My surgery has been approved by the insurance company! Great news bc I still had the fear in the back of my head that they'd deny it like they denied other things I felt were important. My plastic surgeon is not in my insurance plan, so it is truly huge news. My gyn and breast surgeons are both in network.
The big day will be Sept 12 at 7am. Expected to last about 6 hrs.
On other fronts, this will be my last post for over a week. We are headed to Alabama in the morning to take Rachel to Space Camp. It's her first sleep away camp experience and our first vacation for two since she was born!
See you later!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Monday, August 14, 2006
What are you doing today?
I'm going to get measured and pick out my new boobs today.
It's just not everyday you can say that!
It's just not everyday you can say that!
Friday, August 11, 2006
The best thing about today
I don't have chemo today!
Today marks 2 weeks from my last infusion. I did dose dense chemotherapy so I had treatment every two weeks instead of every 3. It's too bad there is no magic wand that suddenly makes the effects go away. After today, I move into uncharted territory. I've never been 2 weeks and 1 day beyond a chemo treatment. I just noticed that 2 weeks and 1 day after the last chemo also marks 1 month before surgery. The best part of that is that in about a month, there will be nothing left to do but recover (and have hot flashes, but that's another story).
I call this photo "2 Bald Girls with Earrings."
Today marks 2 weeks from my last infusion. I did dose dense chemotherapy so I had treatment every two weeks instead of every 3. It's too bad there is no magic wand that suddenly makes the effects go away. After today, I move into uncharted territory. I've never been 2 weeks and 1 day beyond a chemo treatment. I just noticed that 2 weeks and 1 day after the last chemo also marks 1 month before surgery. The best part of that is that in about a month, there will be nothing left to do but recover (and have hot flashes, but that's another story).
I call this photo "2 Bald Girls with Earrings."
That's not new hair on my head. That's what's left. No obvious signs of growth yet. You can see the slight patchiness of my eyebrows. I do have brow powder to fill them in if it gets worse before everything grows back. Miss Hannah fell asleep within minutes of this photo. I was doing my best to get her to smile, but she wasn't having it. LOL
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Random Musings
I actually scrapped yesterday! I started making a few cards to catch up on the many thank you notes I owe plus a few to submit to my favorite card making magazine. Then, I was going to place an order for prints but realized I haven't scrapped a single one from my last big order.
I had planned to use some pretty pink Chatterbox papers for this one. Sadly (LOL), I found that while I do have almost everything left from the pretty Chatterbox pink embellishment kit, I don't have matching papers. So, I changed my plans (except for the photo corners, there's one more in the bottom corner that got cut off) and went with Junkitz papers and my favorite HS chipboard letters (I know this is foreign language to the non-scrappers.. bear with me. LOL!) My "let me do a quick layout in a few minutes" plan turned into something much longer. It made me happy though and that's what counts. This is my niece with whom we'll be having dinner tonight- along with her brother and parents. :)
I had planned to use some pretty pink Chatterbox papers for this one. Sadly (LOL), I found that while I do have almost everything left from the pretty Chatterbox pink embellishment kit, I don't have matching papers. So, I changed my plans (except for the photo corners, there's one more in the bottom corner that got cut off) and went with Junkitz papers and my favorite HS chipboard letters (I know this is foreign language to the non-scrappers.. bear with me. LOL!) My "let me do a quick layout in a few minutes" plan turned into something much longer. It made me happy though and that's what counts. This is my niece with whom we'll be having dinner tonight- along with her brother and parents. :)
On other fronts, my morning pill count is dropping. Yahoo. As of this morning, I am done with antibiotics and anti-fungals. I still have a bit of a cough and a raspy voice though. My mouth is still dry most of the time and I'm hoping maybe the rest will go away when that does. No idea on how long that takes. I think I'll try to document it for when others ask the same thing. I'm almost 2 weeks out from the last A/C and still have acid reflux (had to buy more of those pills.. bought a bigger bottle this time so maybe that will make it stop!). I still have "other" issues and require a stool softener (how's that for TMI? LOL). The other annoyance is my eyes. I am constantly tearing. No signs of infection, just tearing. I'm wondering if this is actually do to dry eye as a result of chemo. I probably should add eye drops (something like Natural Tears) to my routine. I'm going to wait it out and see what happens first.
One week and a day until vacation!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
False Alarm?
After those few eyebrow hairs left the building, it stopped. I haven't lost another one. And trust me, I keep checking! Enough that Rachel has said numerous times "MOM! Your eyebrows are fine. Leave them alone." LOL! Can you hear the tone in her voice? Wonder where she gets that from?
