Another Installment of Tales from the Cancer Chronicles

Don't know if anyone else will find this humorous.
Feel free to tell me that I'm the only one. Though Rachel thought it was pretty funny too, but I'm her mom and she's not a teenager yet, so it is her job to find things I might say or do funny if I think they are funny. In another year or two, she'll raise her eyebrows and turn away embarrassed.

Some of my fellow breast cancer gals will probably just nod their heads and not laugh at all because parts of this tale might be familiar.

After ballet tonight, I took Rachel to movies. We saw "The Last Mimzy." