BREAKING NEWS!!!!

I HAVE HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, there's lots more to report since the 12th, but I wanted to start with my hair!!

For someone like me with such pale skin and such dark hair, the chemo-related hair loss has been a loss of color. I've become lighter and lighter, truly ghostlike in appearance. I thought it was over, but the loss picked up again a month after chemo ended. I nearly lost my eyebrows completely but then the tiny new hairs started coming in as the last few hairs held on. The thin appearance wasn't so bad..... at least I didn't have to wax or pluck them. The worst part was the fear of losing them completely. I am so very thankful that I managed to escape needing to create eyebrows. Even if it was only by a day and about 4 or 5 brow hairs.

I lucked out too with my upper lashes. They did not fall out in noticable numbers until they came back in. That was all within the last few days. I went from long upper lashes with some tiny missing spots to short lashes. All in about 3 or 4 days. The lower lashes are a lost cause but I expect to see a return any second now.

I'd been noticing more and more hair on my pillow at night and inside my hats over the last 2 weeks. Not the direction I wanted to be moving in. I had not read about others losing more hair over a month after chemo. I looked in the mirror late last night and noticed COLOR!! ACTUAL COLOR! It's faint, but I can see it! Instead of feeling skin everywhere, I can feel soft fuzz!! Everyone else can too. I made dh and dd feel it this morning too. It's not quite that velvety feeling it had when it was first cut, but it's close. Someday, when I move back into the rest of the house (living in the family room bc it's easier), I'll add pictures. I looked much balder than I had thought on my bday last week. It took the photo to make realize how much more loss I'd had.

This was perfect timing. I'm about 6 weeks from my last chemo but I'm also recovering from a ton of surgery. While I am incredibly relieved to have all 3 (4 if you count the port, 6 if you count each breast) procedures finished, I'm not happy with my physical state. I tend to hold very high expectations of myself with regard to recovery. Expectations that are so high that I cannot possibly meet them and become dissappointed. I'm needing a lot more pain meds than I expected and I'm not getting around as well as I'd like. Everyone keeps saying how great I'm doing, but I'm not seeing it bc I want and expect more. The gift of the return of my hair is a physical sign that recovery, a return to my life, is just around the corner.