So, off I went this morning. I dropped my prima ballerina off at dance for the day. As an aside, it's pretty funny. I drop off a prima ballerina in the morning and I pick up a break dancer in the afternoon. She has 3 hrs of ballet in the morning (not all straight dancing- they get dance history, vocabulary and some health lessons as well). In the afternoon, she has jazz, musical theater and vocal, tap and hip-hop. They've been learning different styles so she came home from week one "popping" and now she's breaking- spinning on her head and everything!
After I dropped the ballerina off, I headed to DMV for the dreaded picture license. They insisted on changing my hyphenated name, something they refused to do in the past. I don't use a hyphenated name but it ended up that way 13+ yrs ago at DMV. They used my passport as my primary ID so now everything matches... just the way I wanted it 13 yrs ago. The picture itself is OK. I look at it and I see clearly that it's me in a wig. I'll probably always see it that way. No big deal. How often do you actually look at your license? The picture is half way decent otherwise. And it's done. I now have a cool, hard to duplicate NJ license. This is in contrast to my paper, easy to copy, no picture version that I've carried forever.
So, off I went this morning. I dropped my prima ballerina off at dance for the day. As an aside, it's pretty funny. I drop off a prima ballerina in the morning and I pick up a break dancer in the afternoon. She has 3 hrs of ballet in the morning (not all straight dancing- they get dance history, vocabulary and some health lessons as well). In the afternoon, she has jazz, musical theater and vocal, tap and hip-hop. They've been learning different styles so she came home from week one "popping" and now she's breaking- spinning on her head and everything!
After I dropped the ballerina off, I headed to DMV for the dreaded picture license. They insisted on changing my hyphenated name, something they refused to do in the past. I don't use a hyphenated name but it ended up that way 13+ yrs ago at DMV. They used my passport as my primary ID so now everything matches... just the way I wanted it 13 yrs ago. The picture itself is OK. I look at it and I see clearly that it's me in a wig. I'll probably always see it that way. No big deal. How often do you actually look at your license? The picture is half way decent otherwise. And it's done. I now have a cool, hard to duplicate NJ license. This is in contrast to my paper, easy to copy, no picture version that I've carried forever.
Monday, August 07, 2006
The other shoe
Remember my eyebrow obsession? Waiting for the other shoe to drop and lose those precious hairs?
Well, it's happened. It's started.
I rubbed my eyes on Saturday and found a few eyebrow hairs on my finger.
It was exactly 8 days after my last A/C treatment, for those keeping track and for those also in this journey. I've always been one of those with thick eyebrows, so there is still plenty left to lose. If you aren't looking closely, you cannot tell at all. I had my eyebrows waxed when I had my hair cut shorter this spring. I have reached the point where there are stragglers that should be plucked, but I just cannot do it. Of course, I test those and try to pull on them and they don't budge at all. It's only the ones that need to stay put that seem to fall out.
The worst part of this is that my driver's license renewal came. In NJ, we have not had to have picture licenses. They are now phasing them in. And yes, NOW it is my turn to get a picture license. I have to go into the agency with my 6 forms of ID and have my photo taken NOW at this lovely point in my life when I am, for all intents and purposes, BALD and losing my eyebrows!!!!! This will be the photo I'll have as my identity for the next several years.
HOW LUCKY CAN YOU GET? (please note that statement is dripping with sarcasm)
Well, it's happened. It's started.
I rubbed my eyes on Saturday and found a few eyebrow hairs on my finger.
It was exactly 8 days after my last A/C treatment, for those keeping track and for those also in this journey. I've always been one of those with thick eyebrows, so there is still plenty left to lose. If you aren't looking closely, you cannot tell at all. I had my eyebrows waxed when I had my hair cut shorter this spring. I have reached the point where there are stragglers that should be plucked, but I just cannot do it. Of course, I test those and try to pull on them and they don't budge at all. It's only the ones that need to stay put that seem to fall out.
The worst part of this is that my driver's license renewal came. In NJ, we have not had to have picture licenses. They are now phasing them in. And yes, NOW it is my turn to get a picture license. I have to go into the agency with my 6 forms of ID and have my photo taken NOW at this lovely point in my life when I am, for all intents and purposes, BALD and losing my eyebrows!!!!! This will be the photo I'll have as my identity for the next several years.
HOW LUCKY CAN YOU GET? (please note that statement is dripping with sarcasm)
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
I seem to get my deepest thoughts either just before I fall asleep or when I first wake up.
