Can you believe it?

I'm going for haircut #2 this week.

It's only been 6 weeks, but my bangs are driving me nuts again. So, I'm going back in! LOL.

My second haircut since it all fell out. I suspect I'm going to need haircuts more often keeping it this way. I could also use color again, but I'm too cheap to spend all that money at once. I swear I need to learn how to cover my grays myself one of these days. If only they'd put the directions on the outside of those boxes so I could judge for myself without buying it first!

What's on tap this week

It's a busy week.

Lots of things on the schedule. A little shopping, baking, yoga, driving Rachel everywhere, getting Rachel new jazz shoes for the Nutcracker, picking out tattoo colors, a few shifts at work, a hockey game. All sorts of fun.

Did you catch the one I slipped in there?

Me? A tattoo? That's something I never thought I'd experience. I know myself well enough to know that any tattoo I might have picked out as a teenager would not be something I'd want as a 20-something. Any tattoo I'd pick out as a 20-something, would not be something I'd want as a 50-something. You get the picture. I might admire tattoos that other people have, but it's not something I've ever actively wanted for myself. At least not for more than about 5 minutes. So, it's just not me.

Yet, this Thursday, I have an appointment to pick out tattoo colors. We (and by we I mean me) are entering the last phase of my reconstruction. The nipples that were created back in the summer are now well-healed and have settled down (read that as shrunk to normal sizes). It's time for a little color.

Honestly, as we've gone through each phase, I've thought "Hey, I don't need to do this. I can live with them like this." Hmm..... Not true for the first phase when I just had partially deflated expanders. But it was true for the nipple-less phase. I could have stayed like that forever. It was OK. The breasts or foobs (remember fake boobs=foobs) looked OK without them, especially under clothes, but they look so much more real with them. I imagine I'll feel the same after this part. They look OK with invisible colorless arealae. You can't even tell there's no color under clothing. LOL. I have seen the final product on others and it is amazing. You'd have to look closely to see that it's not real. I am looking foward to that part. I imagine it sounds strange that I am looking forward to not being reminded of the scars on my chest. The scars will still be there, but with the addition of color, the eye will not notice the scars as the first thing you see.

Kind of nervous about this. Not big time nervous, just a little nervous. It's something permanent so I want to make the "right" decision. Reminds me why I never had an interest in getting a tatto in the first place!

Looking for an update?

I know, I know.

Long time, no blogging. I've probably lost my handful of once faithful readers.

My excuses?

I don't know. I've certainly had many entries written in my head. There was the one about being relieved that October, National Pink Ribbon Month, was over. There was the new episode of Tales from the Cancer Chronicles, the one where Mom (me) can make her boobs dance. Oh.. there were actually two episodes for Tales from the Cancer Chronicles. The other one was yet another silly boob trick. If you hold up a flash light to your foob (a new word for fake boob... get it.. Fake bOOB. LOL), it will glow. Not the flashlight. The foob. For some reason, one of mine glows better than the other. You can also see all the vessels left in the skin. Cool, huh? Granted, this is a trick I never thought to try with my old breasts. Someone try it and let me know. :P And not on a radiated breast. I can almost guarantee that won't work.

As for everything else... I had a nice normal exam (we like those) with my breast surgeon this week. I see the medical oncologist in 3 months. I see both of these docs every 6 months, but the appointments are spread out so that I'm seeing someone every 3 months. I see the podiatrist again next month. Yup, still working on that toenail issue from August. Not pretty. So glad it's winter and I don't want to wear sandals! Really hoping it's normal by summer!

I finally got to meet up with once of my fellow YSC friends, Steph, earlier this month. Amazing what you can do with a timer on the camera. Too bad you don't get to see me jumping over the fence and running to get into the shot. This was also probably about 2 weeks after my first post-chemo haircut. Definitely much less poofier than it was before. I'm thinking I might just keep it around this length. Hmm.. I'm also thinking maybe I should have gotten that shirt in a smaller size after all. I generally buy everything one to two sizes smaller than I wore before, but when something comes in S, M or L, I just go for the medium when I probably should try on the small to at least make sure I'm buying the right size. I'm looking forward to the day when I am actually used to this body and can buy things without trying them on in every size!

