW it would be a better day!
Not quite good enough to insert a happy dance. :P But SIGNIFICANTLY better than yesterday! Sleep is an amazing thing. So are all the positive thoughts and prayers that are sent my way. :) I appreciate them more than words can ever say.
I took a bigger dose of Ambien last night. I slept from probably 10 pm to 6 am. :) Love that sleeping through the night thing! Not being exhausted makes such a huge difference in being able to handle all the other side effects that go with this poison coursing through my veins and out my bladder. You should see the interesting colors. And no, I'm not taking a picture. LOL! It wouldn;t show well anyway with our circa-1950 colored toilets. It's now 8am. I've had almost 2 full 8 oz glasses of water (mostly to get the 10 meds down) and I'm working on a cup of herbal tea (pina colada and vanilla bean mixed, from Teavana) to maybe soothe that scratchy throat that started on Thursday night. Rachel and I went a little nuts in Teavana and came home with a bunch of interesting flavors a few weeks ago.. things like banana, black raspberry, vanilla bean and our favorite, pina colada. They have so many flavors out to sample, all flavored with honey (which we don't normally use at home) so they all taste incredible. Some need a little work though (ie sweetening, so maybe I should add some honey. LOL)
It's supposed to be very hot again today, so I plan to take it easy. Would love to scrap a little today, but I say that to myself everyday and have only done a few cards and just one layout in the last month or so. All the cards were thank yous to mail out, didn't scan a single one. No PC submissions at all... felt a little left out when the emails went out yesterday but I didn't submit a thing. I know this is foreign talk to my non-scrapper readers. LOL!
Today is a roll with the flow day.
Not quite good enough to insert a happy dance. :P But SIGNIFICANTLY better than yesterday! Sleep is an amazing thing. So are all the positive thoughts and prayers that are sent my way. :) I appreciate them more than words can ever say.
I took a bigger dose of Ambien last night. I slept from probably 10 pm to 6 am. :) Love that sleeping through the night thing! Not being exhausted makes such a huge difference in being able to handle all the other side effects that go with this poison coursing through my veins and out my bladder. You should see the interesting colors. And no, I'm not taking a picture. LOL! It wouldn;t show well anyway with our circa-1950 colored toilets. It's now 8am. I've had almost 2 full 8 oz glasses of water (mostly to get the 10 meds down) and I'm working on a cup of herbal tea (pina colada and vanilla bean mixed, from Teavana) to maybe soothe that scratchy throat that started on Thursday night. Rachel and I went a little nuts in Teavana and came home with a bunch of interesting flavors a few weeks ago.. things like banana, black raspberry, vanilla bean and our favorite, pina colada. They have so many flavors out to sample, all flavored with honey (which we don't normally use at home) so they all taste incredible. Some need a little work though (ie sweetening, so maybe I should add some honey. LOL)
It's supposed to be very hot again today, so I plan to take it easy. Would love to scrap a little today, but I say that to myself everyday and have only done a few cards and just one layout in the last month or so. All the cards were thank yous to mail out, didn't scan a single one. No PC submissions at all... felt a little left out when the emails went out yesterday but I didn't submit a thing. I know this is foreign talk to my non-scrapper readers. LOL!
Today is a roll with the flow day.
Friday, July 14, 2006
chemo day update
Accessing the port did not hurt this time. Barely felt it at all. :) A very good thing! Used both the EMLA and the spray.
I went into this tired today. I'm a little anemic compared to where I started so that may have a tiny bit to do with it. Not enough to need meds for. If I drop further, that may mean another injection. Not a big deal. I also didn't take a sleeping pill the night before (hi Patria! LOL), I only take them a few days after chemo, but might just take one before the next one in 2 weeks. I did some puzzles (the ever popular sudoku) and read a bit. I even tried to take a short nap but I'm too light of a sleeper, especially in a medical environment. One of the docs came into the room and was asking a nurse the dose for something. Somehow, I could hear that in my sleep (if any of my medical friends are around, they'll relate. it's a holdover from residency) and I instantly woke up and gave them the answer.