This morning, I was thinking about Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's "On Death and Dying."
No, I am not dying except in that metaphorical sense in which we are all dying once we are born.
In her landmark book, she talks about the stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I realized this morning that I am cycling through these stages. Almost like a merry-go round, I am hitting them over and over again.
I thought I had jumped from the shock of the diagnosis to acceptance very quickly. I remember the shock vividly. It happened on April 18, when I saw the cancer on the mammogram. I knew what it was. I knew there was no chance it was benign, even if it didn't have all the telltale features. I had decided within the previous 3 yrs that my risk for breast cancer was no higher than anyone else. Suddenly, I knew I was wrong. I knew I had cancer. I was definitely shocked!
Shock moved very quickly into action. I made the calls. I set up appointments. I got my own results and made sure they got to those that needed them ASAP. I started to do whatever it was that had to be done so that I could get this cancer out of my body. I thought I was moving back into the concept I had grown up with. That breast cancer was certainly something that could happen to me someday and I would have to deal with it and get it taken care of. Period. I thought this was acceptance. Now, I am not so sure. I realize that the shock was part of denial. If I moved quickly and took care of what needed to be done (after all, what else is there to do??!!), I could almost pretend it wasn't happening. Little things would happen and then it would hit me that this was real, it's was happening to ME! Dropping Rachel off at Patria's. Sitting in the private holding room at CARES. Having to actually climb on the OR table. (Hate that part. I love surgery and love walking into an OR, just don't like being the patient!!!) Having my port accessed. Planning my surgery date so I can be there for the first day of school. Those are the moments when I cannot pretend this is not happening. I've been cycling through denial. The funny part is that I have been denying that I've been in denial at all!!! I think it also comes when I am surprised by my reflection or when I see my shadow and don't realize at first that it's MINE. For all the acceptance I thought I had, I've been living in denial.
I've also spent the last few days, maybe the last 2 weeks, cycling between anger and depression. I've been on edge and irritated. I'm sick of being sick. I'm tired of being tired. I'm so irritated, annoyed and ANGRY that this has happened to ME! I hate feeling like this. I like to blame being off birth control pills for some of it (the return of PMS! LOL! what happened to the chemopause? I'm STILL fertile!!). I know it's not the whole picture. I'm overwhelmed at what comes next. While it's not as frightening on some levels as the unknown that chemotherapy once was, I'm still scared. I just never considered chemotherapy having a place in my own life. Surgery, yes. Chemo, no. As a surgeon, maybe surgery is easier to accept. Or, is it that I had considered these surgeries as prophylaxis in the past? Probably both. It doesn't change anything though. There's an undercurrent of anger over the idea that there is still more big stuff left.
Another piece from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross that I remember is that we all travel through at least 2 of the stages as we move towards acceptance. And, we don't necessarily hit the stages in order. I'd love to stop cycling and simply live in acceptance, but I don't know that it is ever possible. There are things in my life that are permanently changed. Breast cancer is never truly considered cured. Formally, it's just "no evidence of disease." It's not like some cancers where if you make it 5 yrs without a recurence, you are cured. I did chemotherapy not because I am at any significant risk for the next 5 yrs. My cancer staging carries with it a 96% survival rate. We forget and many don't know that survival rates are quoted for FIVE YEARS. That's it. Sometimes, it's 10 yrs, but most published rates are for 5 yrs. I did chemo bc of the risk of this particular cancer raising it's head again within the next TWENTY YEARS. Yup. That's not reflected in my beloved 96% at all. I'm having the bilateral mastectomy and the oophorectomies bc of my future risks of cancer. I'll be bringing all these risks down to a nice low level once I am done. Will that bring me acceptance? A permanent, comfortable acceptance?
I don't know. Maybe I really don't know what acceptance is after all.
This morning, I was thinking about Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's "On Death and Dying."
No, I am not dying except in that metaphorical sense in which we are all dying once we are born.
In her landmark book, she talks about the stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I realized this morning that I am cycling through these stages. Almost like a merry-go round, I am hitting them over and over again.
I thought I had jumped from the shock of the diagnosis to acceptance very quickly. I remember the shock vividly. It happened on April 18, when I saw the cancer on the mammogram. I knew what it was. I knew there was no chance it was benign, even if it didn't have all the telltale features. I had decided within the previous 3 yrs that my risk for breast cancer was no higher than anyone else. Suddenly, I knew I was wrong. I knew I had cancer. I was definitely shocked!