A little more Halloween and a sales pitch from Rachel

Here she is.
The girlie girl rockstar in all her fabulousness.

LOL.
This is the costume Rachel created in a matter of moments. I told her that I thought is looked a bit too much like what she wears everyday. Apparently she agreed. I didn't take a picture, but I can share that the very next day, she wore these boots, leggings, skirt and the light colored shirt to school! The boots are a size too big but she wore them anyway, for the sake of fashion.

I swear this child is going to end up in business someday.

Her latest sales pitch is to you, my blog readers.

(from Rachel)

My school Parents Association is selling magazine subscriptions to raise money for activities. My goal is to sell 18 subscriptions so that I can win a limo lunch cruise! You can renew or order a new subscription. Click on this link to order.

Happy Halloween!

We started celebrating a little early this year. This picture is from the 5th grade dance I chaperoned on Friday night. It seems to be the only photo I have with me in it out of the 200 I took that night. Thanks to Patria for grabbing my camera and getting it done!

No, no pink wig for me this year. :P It wouldn't fit on my head once I had more than a 1/2 inch or so of hair. It was actually a kids costume wig I found at Target. What's funny is that in my right hand in the photo is a witch's hat trimmed with a purple boa. All us chaperones were going to wear one. I couldn't fit mine on my head thanks to my hair.

I should mention that I actually have gotten a hair cut. I went to someone who only cuts curly hair. He totally thinned it out so no more Afro for me. It's probably a little flatter than usual in the picture because I had tried several times to wear that hat! LOL

And the super observant might notice that Rachel is wearing the Warrior in Pink scarf from last year. It was a gift from one of my chemo angels last fall. I sometimes cannot believe it was only last year.

Miss Rachel is considering wearing a different costume for Trick or Treat tonight. So many other years, she's worn something different to whatever events occurred before Halloween, saving her "real costume" for the actual day. Now, she a big Middle Schooler and there are no costume events on the actual day for them. She's undecided between being a dancer from A Chorus Line or Minnie Mouse. I vote for Minnie Mouse. She looks like a dancer several days a week already! That's not a costume! LOL

Keeping it light

There are so many entries I have composed in my head but I'm keeping it light this morning.

I've been tagged by Andrea

*4 JOBS THAT I'VE HAD
- Character Performer at Great Adventure (also ride operator and costumer!)
- Easter Bunny
- Technical marketing Specialist for HIV and Hepatitis Diagnostic Products (did that one while going to med school)
- ob/gyn

*4 MOVIES THAT I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER
- Hairspray (the original)
- Hairspray (the new version)
- Dead Again
- The Princess Bride

*4 TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
- Grey's Anatomy
- Biggest Loser
- Big Love
- The Riches

*4 PLACES I HAVE LIVED
- Manalapan Township, NJ
- Troy, NY
- Long Beach, CA
- Princeton. NJ

*4 FAVORITE FOODS
- Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
- Lobster (probably because it was a forbidden fruit when I was a kid)
- fresh pineapple
- creme brulee

*4 FAVORITE COLORS
- deep red
- sage green
- purple
- pink

*4 PLACES I WOULD LOVE TO BE NOW
- a quiet full service resort on a Carribean island
- Kona Village in Hawaii
- London, England
- I'd like to do a tour of the west and see the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Bryce canyons in Utah, etc.

*4 NAMES I LIKE, BUT WOULD NOT NAME MY CHILDREN
- Sarah (already in use in the family)
- Jeremy (OK.. I probably would have used this had I had a boy)
- Michael (already in use)
- Rebecca (this was in the running for Rachel, but did not work with our last name)

I'll have to figure out who to tag later! :o

One more try... Race for the Cure photos!

If the photo above is actually visible, here's the who's who!

Top row- Joi, Lisa, Debbie, Debbie's parents, John and Patria

Bottom row- Katie, Sarah, Me, Rachel, Kendra, Devin with Robert behind him

Sleeping in the stroller- Marco

Race for the Cure

********************Don't know why the photos are not showing up. I think Blogspot was having a bad day when I uploaded them. I noticed there are some other photos that were once present that are missing from some older posts now too. I'll try to re-upload everything later.

