I am feeling SOOOOO much better! I don't have all my energy back, but I feel essentially normal. A few little things still going on, but I actually can forget this happened until I catch a glimpse of my nearly bald head in the mirror or if I see my shadow. I forget that strange, unfamiliar shadow actually belongs to me.
Then, there's a morning like this one.
My scalp was a little sore last night. Reminded me a little of when my hair fell out. I wore a turban yesterday. Didn't leave the house (I usually wear my wig out) and it was a chilly day (relatively speaking). I put it back on this morning and took it off before my shower. I noticed a collection of little hairs scattered in it. I can't decide if they are from before (haven't worn the turban since late June) or if they are new. I do have a few little tiny new hairs on my head (very tiny and very few), but today's happenings make me think that they might be new. :(
Worse.
Much worse.
I noticed how uneven my eyebrows are today. I know I lost a few more over the last few days and a few more this morning. Neither looks terrible in my opinion, but they do have different shapes. I did try to make them a little more even and then stopped cold.
WHERE ARE MY EYELASHES?????????
THEY WERE THERE BEFORE and now they are not.
Honestly, I did think there are a few missing a while ago. Just a few. I had to look very closely to tell that and was just guessing. But, now it's the reverse. There are very few left on my lower lids at all. Not really enough to put mascara on!!! There are so few that I can actually count them. I am not pleased. Not at all. I thought this was over. I'm supposed to be in the regrowth phase.
I guess I can do the eyeliner trick. You wear eyeliner and it makes it so your eyes don't get totally lost in your face. Not a huge fan of wearing make up. Especially with this horrendously dry skin that remains from chemo. Make up doesn't work well with being on call at night (in and out of bed) and won't work well at all with surgery. Chances are, I'm just not going to do it.
Please send rapid hair growth thoughts my way!!! I want my eyelashes back. If the eyebrows stay as is, I won't complain. I just want my eyelashes. And my hair. Especially my hair.
2 comments:
I'm not sure how I first found your blog, but I am on this breast cancer journey as well. I thought I would give you some encouragement on the eyelashes!! I finished chemo on June 30. At the end of July, I was on vacation visiting my family and realized that my eyelashes were becoming few & far between. When we got back, my 8-year old daughter counted one day and there were 6!! Soon, there were none! But, just as I was getting most frustrated about it, they were coming back!! They aren't long yet, but there are a whole lot more - maybe even more than before chemo!! I can wear mascara again on my eyelashes instead of just smudging it where they used to be!! So, my experience is that they should come back fairly quickly now that they are gone! It is just one more reminder that this may never really be over, but that it will be a process of continual change. For me, the current changes are more of an emotional nature as I figure out how to process all that has happened and how it fits into my life at the present! But, God has a plan, and it's actually kind of exciting to watch it unfold and see what comes of all of this! God's blessings to you as you continue your journey!!
Carol Esser
Mayer, MN
Hi Melissa,
I am also on a journey like you. I found your blog through the breast cancer org and like you I am also a scrapper. I have been scrapbooking 7.5 years and have written monthly articles for an Australian magazine for the last 3.5 years. I am so happy for you that your chemo is over.
Good luck with your surgery.
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