Shock moved very quickly into action. I made the calls. I set up appointments. I got my own results and made sure they got to those that needed them ASAP. I started to do whatever it was that had to be done so that I could get this cancer out of my body. I thought I was moving back into the concept I had grown up with. That breast cancer was certainly something that could happen to me someday and I would have to deal with it and get it taken care of. Period. I thought this was acceptance. Now, I am not so sure. I realize that the shock was part of denial. If I moved quickly and took care of what needed to be done (after all, what else is there to do??!!), I could almost pretend it wasn't happening. Little things would happen and then it would hit me that this was real, it's was happening to ME! Dropping Rachel off at Patria's. Sitting in the private holding room at CARES. Having to actually climb on the OR table. (Hate that part. I love surgery and love walking into an OR, just don't like being the patient!!!) Having my port accessed. Planning my surgery date so I can be there for the first day of school. Those are the moments when I cannot pretend this is not happening. I've been cycling through denial. The funny part is that I have been denying that I've been in denial at all!!! I think it also comes when I am surprised by my reflection or when I see my shadow and don't realize at first that it's MINE. For all the acceptance I thought I had, I've been living in denial.
I've also spent the last few days, maybe the last 2 weeks, cycling between anger and depression. I've been on edge and irritated. I'm sick of being sick. I'm tired of being tired. I'm so irritated, annoyed and ANGRY that this has happened to ME! I hate feeling like this. I like to blame being off birth control pills for some of it (the return of PMS! LOL! what happened to the chemopause? I'm STILL fertile!!). I know it's not the whole picture. I'm overwhelmed at what comes next. While it's not as frightening on some levels as the unknown that chemotherapy once was, I'm still scared. I just never considered chemotherapy having a place in my own life. Surgery, yes. Chemo, no. As a surgeon, maybe surgery is easier to accept. Or, is it that I had considered these surgeries as prophylaxis in the past? Probably both. It doesn't change anything though. There's an undercurrent of anger over the idea that there is still more big stuff left.
Another piece from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross that I remember is that we all travel through at least 2 of the stages as we move towards acceptance. And, we don't necessarily hit the stages in order. I'd love to stop cycling and simply live in acceptance, but I don't know that it is ever possible. There are things in my life that are permanently changed. Breast cancer is never truly considered cured. Formally, it's just "no evidence of disease." It's not like some cancers where if you make it 5 yrs without a recurence, you are cured. I did chemotherapy not because I am at any significant risk for the next 5 yrs. My cancer staging carries with it a 96% survival rate. We forget and many don't know that survival rates are quoted for FIVE YEARS. That's it. Sometimes, it's 10 yrs, but most published rates are for 5 yrs. I did chemo bc of the risk of this particular cancer raising it's head again within the next TWENTY YEARS. Yup. That's not reflected in my beloved 96% at all. I'm having the bilateral mastectomy and the oophorectomies bc of my future risks of cancer. I'll be bringing all these risks down to a nice low level once I am done. Will that bring me acceptance? A permanent, comfortable acceptance?
I don't know. Maybe I really don't know what acceptance is after all.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
A week later, the rollercoaster continues
It's been a week and a day from my last chemotherapy session. :D
When I think of that, I feel almost giddy. It's such an incredible feeling to know that I am done with that portion of my treatment. It's like being on the fun part of the rollercoaster. Is there a fun part? I really do not like rollercoasters in real life. Still, it's coming off a big hill, without seeing the huge rise to the next one around the corner.
Yet, here I am now. I'm wishing the ride was over bc I sincerely want to get off this thing.
I took Rachel out yesterday. We visited another dance studio. I do like this one, but she'll have to cut back on the number of classes. There are no back to back classes available for her and she'd end up going more days for fewer classes. But, it's owned by one of the most well known ballerinas of our generation and all the teachers appear to be top notch on paper. She'd get a strong ballet experience here, but not nearly as much in jazz. Decisions, decisions... Anyway, after that, we went to the mall for a movie and lunch. I was completely exhausted when we got home at 2pm. As if we had been out all day and all night. It's a very small mall and we didn't even walk 1/3 of it. We only went to Pottery Barn Kids and Williams Sonoma (I have a weird kid.. she spent a good 5 minutes looking at the knife display in Williams Sonoma and then mooned over the new Thanksgiving dishes). I want my energy back. I wanted to keep going. This was all I could handle. I thoroughly missed my normal daytime nap and was exceedingly crabby by 6 or 7pm. I am so tired of doing nothing all day but doing much of anything is exhausting.