I left VERY tired. Came home and napped a little. Woke up and picked up Rachel, came home and went back to bed. I'm up now bc I needed a Zofran. I need to sit up and get another cup or two of liquids in as well. Not happy bc in the last 2 cycles, I didn't take it on the first day bc I felt that I needed it. I just took it the first night as a preventative according to the schedule I was given. Actually, in the time I've been sitting here, I think the Zofran is starting to kick in a little. Maybe I can actually eat dinner soon. :) I'm thinking soup for me tonight- more liquids and light on the tummy.
Waiting for the steroid induced energy to kick in! That will take me through Monday. Yeah, yeah. The steroids are why I need sleeping pills for a few days and why I am going to eat us out of house and home, but they are good for that burst of energy!!
I went into this tired today. I'm a little anemic compared to where I started so that may have a tiny bit to do with it. Not enough to need meds for. If I drop further, that may mean another injection. Not a big deal. I also didn't take a sleeping pill the night before (hi Patria! LOL), I only take them a few days after chemo, but might just take one before the next one in 2 weeks. I did some puzzles (the ever popular sudoku) and read a bit. I even tried to take a short nap but I'm too light of a sleeper, especially in a medical environment. One of the docs came into the room and was asking a nurse the dose for something. Somehow, I could hear that in my sleep (if any of my medical friends are around, they'll relate. it's a holdover from residency) and I instantly woke up and gave them the answer.
I left VERY tired. Came home and napped a little. Woke up and picked up Rachel, came home and went back to bed. I'm up now bc I needed a Zofran. I need to sit up and get another cup or two of liquids in as well. Not happy bc in the last 2 cycles, I didn't take it on the first day bc I felt that I needed it. I just took it the first night as a preventative according to the schedule I was given. Actually, in the time I've been sitting here, I think the Zofran is starting to kick in a little. Maybe I can actually eat dinner soon. :) I'm thinking soup for me tonight- more liquids and light on the tummy.
Waiting for the steroid induced energy to kick in! That will take me through Monday. Yeah, yeah. The steroids are why I need sleeping pills for a few days and why I am going to eat us out of house and home, but they are good for that burst of energy!!
One, two, three, four, five....
I just counted. If I didn't leave anything out, I have 10 medications to take this morning. That does not count the ones I'll get in the office. I think there will be 5 more (Benadryl, Decadron, Aloxi, Adriamycin and Cytoxan). Then, later in the day, I'll add in Zofran and at night, I'll add in my new best friend, Ambien CR (sleeping pill) plus a second dose of some of the ones I took in the morning. I think that brings the grand total for the day to 20.
The only good thing I can think of this morning is that after today, I only need to do this once more!!
And here is where I'd rather be today....
The only good thing I can think of this morning is that after today, I only need to do this once more!!
And here is where I'd rather be today....
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Here we go again
25 hours until my next chemo session.
I am really feeling OK. The acid reflux is not too noticeable (of course, I am taking drugs for it but I don't seem to need the second dose). My intestines are behaving quite normally. This is probably TMI, but my bottom is almost normal too. LOL! I am easily tired but then again it is hot, humid and sticky and who isn't tired a bit more easily in this weather? It's just more than normal for me. My friend Dana (who I really need to call soon) warned me about the cumulative effects. As always, she was right. :) I am definitely more tired this go round than the first time.
Still, for all the positives, I'm not in a good mood today. Today I start pushing fluids so that I will be well-hydrated tomorrow. I go back to taking even more medications starting today to help combat the chemo side effects. Tomorrow morning, I take Rachel to camp and then I start watching the clock. I have to time when I take Emend, the miracle anti-nausea drug (just approved for post-surgical use, check out the link if you are a business minded type) and apply the EMLA cream to my port so it won't hurt so much when they access it. Funny, the first time they accessed the port, they used Hurricane spray (a topical anesthetic) and I barely felt it go in. The second time, I had the EMLA and they used the spray and it hurt like.. well.. It hurt! Once they are in, it's fine. They draw the blood and run the IVs right through it and it doesn't hurt when any of that happens nor when they disconnect it.
Ahh.. The port. I have written about all this stuff in my journal but not here bc I started this about 2 months later. My port went in at the end of May. I have to tell you that this procedure totally FREAKED me out! OMG! I was not this anxious about the lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy (SNB). I think I was less upset about the whole cancer diagnosis than this stupid port insertion. I realized it was partly a control thing. I know how to do a needle localization and a lumpectomy. I've never done a sentinal node biopsy. That procedure became the gold standard after I finished residency but I do know how to do an axillary node dissection and I'm sure I could easily do a SNB if I had to (you know.. if I was in the middle of the wilderness with a vial of blue dye and had to do an emergency SNB.. LOL!). I've never inserted a port though. Yes, I do have a clue about how it is done, but it's not something that my hands would automatically and simply be able to do.
I had my port inserted under conscious sedation in the radiology dept at St. Pete's, my old home away from home. There's something nice about walking in there for these sorts of things bc I have an instant comfort level from spending so many years there. When we checked into admissions, I saw several familiar faces. I had forgotten it was Wednesday, grand rounds day for OB/GYN. Most didn't see me and a few said "hi." One, someone who was actually at my wedding, did stop and ask questions. He was very concerned (and how rightly so!) but I was SO not ready to discuss it. Most of the blog readers who know me know this is not my normal nature. I'm usually quite free about discussing anything, even myself. I just wasn't ready. Fortunately, Howie came to my rescue and said we were just there visiting. LOL!
Next, we went to the waiting room and waited and waited and waited. Howie was annoyed with the length of time and the lady on her cell phone. I was happy to wait forever. Didn't want to do this. When we finally were called into the room, everyone knew me. I didn't remember all these nurses, certainly knew faces, but not names. Still, they all remembered me. That was nice. When I started to get teary, one confided in me about her ovarian cancer experience... And then I remembered her. Finally, they took me to the procedure room. Once again, I knew everyone. That helped tremendously. I can remember being getting on the table and being draped. I asked to see the actual port (see.. there's that control thing again). The scrub nurse was funny. She tells me not to look at the other things... you know.. the big scary needles that come in the port kit. Funny, but those needles were certainly less scary to me than something foreign that was going to be actually IMPLANTED in my body!! My memories after this are minimal. I remember Chris saying he was putting the Versed into my IV and then I remember him telling me he was going to start injecting local (if you've never had a local, it feels like sharp bee stings... not nice). I have ZERO memory of the injections or anything else. Next thing I knew, it was over and they were taking the drapes off. It was about a million times easier than I expected. I had absolutely no pain whatsoever from it until late that night. Must have used a nice long acting local :) Not long enough though. I was sore for about a week. I did go back to work 3 days later.
Back to the chemo. I am planning to go to this session alone. The benadryl doesn't hit me until a while later so driving home won't be a problem. My sister volunteered to come, but it won't work out time-wise bc she has somewhere else she has to be in the afternoon. Plus, if she's going to take a day off to come, I'd rather it be that last one. Not sure that anyone is around who could swing it anyway. Too many people away, working, or home with their kids this time of year. Maybe I'll even get to read this time.
I am really feeling OK. The acid reflux is not too noticeable (of course, I am taking drugs for it but I don't seem to need the second dose). My intestines are behaving quite normally. This is probably TMI, but my bottom is almost normal too. LOL! I am easily tired but then again it is hot, humid and sticky and who isn't tired a bit more easily in this weather? It's just more than normal for me. My friend Dana (who I really need to call soon) warned me about the cumulative effects. As always, she was right. :) I am definitely more tired this go round than the first time.
