CHEMO BRAIN!

OH MY GOODNESS!

Chemo brain strikes again.

I went out today in search of borscht and cheapo chafing dishes for Rachel's contribution to the Ethnic Pride luncheon tomorrow. She's doing Russia. She made a 20 page scrapbook about Russia including letters from relatives about life when they were 9 yrs old. Not Russian relatives, but relatives that may or may nor be descended from Russian immigrants. She'll be sort of dressed like a peasant. We used Fiddler on the Roof as our basis for her costume.

But I digress.

I went to a town I rarely visit anymore bc the party store there opened nice and early. Saw what looked like a brand new Target and could not resist visiting. I am normally done with most of my holiday shopping by now but I've barely started, so I went in with thoughts of finding some small items for Rachel and others we normally buy for. I have been feeling bad about not having any ideas for Rachel. She already recieved 2 American Girl dolls and dh gave her this Disney Mix something or other that plays music, movies and MPs and all sorts of things. It kept her occupied on the plane rides earlier this month. She also has very few items on her mental wish list.

Anyway, I come home and after the usual hunt for tape, I start wrapping everything. I realize that I actually have 4 gifts for Rachel. Not too bad. I go to put away some little things I picked up in the Dollar Spot at Target and lo and behold.. literally falling on my head.. It's a bag filled with little things I bought at Target during the summer. Who knew? Not me! LOL! Once I saw the bag, I remembered. I can't say the same for the two books that fell as well. I vaguely remember that I bought them. I do remember Rachel asking for them. She still asks for them and I nearly bought them again recently.

The moral of the story is that I just cannot be held responsible for anything I did, said or bought during chemo this summer. That includes the three items I bought on EBAY. Yes, the exact same item, three times from three different sellers. {Note to self: Get those up on EBAY before the holiday season is OVER!}

Show and Tell

That's my project this week.

DD's school is having a cancer awareness week. There are several fundraising activities going on, including a "hair raising" activity. Several teachers and students have signed up to donate their hair to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program. The children that donate/raise the most money will get to have the honors for the initial haircutting. The Pantene program is similar to more widely known Locks fof Love program, except Locks is just for kids wigs and has more stringent requirements for the hair. You can donate your hair to the Pantene program with a minimum of just 8 inches.

Part of the events for the week are assemblies for the lower and middle school students. I am putting on my big girl panties and will actually get up and not only speak to the kids at assemblies on Wed and Thurs, but I will , once again, TAKE OFF MY WIG IN PUBLIC! I cannot believe I just volunteered to do so. LOL! I was called about speaking at the assemblies but it was my idea to take off the wig to give a strong visual and now I'm a little nervous about it. It's a good thing though. I'm sure it will be just fine. I'm at an awkward hair stage... not bald anymore and not enough hair to look remotely feminine. My wig is a security blanket. I can hide behind it. I envy my sisters in this journey who are comfortable enough to go without covering their heads at any stage. I like my wig and it's always-perfect-but-not-too-perfect style (which is what makes it look real). I like the color better than my own. I like that I don't need to wash it everyday. I love that I don't need to style it. Not ever. It just bounces back into shape. I'm going to miss it in some ways. Never going to miss what it represents though! And, more important, I can't pass up the opportunity to increase the awareness of what it does represent. So, for the second time, I will take it off in public. The only difference is this time it's planned. :)

A Belated Happy Thanksgiving!

We are back from our second home at the House of Mouse. ;)

It was a little chillier than we prefer, but not compared to normal November weather at home. It could not have been too bad because Rachel managed to get some swimming in on Sunday and again on Friday. The days in between really were not warm enough for the pools though. We spent Monday in the theme parks, Tuesday at Cape Canaveral, and Wednesday at the Orlando Science Center (a nice day trip for families with kids BTW.. we also saw the Our Body exhibit http://www.osc.org/specialevent/ourbody.htm while we were there which was amazing even for someone who has disseted a cadaver). On Thursday, we hit Downtown Disney and some outlets before meeting up with my sister, BIL, niece, nephew, Goofy and Pluto for Thanksgiving dinner at one of the resorts. On Friday, we resort hopped, visiting most of the huge gingerbread installations created by the WDW chefs. I think our favorite was the actual working gingerbread and chocolate carousel at the Beach Club. Each creation had hidden Mickeys to find, a new passion for Rachel. After that, we hit the pool and then headed for the airport in the Black Friday traffic.