Another hard part of the ride is recovering my immunity. My counts have all been pretty good but it is still slow going. I'm relatively anemic, but nothing outrageous and not enough to require additional meds to boost my RBCs. My WBCs have stayed in fighting range and I did mount a response to this initial upper respiratory tract infection. I STILL have that cough and a little bit of a sore throat. The thrush is now starting to disappear. So, yes, things are getting better, but they are still ongoing. I have 5 and 1/2 weeks for it all to go away. Sounds like a long time but not when it's been going on for a good 3 weeks already. I'm becoming religious about carrying and using Purell, the hand sanitizer. I used it before, but now I use it constantly when I'm out of the house. I cannot afford to catch another thing. In reality, I need to have this cleared by the 14th when I go for pre-admission testing. That testing includes a chest x-ray! Yikes. A little too soon.
I'm letting Miss Rachel sleep in this morning. She's had a tiring week at dance for 8 hrs a day. She's loving it, but it is hard work. It's amazing how much she's learned in just the first 4 days. She has to demonstrate everything she's learned at night when she gets home. I can see the difference in her ballet technique already. And the hiphop and break dancing- it's amazing! She can pop and is already spinning on her HEAD! If I could just harness a fraction of her energy, I'd be in great shape! Today, we are going to take it easy (at least I am). I want to spend a little time working on getting the worst of the house picked up. Howie is running a 20 miler this morning as part of his NYC marathon training, so it'll be just as girls most of the day. Then tomorrow, Rachel and I are going to see "Grease." I did say I was taking things easy, right? I really am. I'm going to take things in little bites (umm... that's literal and figurative in the post-chemo world) and I'm going to get that nap in if I need it. :D
Almost 8 am.. time to start the morning meds. If you're keeping track, I think I'm down to 9 (Pepcid, aspirin, Flonase, Advair, Singulair, Mucinex, Colace, fluconazole, and Avelox). :D
When I think of that, I feel almost giddy. It's such an incredible feeling to know that I am done with that portion of my treatment. It's like being on the fun part of the rollercoaster. Is there a fun part? I really do not like rollercoasters in real life. Still, it's coming off a big hill, without seeing the huge rise to the next one around the corner.
Yet, here I am now. I'm wishing the ride was over bc I sincerely want to get off this thing.
I took Rachel out yesterday. We visited another dance studio. I do like this one, but she'll have to cut back on the number of classes. There are no back to back classes available for her and she'd end up going more days for fewer classes. But, it's owned by one of the most well known ballerinas of our generation and all the teachers appear to be top notch on paper. She'd get a strong ballet experience here, but not nearly as much in jazz. Decisions, decisions... Anyway, after that, we went to the mall for a movie and lunch. I was completely exhausted when we got home at 2pm. As if we had been out all day and all night. It's a very small mall and we didn't even walk 1/3 of it. We only went to Pottery Barn Kids and Williams Sonoma (I have a weird kid.. she spent a good 5 minutes looking at the knife display in Williams Sonoma and then mooned over the new Thanksgiving dishes). I want my energy back. I wanted to keep going. This was all I could handle. I thoroughly missed my normal daytime nap and was exceedingly crabby by 6 or 7pm. I am so tired of doing nothing all day but doing much of anything is exhausting.
Another hard part of the ride is recovering my immunity. My counts have all been pretty good but it is still slow going. I'm relatively anemic, but nothing outrageous and not enough to require additional meds to boost my RBCs. My WBCs have stayed in fighting range and I did mount a response to this initial upper respiratory tract infection. I STILL have that cough and a little bit of a sore throat. The thrush is now starting to disappear. So, yes, things are getting better, but they are still ongoing. I have 5 and 1/2 weeks for it all to go away. Sounds like a long time but not when it's been going on for a good 3 weeks already. I'm becoming religious about carrying and using Purell, the hand sanitizer. I used it before, but now I use it constantly when I'm out of the house. I cannot afford to catch another thing. In reality, I need to have this cleared by the 14th when I go for pre-admission testing. That testing includes a chest x-ray! Yikes. A little too soon.