Still, for all the positives, I'm not in a good mood today. Today I start pushing fluids so that I will be well-hydrated tomorrow. I go back to taking even more medications starting today to help combat the chemo side effects. Tomorrow morning, I take Rachel to camp and then I start watching the clock. I have to time when I take Emend, the miracle anti-nausea drug (just approved for post-surgical use, check out the link if you are a business minded type) and apply the EMLA cream to my port so it won't hurt so much when they access it. Funny, the first time they accessed the port, they used Hurricane spray (a topical anesthetic) and I barely felt it go in. The second time, I had the EMLA and they used the spray and it hurt like.. well.. It hurt! Once they are in, it's fine. They draw the blood and run the IVs right through it and it doesn't hurt when any of that happens nor when they disconnect it.
Ahh.. The port. I have written about all this stuff in my journal but not here bc I started this about 2 months later. My port went in at the end of May. I have to tell you that this procedure totally FREAKED me out! OMG! I was not this anxious about the lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy (SNB). I think I was less upset about the whole cancer diagnosis than this stupid port insertion. I realized it was partly a control thing. I know how to do a needle localization and a lumpectomy. I've never done a sentinal node biopsy. That procedure became the gold standard after I finished residency but I do know how to do an axillary node dissection and I'm sure I could easily do a SNB if I had to (you know.. if I was in the middle of the wilderness with a vial of blue dye and had to do an emergency SNB.. LOL!). I've never inserted a port though. Yes, I do have a clue about how it is done, but it's not something that my hands would automatically and simply be able to do.
I had my port inserted under conscious sedation in the radiology dept at St. Pete's, my old home away from home. There's something nice about walking in there for these sorts of things bc I have an instant comfort level from spending so many years there. When we checked into admissions, I saw several familiar faces. I had forgotten it was Wednesday, grand rounds day for OB/GYN. Most didn't see me and a few said "hi." One, someone who was actually at my wedding, did stop and ask questions. He was very concerned (and how rightly so!) but I was SO not ready to discuss it. Most of the blog readers who know me know this is not my normal nature. I'm usually quite free about discussing anything, even myself. I just wasn't ready. Fortunately, Howie came to my rescue and said we were just there visiting. LOL!
Next, we went to the waiting room and waited and waited and waited. Howie was annoyed with the length of time and the lady on her cell phone. I was happy to wait forever. Didn't want to do this. When we finally were called into the room, everyone knew me. I didn't remember all these nurses, certainly knew faces, but not names. Still, they all remembered me. That was nice. When I started to get teary, one confided in me about her ovarian cancer experience... And then I remembered her. Finally, they took me to the procedure room. Once again, I knew everyone. That helped tremendously. I can remember being getting on the table and being draped. I asked to see the actual port (see.. there's that control thing again). The scrub nurse was funny. She tells me not to look at the other things... you know.. the big scary needles that come in the port kit. Funny, but those needles were certainly less scary to me than something foreign that was going to be actually IMPLANTED in my body!! My memories after this are minimal. I remember Chris saying he was putting the Versed into my IV and then I remember him telling me he was going to start injecting local (if you've never had a local, it feels like sharp bee stings... not nice). I have ZERO memory of the injections or anything else. Next thing I knew, it was over and they were taking the drapes off. It was about a million times easier than I expected. I had absolutely no pain whatsoever from it until late that night. Must have used a nice long acting local :) Not long enough though. I was sore for about a week. I did go back to work 3 days later.
Back to the chemo. I am planning to go to this session alone. The benadryl doesn't hit me until a while later so driving home won't be a problem. My sister volunteered to come, but it won't work out time-wise bc she has somewhere else she has to be in the afternoon. Plus, if she's going to take a day off to come, I'd rather it be that last one. Not sure that anyone is around who could swing it anyway. Too many people away, working, or home with their kids this time of year. Maybe I'll even get to read this time.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Going, going...
Not gone yet! LOL
These are both self-portaits
This one was taken on July 5 in the back of the RV, after the massive hair loss began.
This was taken yesterday, July 10. The hair loss seems to have stopped for now. I don't really need to shave my legs or underarms at this point. But I still have this light coating of hair on my head (a bit more on the back). We'll have to see if 2 more treatments make a difference. I am so thankful to have my eyebrows... while they last that is! I hear they often go just AFTER treatment ends.