Joi, Lisa, Debbie, Debbie's parents, John and Patria (Top row)
Katie, Sarah, Me, Rachel, Kendra, Robert and Devin
Marco (sleeping in the stroller)

I am actually a little taller than the 10 yr old girls in the photo! My knees are bent. Really! I am bending down a little. :P

I thought I had a picture of my sign. Sadly, it was hard to fit in everyone's names. Mine listed ME (of course), my cousin Sally and her mom Rose Claire, my other aunt, Phyllis, plus Stef, Steph, Dana and all my YSC friends.

Here's to Friday!

Tomorrow is my last official day. :) Starting Saturday morning, I go back to my normal world of just working nights and weekends instead of working days, nights and weekends, all 12-24 hr shifts.


Tomorrow is also the day Rachel comes home! My "baby" has been away at The Farm School in MA for the last week, slopping the pigs, feeding the cows and chickens, clearing brush, cooking, cleaning and whatever else needs to be done on a real working farm. This is not the first time she's been away from home (Space Camp in August 2006), but it's the first time she's been away this long without any phone contact at all. We're lucky that the school has posted daily updates, including a few photos. I pulled the last two off the site. :) At least I know she looks good and has taken to wearing her hair in pigtails! LOL. Can you spot her in the second photo? Yes, she has coordinating hot pink boots to match her hot pink headband. Those boots are a whole other story. We'd been shopping for muck boots and finally found a pair at Walmart. Silly me, I didn't know to look for Wellies. Never heard of them before. They sure are cute, but I didn't discover them until I had already bought the so called "ugly black boots for BOYS" (can you hear her saying that? LOL). I told her she was just going to have to live. I even offered to paint them. Then, she wore them to school for a day (teacher's suggestion) and ended up with blisters. Yikes. It was too late to order something on-line, but we learned that Nordstroms carried cuter boots. Sadly, they were not in her size. The clerk did find Croc boots in her size though. He came out and apologized that they only had hot pink in her size. Rachel's response was "YES!" So, she is now the proud owner of the much more comfortable hot pink Croc boots.

And, now my final plug for the NJ Race for the Cure. THANK YOU so much to all that have supported our little team, Breasts are for Babies. We far surpassed our meager goals due to your help! Can't wait to see those of you who will be joining us there too!

What? It's not September anymore?

I was right.

September flew right by. Once again, I feel like I have missed so much, but at least this time around, it wasn't because I was stuck at home with 4 drains, unable to drive or do much of anything for myself!

I have one more week of full-time plus work left. 60 hours to work this week and then life returns to normal. Sort of. Life then jumps into in a catch-up period. I have medical appointments galore for myself and Rachel has several dental/orthodontic related appointments. All things that couldn't fit into the schedule while I was working these crazy hours. I admit I have enjoyed this time, at least while at work. I don't enjoy missing what I've been missing at home though. It will be nice to get back to my normal part-time schedule for a while. At least until I figure out my next step professionally.

One more plug for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure.

My team page is here .

I think it may be too late to register on line, but you can still help. :)

The Race for the Cure

Just 24 hrs before the deadline, I finally decided to not just attend but to register my own team for the NJ Race for the Cure on Oct 14 at Six Flags Great Adventure.

Here's the team website, Breasts are for Babies. You can either click on the "join Melissa's team" button and join us as a runner or walker (I'll be doing the latter as I'll be coming off a 24 hr shift) or even as a sleeper (you'll get a pillow case instead of a T-shirt). Or you can click on the "support Melissa" button and make a donation. Rachel is registered for the Fun Run (for 10 and under).

I'm not big on fundraising, so this is about the extent of my plea. :)

The 80's called....

and asked that I return my wardrobe from that era.

And more. Much more.

I did it.

I finally did it.

For years and years, I've had this nicely sized walk-in closet stuffed the brim with clothing. The sizes range from an 8 to an "I don't ever want to be that big again" 14. The clothing dates back to as far as the 1980s. Yes, I actually found the dress I wore to my high school graduation in the closet. Rachel did not want to keep it (so.. it's a little yellow and a little out of style... LOL), so out it went along with my banana yellow and lime green jump suits. Complete with shoulder pads. And, just because that image is not complete without a photo...