I'm letting Miss Rachel sleep in this morning. She's had a tiring week at dance for 8 hrs a day. She's loving it, but it is hard work. It's amazing how much she's learned in just the first 4 days. She has to demonstrate everything she's learned at night when she gets home. I can see the difference in her ballet technique already. And the hiphop and break dancing- it's amazing! She can pop and is already spinning on her HEAD! If I could just harness a fraction of her energy, I'd be in great shape! Today, we are going to take it easy (at least I am). I want to spend a little time working on getting the worst of the house picked up. Howie is running a 20 miler this morning as part of his NYC marathon training, so it'll be just as girls most of the day. Then tomorrow, Rachel and I are going to see "Grease." I did say I was taking things easy, right? I really am. I'm going to take things in little bites (umm... that's literal and figurative in the post-chemo world) and I'm going to get that nap in if I need it. :D
Almost 8 am.. time to start the morning meds. If you're keeping track, I think I'm down to 9 (Pepcid, aspirin, Flonase, Advair, Singulair, Mucinex, Colace, fluconazole, and Avelox). :D
Friday, August 04, 2006
BREAKING NEWS!
I HAD TO SHAVE MY LEGS!
Could this mean my hair is growing back?
OK. It's not like you could see major hair. I did feel the start of stubble though.
Hmm.. it seems to me this should be on the "no fair" list. I think I shouldn't have to shave my legs until after I'm recovered from the bilateral mastectomies and other surgeries.
Could this mean my hair is growing back?
OK. It's not like you could see major hair. I did feel the start of stubble though.
Hmm.. it seems to me this should be on the "no fair" list. I think I shouldn't have to shave my legs until after I'm recovered from the bilateral mastectomies and other surgeries.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Tons of News
So much going on right now. I'm going to stick mainly to the facts. The rest is a little more than I can handle at the moment.
I am almost over this "cold." The antibiotic I started last week has made a great difference. Unfortunately, it's not without a price. I woke up with an incredible sore throat on Tuesday morning around 1:30am, despite having taken a sleeping pill. Another case of "NO FAIR!" Stopped by the oncology office to confirm what I had thought. Another case of thrush. This time it's not just my mouth but it goes right down my throat too. Soup was the only thing that appealed last night. Yes, in the 100+ degree weather.
I slept til after 5 am this morning!!! This is the first "full" night of sleep I've had in days, even with taking the sleeping pill at night. Halleluyah!
I'm avoiding all the serious stuff. I'm avoiding that my house is a mess. The clutter is beyond my normal messy standards. My floors need to be swept and washed and I cannot remember the last time that happened. There's not a presentable room in the entire house. I am keeping up the basics- eating, sleeping, getting Rachel were she needs to be. That's it for now. I hope it will be better in another week. Not expecting miracles. Just baby steps.
The most serious stuff yet.
My surgeries will most likely be on September 12. All of them. Ovaries, tubes, both mastectomies and at least the initial reconstruction. Probably a good 6 hours of OR time. 2 days in the hospital. I've decided on silicone implants. Probably won't end up quite as small as I had hoped, but I've been told I'll probably end up about 1/3 the size I am now... so that can't be too bad. The plastic surgeon promised I'll be able to buy bras in every color of the rainbow in a regular everday store like VS. And, even better, once it's all done, I won't have to wear a bra unless I want to. I'm keeping my eye on that prize bc it's easier than thinking about the rest of it!
I am almost over this "cold." The antibiotic I started last week has made a great difference. Unfortunately, it's not without a price. I woke up with an incredible sore throat on Tuesday morning around 1:30am, despite having taken a sleeping pill. Another case of "NO FAIR!" Stopped by the oncology office to confirm what I had thought. Another case of thrush. This time it's not just my mouth but it goes right down my throat too. Soup was the only thing that appealed last night. Yes, in the 100+ degree weather.
I slept til after 5 am this morning!!! This is the first "full" night of sleep I've had in days, even with taking the sleeping pill at night. Halleluyah!
I'm avoiding all the serious stuff. I'm avoiding that my house is a mess. The clutter is beyond my normal messy standards. My floors need to be swept and washed and I cannot remember the last time that happened. There's not a presentable room in the entire house. I am keeping up the basics- eating, sleeping, getting Rachel were she needs to be. That's it for now. I hope it will be better in another week. Not expecting miracles. Just baby steps.
The most serious stuff yet.
My surgeries will most likely be on September 12. All of them. Ovaries, tubes, both mastectomies and at least the initial reconstruction. Probably a good 6 hours of OR time. 2 days in the hospital. I've decided on silicone implants. Probably won't end up quite as small as I had hoped, but I've been told I'll probably end up about 1/3 the size I am now... so that can't be too bad. The plastic surgeon promised I'll be able to buy bras in every color of the rainbow in a regular everday store like VS. And, even better, once it's all done, I won't have to wear a bra unless I want to. I'm keeping my eye on that prize bc it's easier than thinking about the rest of it!
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