These are both self-portaits
This one was taken on July 5 in the back of the RV, after the massive hair loss began.
This was taken yesterday, July 10. The hair loss seems to have stopped for now. I don't really need to shave my legs or underarms at this point. But I still have this light coating of hair on my head (a bit more on the back). We'll have to see if 2 more treatments make a difference. I am so thankful to have my eyebrows... while they last that is! I hear they often go just AFTER treatment ends.
The good days
I'm now three days away from my next chemo.
It seems to take a week for the poison to get out of my system. Of course, I know it's not really out of my system in that time. The effects do continue, but after a week, I feel pretty much normal. I'm left with a little less energy and some acid reflux, nothing major. I can sleep. It's a very strange thing around that one week point. It's really does feel like a fog lifting. And then it's gone, as if it had never happened in the first place.
The problem with the good days, like today, is that it only means that it's almost time to start all over again. I have to admit to brief fleeting moments when I just don't want to do it again. I just want to go back on with my life, keep getting stronger, and get back into shape! Before this diagnosis, I had been working hard at eating right and exercise. I lost over 15 lbs and dropped a few pants sizes. I NEVER drop top or dress sizes, so I suppose that may be one benefit of my future surgery. :)
It seems to take a week for the poison to get out of my system. Of course, I know it's not really out of my system in that time. The effects do continue, but after a week, I feel pretty much normal. I'm left with a little less energy and some acid reflux, nothing major. I can sleep. It's a very strange thing around that one week point. It's really does feel like a fog lifting. And then it's gone, as if it had never happened in the first place.
The problem with the good days, like today, is that it only means that it's almost time to start all over again. I have to admit to brief fleeting moments when I just don't want to do it again. I just want to go back on with my life, keep getting stronger, and get back into shape! Before this diagnosis, I had been working hard at eating right and exercise. I lost over 15 lbs and dropped a few pants sizes. I NEVER drop top or dress sizes, so I suppose that may be one benefit of my future surgery. :)
Monday, July 10, 2006
More hair (or lack thereof) pics!
A rare shot taken by dh. Me, actually in a bathing suit.
This is the only day we actually went to the beach during the day (instead of the evening). This is my number one favorite hat. It's one of those hats specially designed for bald women, so it covers a bit more of my head. I may be going back to get it in other colors. I really wish they had it in white!
This is one of my other hair alternatives. It's a strip of velcroed in hair from www.hatandhair.com. It's much better for being out in the sun and hot weather than any of my wigs. I'm just not happy with how very straight the hair is, especially the bangs. So, as you can see, I haven't been wearing the bangs at all. Plus, the hair is a cheaper synthetic so it is a little itchy and less natural feeling. I also have a baseball cap in a lavender summery print plus the velcro works in my straw cowboy hat! Pretty cool shot by Rachel.
A little self-portait. Taken today, July 10. This is my megabucks wig. Still have to name her. I wore it less flippy today and tamed it down quite a bit. I can wear it fluffier and flippier if I want to. I also change the part around. It has a see-through scalp that looks very realistic. When I wore it to a party on Sunday, I had TONS of compliments on my hair from people that had no idea what was going on. I did tell a few the truth. :) It was fun to accept the compliments before telling the whole torrid story!Next, I'll have to post some of the balding photos. I'm getting brave here! Not brave enough to go out without something on my head yet. I suspect that won't come until I am actually really bald. As you'll see when I get around to posting the photos, I am not totally bald yet. My hair is VERY sparse. I don't need to shave my legs or underarms everyday, but I still have a few major patches of hair, especially behind my head. I expected it would have all been gone by now, but the major falling out (is there a word for this??) seems to have stopped. At least that is how it has been the last 2 or 3 days. Weird.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Part Two, The Wigs
I was lucky to have been given two wigs from a co-worker who just stopped wearing her usual wig. She finished chemo 6 months ago. Thanks Margie!