Aw... come on... you didn't have one too? I actually had 3 including one in black. I admit, that even back then, I mostly wore the black one. I thought I looked sharp in it. And thin.

So, on the eve of the anniversary of the day my hair sprouted, I woke up and decided it was finally time. 90% of the clothing did not fit anyway. Even the things I bought in this century. I'm pretty much keeping just what I've bought this year and just few older T-shirts to wear for exercising.

9 full large trash bags went to Goodwill. I'm sure someone will love these items for an 80's dance. Maybe. LOL! Not every bag was filled with clothing from the distant past. There were plenty of things that were bought in the last 5-10 years that just do not fit my reconstructed chest. It was painful to give up some of my favorite outfits, but the reality is that they no longer looked nice at all. :( But, it's not as much fun to take pictures of that sort of clothing... so more of the 80's and what was I thinking?? LOL!

I so loved this black taffetta and velvet number. Even with the double layer of double thick shoulder pads! LOLBoth Rachel and I love this fabric. Thought it might make nice pillows or maybe a curtain. Didn't everyone have a floral dress like this? I had about a dozen.


Ah yes... another of those floral dresses. This one was hard to part with because it was my favorite. OK. It is a size 7 and I will never be a size 7 again. An 8, yes. Not a 7. I wore this the day I met Howie's extended family. It was what I wore to Sara's Bat Mitzvah. So what if Sara is getting married this year. So what if it was something like 18 years ago. I know, I know. Don't worry. The dress went too.

Rachel says that Stacy and Clinton need to thank me for doing this on my own. :o And I say that I still could use a visit from that dynamic duo to help me figure out how I should be filling all that empty space in my closet. That rack behind me in the photos is the middle rack in the closet. When I woke up this morning, it was jam packed, from one end to the other. Now it is sparsly filled with a few hangers, a SMALL handful of dresses, a new hanging shoe rack and a hanging sweater rack that holds my pocketbook collection. :)

L'Shana Tova

Happy New Year! For the uninitiated, that's what Rosh Hashana is and l'shona tova is my wish to you all for a happy, healthy and sweet new year.

And now for a little newsflash:
It took one week to put it on and two weeks to take it off. Nevertheless, I am happy to report that I have lost the weight I put on during the cruise. Funny how I still managed to gain weight despite being pretty careful about what I ate and exercising daily!!

It's so strange to scroll down and see that photo from my birthday last year. It still is just as surreal as it was when it was happening. And while I admit that I am now happy with my curls, it still is odd to see photos because it's not how I picture myself. In my mind, I still look more like my profile pic on this site- straighter hair, with waves, not loose curls everywhere.

That's all.. just some random thoughts for the day. I'm now about 1/2 way through this stint at working full time. I suppose I should call it full time plus as I'm doing anywhere from 48-84 hours a week. It's like residency all over again except I have a little more "off" time than I did back then!

Adventures in Portrait Photography

Those with several children can probably relate well to this.

We took Rachel plus my niece and nephew to have a portrait done as a gift for my dad for his 70th birthday later this week. (Yes, lots of birthdays in our family this week.. Dad's, mine, his wife's and even my grandfather's birthday). Miss Hannah really was not very interested in having her picture taken. She wasn't interested much in smiling either until we had left the store, of course! LOL. We spent over an hour all for the want of a single photo.

Here are the results.

The last one is actually my favorite.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Kind of a mixed up day.



So happy to have another birthday! Seriously. Nothing like having had a potentially fatal disease to make you appreciate aging. :)



It's also a day when I miss the call my mom would have made to me, usually sometime around 5:16 pm, my birth time. :)


Took Rachel to school this morning, something that was a little anti-climatic. We did our traditional first day photos at home and at school (one at each place) but no other pictures. I guess she is too old for all that. It also doesn't help that yesterday was orientation and I wasn't there for that. First school event I have missed in several years.


I know I've posted both of these before, but I wanted to share the contrast. What a difference a year makes, huh?

