Bye Bye Pink

As October rolls to a close, so does breast cancer awareness month.

The significance of this month has changed dramatically for me. I'm actually glad to see it go.

One would think it would be great and wonderful. All this pink support everwhere!

The reality is quite different. Don't get me wrong. There's an awful lot to be said about raising money for breast cancer (and all cancer) research and support. Enough cannot be said for anything that gets women to pay attention to their breasts and to get mammograms. Early detection is the key to survival. It's like the pap test. Before the 1960's, cervical cancer was the number one cancer-related cause of death for women. We've come so far.. pap tests were designed to detect cancer. Today, we use them mostly to find pre-cancerous conditions and now we have a vaccine that will prevent most cases of cervical cancer. We do need to get to a similar point with breast cancer. And I believe we will. It's just that there's an underside to all of this that you might not see until you walk on the other side.

Point 1- This is coming too late in the month already, but it's an important point. Think before you pink. http://www.thinkbeforeyoupink.org So many retailers jump on the pink bandwagon at this time of year. Not all of this pink is raising money for anything other than those selling the product. Even some of those that are raising money are not giving much and spending more on marketing their pink product than they are spending on the charity in the first place. http://www.thinkbeforeyoupink.org/Pages/CriticalQuestions.html Yes, it does make us feel good. I remember seeing socks with a pink awareness ribbon on them while shopping in Walmart a few days after I got the notice about my mammogram. While I was busy convincing myself that everyone has abnormal mammos (and they do eventually), I still picked up those socks. I even wear them. It made me feel good to support those whose mammos really were bad... not believing that *I* was one of them. Of course, if you are going to buy that bag of M+Ms anyway, go ahead and make it a pink bag! :)

[an aside.. or maybe not... I just remembered that my all-time favorite, best fitting bra was the Susan Komen foundation bra from Wacoal. I loved that bra. I still have them in my drawer. Nothing defied gravity and fit as well as that bra. I'm glad a dollar ot two went to help, but I would have bought that bra if it had cost $100 and no money went to any charity!]

Point 2- This month is about awareness. I need to remember that. I need to remember that it is not about me. I have never, ever, ever in my whole been as aware of breast cancer as I am at this moment. Not when I gave someone the news that her mammo was abnormal and she needed to see a surgeon for a biopsy. I've done that several times. Not when I examined a woman and knew in my heart what I was feeling was a cancer. Not even when my own family members had it. Not when our friend Judy lost her life. The difference is this. While I was acutely aware at the moment, the hour, the week, I could still turn around and lead my normal life. I could move past it. I could forget about breast cancer that night or the next week. I would be reminded later, but it was different. Breast cancer is now my life. It's part of every little thing I do. I loved those 2 weeks after I recovered from chemo, before my surgery. I finally had energy and was busy running around. I felt normal. Except it wasn't normal. As much as I was "moving on," the last bits of my hair were falling out and I had major surgery on the horizon. It was still part of me. I still had to pull on a wig or a hat if I went outside. I'm aware when I reach for the phone too quickly bc it HURTS! LOL. I'm aware everytime I move my arms or try to lay down. I am all too aware everyday. Yes, I'm still in treatment/recovery, so it is a more intense awareness. I know I will move on, and after a while, I won't have to think about it everyday. Looking forward to that.

This is not to say that I don't forget for whole minutes and even an hour or two at a time. Just last week, I was driving to physical therapy (something I do bc of the surgery I had bc of breast cancer). As I walked into the gym, I was feeling pretty dern good. This is part of reclaiming my life. I am going to get my range of motion back in both arms (but not my chest :() and I am going to build up my strength and endurance. I am moving on from breast cancer. Then, as I walked in the door, I was surrounded by a sea of pink. It took my breath away and, in all honesty, I wanted to cry. I didn't want to be reminded of the truth. I wanted to be walking into the gym like everyone else. But, do remember I said I need to remember this is not all about ME! It's about making sure that all women are aware and do what they need to do to find something like this as soon as possible. It means SBEs and mammos. It means NOT being quiet. It means making sure that everyone understands this could happen to them. It means reminding people that 80-90% of breast cancer does NOT involve family history. And, it means reminding people that this is not just a disease of the post-menopausal women. It happens to us younger fertile types too.

While I'm on the topic and while I'm thinking about someone else I know who needs to hear this....
I need to remember that we, the survivors, we are everywhere. I am headed to a party this afternoon. It's a party for about 25 kids. Three of us moms who will be there are premenopausal breast cancer survivors- 5 months, 3 years and 10 years. When I go back to work in December, I will see the nurse that gave me her extra wigs. I'll see another that told me what radiation was like bc she did it herself a few years ago. I'll see the anesthesiologist who had the same surgeries I had (all of them) bc she shares the same genetic issue I have. And that's just the night maternity crew at a community hospital. When I learned I had chemo, I played a game "spot the bald woman." I just didn't want to feel so alone. I wanted to see other women going about life and dealing with chemo. The first day I played the game, I found 2 women at 10 am in the supermarket. I realize now that there may very well have been more. In a room full of survivors last month (at Martha) no one realized I was wearing a wig until I asked questions of the women whose hair was growing back. Most didn't know until I took my wig off. Know that we are all around, everywhere. We're just not always easy to spot!

So goodbye to pink, but not goodbye to awareness.
And be aware that we are everywhere.
One in 8. That's not a small number.