Here's number one. The color is good but I think it's too short. I thought I might wear it for work, but I'll probably donate it instead.
Number two. I thought it was too poofy at first. Rachel and I called this wig "Bozo." Now that I look again, it's not bad at all. My own hair would have been MUCH poofier at this length! The red really makes my eyes look green (hard to tell at this size I suppose).
I see now that I don't actually have a good pic of my ultra-expensive wig. Lots of pics of it being cut and styled so I'll share some of those and you can get the idea for now.
In the midst of the trimming and styling process. I actually do like this color more than my natural color. I might just be matching it someday.
The back. I think this is pre-styling but she didn't really do anything to the back.
This is as close to a final shot as I have. Going to have to talk to Rachel about avoiding Mommy's profile. LOL.
Here's number one. The color is good but I think it's too short. I thought I might wear it for work, but I'll probably donate it instead.
Number two. I thought it was too poofy at first. Rachel and I called this wig "Bozo." Now that I look again, it's not bad at all. My own hair would have been MUCH poofier at this length! The red really makes my eyes look green (hard to tell at this size I suppose).
I see now that I don't actually have a good pic of my ultra-expensive wig. Lots of pics of it being cut and styled so I'll share some of those and you can get the idea for now.
In the midst of the trimming and styling process. I actually do like this color more than my natural color. I might just be matching it someday.
The back. I think this is pre-styling but she didn't really do anything to the back.
This is as close to a final shot as I have. Going to have to talk to Rachel about avoiding Mommy's profile. LOL.
Extreme Haircut, The Photo Shoot
As much as I dislike my profile, this is the best of the before pics. Rachel only took 2. The other was far too back lit. I already had several inches cut off about a month beforehand.
And so it begins....
Still quite a bit to go. I can still hear the constant click of the scissors when I look at these!
Getting closer.
This was when we realized that we could have done something totally out of character like a mohawk.
Done! (Check out Rachel in the mirror)
If it were a little longer, it could almost be cute. LOL
I was struck by two things at the end. I can't believe how much I look like my FATHER! LOL. The other was a sad, fleeting thought. All vanity aside. I suddenly thought of those who came before me, the distant relatives I never knew, having their hair cut off in concentration camps.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
The history of Breast Cancer
http://www.bcdecker.com/SampleOfChapter/1550092723.pdf
I thought this was fascinating. I'd love to have read more on the modern history of breast cancer treatment. So much has changed already in the 13 yrs since my cousin was diagnosed, and of course, even more so from the days when my aunt was treated. I already felt "lucky" to have had this in 2006 vs 1996. Read this article and now I'm feeling even luckier! LOL
What I also love about this article is how it illustrates that breast cancer is NOT a new disease. I truly HATE the implications by some (ok.. one person in particular.. yet another story for another time) that this is all because of modern life. Nope. Sorry. Errors in DNA repair go back to the dawn of time. Period. I suppose not everyone is like me and actually owns the first edition of "DNA Repair," so perhaps I have a deeper understanding than most. :P And yes, I know the numbers of us affected have gone up bc of unknown environmental factors. But the fact remains that our generation did not invent this disease.
I thought this was fascinating. I'd love to have read more on the modern history of breast cancer treatment. So much has changed already in the 13 yrs since my cousin was diagnosed, and of course, even more so from the days when my aunt was treated. I already felt "lucky" to have had this in 2006 vs 1996. Read this article and now I'm feeling even luckier! LOL
What I also love about this article is how it illustrates that breast cancer is NOT a new disease. I truly HATE the implications by some (ok.. one person in particular.. yet another story for another time) that this is all because of modern life. Nope. Sorry. Errors in DNA repair go back to the dawn of time. Period. I suppose not everyone is like me and actually owns the first edition of "DNA Repair," so perhaps I have a deeper understanding than most. :P And yes, I know the numbers of us affected have gone up bc of unknown environmental factors. But the fact remains that our generation did not invent this disease.
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