Hmmm... and I've been wondering my legs are so sore! LOL

I know... it's not fair to talk about it all without pictures, but they will have to wait. Still too much going on here. We're going to meet our new family member this afternoon (baby Marco was born a week ago today to SIL and BIL) and Sunday is, of course, Nutcracker rehearsal day. Rachel's huge Ethnic Pride project is due this week, including her costume that we *just* designed this morning. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am that I don't actually have to run out and buy fabric to finish it! We were able to pull it together from clothing I already own. One good thing about being a packrat I guess. Ethnic Pride Day itself is Friday (full day of displays, presentations, a luncheon and a play by the kids). Then we are heavily into the last week of Nutcracker preparations. Of course, Rachel's "Star of the Week" poster and paper is due the next day after the last Nut performance. Sometime in there, I hsve to squeeze in some gift shopping because we have both dh's bday and Hanukkah. It really never ends!

Patience

This is the theme of my life recently.

Patience.

I've needed and still need a great deal more patience. This is especially true when it comes to myself. I am sure that everyone else around me is aware of this. :) It's just me that needs to stay aware of this virtue. :o

I've been so impatient about all of my recovery, everything from hair growth to regaining my range of motion. The truth is that it really is all happening, it's just taken me time to see it.

My hair really is making progress. Here are my latest hair photos. The first is from a month ago. I was about 10 weeks after my last chemo. Now, it's a month later and my hair not only covers my entire head, but I can now see the very beginnings of my natural wave coming back. I can also see a great deal more gray than I thought I had, but I'll ignore it for now! LOL! What a difference, though. I'm relieved to be making progress. I'm still not comfortable enough with it to go without a wig or a hat in public. I was actually more comfortable bald. It's funny that I can actually say that now bc the reality is that I didn't become comfortable with my baldness until it was almost over.

I've been going to physical therapy for about 3 weeks now. In that time, I've gone from having a greatly reduced range of motion to almost normal. There are a few measurements that the physical therapist took that are actually normal, most are rapidly approaching it. Now I'm waiting to see if I will get approval for a few more sessions. I've also moved up the weight on the various machines I can use for strength training my legs. Same for increasing difficulty on the bike. I even tried the elliptical for the first time. Can't do the arms bc I still have my expanders in place, but it's a start.

The biggest thing that made me aware of how much progress I've made was returning to my local scrapbook store this week. I went for the monthly Sweetwater Express kit club. When I went last month, I couldn't open a water bottle by myself, couldn't use a Hermafix dot dispenser by myself (a rolling adhesive thingie for the non-scrappers) and using a paper trimmer was a major accomplishment. I was excited to finish a single 2 page layout even if it did take me more than 2 hrs. I had forgotten how pitiful I was back then! This week, I cranked out 3 layouts in less time (no journaling on two of them bc I need to print it out and the store computer was having issues). I opened my own water bottle with ease and had no trouble with any of the physical tasks.. not that they are that physical in the first place! LOL. It was a huge difference and one I didn't even think about until Carolyn asked me if I needed help cutting chipboard. I didn't need any help to do it and then she reminded me about last month.

Now when I look back, I can see that my expectations perhaps were a bit high. :P

If it's not one thing....

then it really is another.

Just when I thought my schedule of doctors visits was dying down, it picked up steam all over again. This week, I added an allergist and an orthopedist to my collection.

The good news is that it is slowing down again. The good news is also that I am NOT allergic to the flu shot, at least not the one I got today as opposed to the one I reacted to 15 yrs ago. The good news is also that there are no tumors or anything horrible in my arm/hand. I also learned that sometime in the past, probably the distant past, I broke my right arm. Who knew? Not me!

The bad news is that I have carpal tunnel syndrome and will be cutting wayyy back on computer time. That is a good thing too. I've spend far too much time on this chair staring at this screen in recent months. I spent more time than I should have before that as well. I'll still be around to answer personal emails, etc, but won't spend as much time checking and re-checking my favorite sites. That's a good thing too because some of them are cancer sites which can install a sense of fear that's not healthy to live with on a regular basis.