Cruise highlights and a little lowlight

Some shots from the cruise:



This is actually from the return trip, in the wee hours of the morning (about 5:30 am) just after we crossed under the bridge on the way to the pier (midtown Manhattan). I have some cool shots of the Statue of Liberty, but most of them were taken on the vertical, so you'll have to wait for at least some basic photo editting! These are all straight out of the camera. :)

Iguanas were everywhere in St. Thomas. This was one of many hanging out in the outdoor eating area at Coral World.

I loved this shot on the little screen on my camera. If you can't tell, it's a turtle peering out over the water. I'm now itching to learn how to use photo actions to make some of these sorts of shots even better. I've got a ton to learn first, I think.. maybe.

This is the only formal shot we bought. Incidentally, it scanned just fine, as you can see. I was not pleased with the cost of the pictures on this cruise. More than I had remembered from other cruises, plus there were no candids like we had on other cruiselines. The candids were usually my favorites. Plus both my husband and daughter said my photos are better than the ones we had to pick from. Maybe, maybe not... but I'm not in the photos I take. Anyway, I had to buy this one because it is the only picture of me in my new dress. :P I like this dress. It's essentially the same style as the one below, (the one I bought for Jessica's Bat Mitzvah) but obviously more summery.

Just found this one. It's from the second formal night, taken on our enormous wrap around balcony. It's probably the best example of where my hair is now, a year after chemo was done. Still very curly, but then again, I have not had it cut yet. This was taken about a week before my birthday. For contrast, you might want to look here (scroll down to Oct 13.. yes my bday is Sept 6, but I was otherwise occupied last September so it wasn't posted til the next month). Hey look- there's even a hint of cleavage. That's all. A hint. And that's just fine.

Here I go again. This is actually the second time I am posting a photo of myself in a bathing suit. And I still haven't lost the weight I had last summer. LOL. OK. In reality, I gained even more but I lost that and I'm back to about were I was during chemo. My arm looks funny because Rachel was slipping as she was trying to climb on the rock with me! LOL! This was taken on one of those disposable waterproof cameras at the Baths in Virgin Gorda, one of the highlights and lowlights of the trip. Mostly a highlight. I would love to get a waterproof digital or a smaller digital with a waterproof case for something like this in the future. All our cave shots came out very poorly because there was no flash. Guess I'll just have to go back! Anyway, the caves were amazing. The water was gorgeous and calm. The snorkling was incredible.... until my little incident occured. Nothing like getting your brain tossed right back into Cancerville when you are mentally at the furthest point away from that. Just a silly little thing, she says NOW. While snorkling in the crystal blue waters, I lost a toenail. No trauma. Didn't hit anything. It just simply lifted off. Not completely. It was hanging by a thread so I put a bandaid on and kept the nail on until we got home. Didn't seem silly at the time. I admit I was traumatized, but I got over it quickly because there was so much more I wanted to see at the Baths.

That seems to be all blogger will let me load for now.

So, it's back to reality tomorrow.

Rachel has middle school orientation. I am back to work. I have about 6 more weeks of this crazy schedule and then things return to the quiet normal. A happy medium would be nice and is something I am slowly working on achieving. Tomorrow will be Howie's first day working from home. He'll be doing that twice a week while I'm working both days and nights.

Running on Overdrive!

That's my life right now.

And that's a good thing... I hope!

As of this week, I am back to full time work for the first time in several years. I'm working 12 hour days actually during the day. :o For those that are not aware, normally I cover 12-24 hour shifts as an in-house doc on nights and weekends. For the next several weeks, I'll still be doing that but I will also be doing several shifts during the day where I cover both the hospital and run an ob/gyn clinic that happens to be located across the parking lot from the hospital. So far, I have to admit that I love it, but it is exhausting! I can see that I was burned out before. I don't know that I'd want to work this many hours ALL the time, but the money will be nice. I worked 72 hours this past week and the full time job only started on Wednesday! This will help make up for a bit over 6 months total of no paycheck between the time I ended up taking off for chemo and all the various surgeries I've had in the last 15 months. And, I am hoping that maybe it will lead to slightly more work in the future.

