Sunday, September 17, 2006

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

I HAVE HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, there's lots more to report since the 12th, but I wanted to start with my hair!!

For someone like me with such pale skin and such dark hair, the chemo-related hair loss has been a loss of color. I've become lighter and lighter, truly ghostlike in appearance. I thought it was over, but the loss picked up again a month after chemo ended. I nearly lost my eyebrows completely but then the tiny new hairs started coming in as the last few hairs held on. The thin appearance wasn't so bad..... at least I didn't have to wax or pluck them. The worst part was the fear of losing them completely. I am so very thankful that I managed to escape needing to create eyebrows. Even if it was only by a day and about 4 or 5 brow hairs.

I lucked out too with my upper lashes. They did not fall out in noticable numbers until they came back in. That was all within the last few days. I went from long upper lashes with some tiny missing spots to short lashes. All in about 3 or 4 days. The lower lashes are a lost cause but I expect to see a return any second now.

I'd been noticing more and more hair on my pillow at night and inside my hats over the last 2 weeks. Not the direction I wanted to be moving in. I had not read about others losing more hair over a month after chemo. I looked in the mirror late last night and noticed COLOR!! ACTUAL COLOR! It's faint, but I can see it! Instead of feeling skin everywhere, I can feel soft fuzz!! Everyone else can too. I made dh and dd feel it this morning too. It's not quite that velvety feeling it had when it was first cut, but it's close. Someday, when I move back into the rest of the house (living in the family room bc it's easier), I'll add pictures. I looked much balder than I had thought on my bday last week. It took the photo to make realize how much more loss I'd had.

This was perfect timing. I'm about 6 weeks from my last chemo but I'm also recovering from a ton of surgery. While I am incredibly relieved to have all 3 (4 if you count the port, 6 if you count each breast) procedures finished, I'm not happy with my physical state. I tend to hold very high expectations of myself with regard to recovery. Expectations that are so high that I cannot possibly meet them and become dissappointed. I'm needing a lot more pain meds than I expected and I'm not getting around as well as I'd like. Everyone keeps saying how great I'm doing, but I'm not seeing it bc I want and expect more. The gift of the return of my hair is a physical sign that recovery, a return to my life, is just around the corner.

5 comments:

Shirley said...

WOOHOO, Melissa!!!

Anonymous said...

Wonderful news! I'm so very happy for ya. :)

danahollis said...

Woohoo! So glad we had a chance to chat! ;)

This is a new chapter for you! :)

Hugs!
Dana

Anonymous said...

Hair falls out so hair can grow...
I bet you do have more hair then Hannah by the winter holidays!
BTW - She stood today!

Anonymous said...

This is pamper yourself week. Yay you have hair. New, beautifully coloured hair. I am thrilled about your eyelashes too. But you aren't being gentle with yourself. You must take delicate care of your new body. (Boobs are now new and improved too as per your previous post...)

Pain meds are for those who need them. You just had major surgery X a few. It's not like you are going to become an addict because you need tylenol #3 for a couple of weeks. Seriously girl...you are amazing and an inspiration to your family and all of the Peas.

Rest, relax, rejeuvenate, and recover. Your new mantra.

If all that fails go scrap a page or two.

EllaPea