Another tale from the "CANCER CHRONICLES"

In the back of my journal, I have this little list of strange and sometimes very humorous things that have happened along the way. It includes events such as "The Tale of the Deep Blue Pee," "The Episode where Melissa shakes OFF her hair on the beach" and "Rachel performs 'Life as a Cancer Cell in Mommy's Body when Chemo Comes'." All true events.

Today, I added another to the list.

I was up late last night because dh came home late. I often have trouble asleeping until I know he is home. Probably a 9/11 hold over. He gets up very early and wakes me before he leaves, so I didn't get my share of sleep last night. As he wakes me, in the early morning fog, I reach down to remove whatever it was that sitting on my chest. OOPS! That doesn't come OFF! It was my expander/pseudo-breast. It's attached to me. I cannot explain how bizarre that was. Just trust me on this one. Don't try it at home.

I suppose this one will become known as "The Morning Melissa Attempted to Remove her own Breast." I have to think about this one some more...

Trying again..

More pics.. maybe...

Above should be my neice, Hannah as Minnie Mouse, Rachel as Felicity, Bethany as a good witch, and my nephew, Lucas, the cowboy on his horse. They are standing behind my car which is covered with a big flag type wall covering of a haunted house (lucked out and found it at Target). The strange broom in the middle of them is remote controlled. It cackles as it moves. We had fun moving it away from some kids and moving it towards the little ones that were not afraid. We usually do our own trunk decorations, but this worked great for us this year! If we go again next year, I think we'll do the same thing.

Trick or Treat! (For real this time)

Here's Rachel in her gorgeous Halloween costume.

We did what we did last Halloween and went out along the tow path on the canal and took some quick photos.

She had decided last year that she wanted to dress like Felicity of the American Girl doll/books. Originally, we had planned that we'd shop for fabric and patterns and make the outfit over the summer. Chemotherapy kind of got in the way...and once that was over and surgery happened, there was no way it was going to happen this year. Then, I found an Ebay seller (min1900) who worked her magic in record time and created this dress, custom made for Rachel. The costume was a huge hit.

Poor Rachel. Halloween did not last long enough for her this year. She's a 4th grader and feels this is it for Halloween. Her school does not have Halloween parties or events during the school day for grades 5 and up. Even the 4th grade Halloween party was a pretty low key event this year. They still had the parade and then the magic show, all followed by the party. They changed out of their costumes for the very mellow party. They had some snacks and played a few games of Hangman and that was that. After school, we had our quickie photo shoot and then got ready for Trunk or Treat. Trunk or Treat is primarily for the Lower School (grade 4 and down), so she's feeling like she can't go to that next year (she can). Poor kid. I've promised her that it is not all over yet. She can still come up with a sensational costume idea for next year. She's worried she cannot top this one! LOL. Maybe she can even go trick or treating to actual houses with friends.. something she's only done once.

We were met at Trunk or Treat this year by my sister's family and my dad. We also took along one of Rachel's classmates, Bethany. Together, we said Bethany and Rachel were The Salem Witch Trial. Had to tell them the story, though, so they'd understand. :)

ETA:I *was* going to post more photos of the whole gang, but blogger does not seem to be cooperating. Maybe another day.

6 months

Today is November 1.

It is my 6 month anniversary. Exactly 6 months ago today, I became a breast cancer patient. Because I know someone else who's future anniversary will be today, I pulled out my journal and realized that today marked the day my life changed forever. However, it is also the day that my tumor and some lymph nodes were removed. So, that makes today an even more important milestone because I have now been cancer free for 6 whole months.

Amazing how much can happen in such a short time. I've learned I had cancer. I thought, for a moment, that my life was going to be cut far too short. Then just when I thought it was only going to be a bump in the road, it turned into an SUV-swallowing pothole! I cut my hair so it could fall out from chemo. Then, I finished chemo only to see the rest of my hair fall out later! Followed that with what was actually 7 surgeries on one day (if you've been keeping track, I had forgotten one when I wrote the entry about that day). Now I'm in a sort of rehab phase. Taking drugs to make sure I don't make any rogue estrogen. Doing plenty of physical therapy so I can return to normal-ish function and get back to work and bring home some $$ again!

Feels much more like 6 years.