Fortunately, just after I get the hang of things, I will get a break. We are going on a previously scheduled cruise vacation. :) So, the few moments I've had away from work have been filled with shopping for clothes to wear (mostly for me since nothing fits right) and packing. Oh yes.. and sleeping. Not enough sleeping. I almost feel like I am in residency again. Long days with lots of action. I imagine September 2007 will be like September 2006 in one way.. it will last forever and pass by in blur.

Anyway... if I am a little quiet over the next week and the weeks to follow that, you'll know why!

It's Showtime!

We're getting ready for Rachel's final theatre camp performance today... which means I should actually print out the photos from the yesterday and the last show, 3 weeks ago! While I'm in the process of doing that and charging the battery, I thought I'd share a few from the last production, "Kids Rock," a history of music from the 50's to the early 60's. It was pretty much all done in the form of songs from Broadway shows. From the top, Rachel and Jack dancing the jitterbug, Rachel in "Surfin USA" (second from the right), and Rachel in a scene from "Bye Bye Birdie." Blogger won't let me share much else today. Not very cooperative! :(

I'll try to sneak in just one more.. Rachel and her friend, Joey, in the finale from this weekend's show, "Rock on Broadway."

I was lucky to get decent seats at the final dress rehearsal both times. If I sit close enough and the lighting is not too bizarre, I get pretty decent shots by pushing the ISO to 400 and shooting in P mode with the shutter speed up most of the time. I still get unusuable shots, but I'm starting to find that I'm now getting more usable ones than not. :) I have a pretty good idea of what I'd need to do even better but I don't actually have a DSLR. I do have PSE 5.0 on order (finally) so I'm hoping that learning to play with actions and the like will help even more!

Don't No Body Bring Me No Bad News!

25 Brownie points to whomever can name that song. :)

It's a no bad news, all good news sort of day.

First....

No more stitches!!!

Well, that's not entirely true. There's one left. It's dissolvable so it will eventually fall out all by itself. But, all the rest of the stitches are gone. No need to restock my Neosporin supply (already went through one tube) and no need to go buy more dressings. Turn off the oven and open the door... I am DONE!

Not completely done, but done enough for now. Tattoos to follow in a few months.

More good stuff. The very expensive medication I started 2 months ago to bring my cholesterol and triglycerides back down to earth is actually working. My cholesterol is back down to normal! Yahoo! The triglycerides are back down to a shade above normal. I am confident I can bring them all the way down to normal once I add back my omega3 supplement. I had stopped taking it for my recent surgery, but that was 2 weeks ago, so it's time to add them back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know all about diet and exercise. My levels all went UP despite diet and exercise. That's what menopause and maybe some tamoxifen (in a small number of people.. like me!) will do for ya.

And even better, my LFTs were ALL normal. My cancer friends will understand that one! Each and everyone was normal except for the one they couldn't run because the specimen was hemolyzed. Sitting in the back of my brain for the last 2 months was the fact that one of the enzymes checked in that panel 2 months ago was out of the normal range. This is life living on the other side of Cancerville. The concept that the other shoe can drop without any warning. In most people, an elevation like that is usually totally meaningless. In someone with a history of the sort of cancer that likes to recur, an elevation in a simple blood test can be the first sign of something bad. The actual enzyme that was elevated is one that can rise in liver and bone mets. I know someone who had a small elevation, smaller than mine was, and it turned out, in retrospect to be the first sign of mets. So... big sigh of relief here today!

A little reminiscing...

While driving home from bringing Rachel to the theatre for camp this morning, I was thinking about all the little things I have on my agenda for today. I need to pick up some more small gauze pads, I want to get some blueberries, and I need to get a few things together for a scrap booking session this morning. Then, it hit me what life was like this time last summer. It's that telescope of time thing again. It feels both like it was so long ago that maybe it never happened at all and it feels like it was yesterday. At this point last summer, I was getting geared up for my last chemo session and was pretty darn sick with some kind of upper respiratory thing I could not shake. Driving Rachel to and from camp was about all I could handle most days. Walking to the other end of the house was something I waited to do because it seemed so very far away!

I mostly like the feeling that this all was so far away and so long ago. :) I have a different body, different hair and a different mindset.

That's all. It's almost time for another picture. I think a photo a year after finishing chemo would be a good thing. Something to put on the schedule for next week. :)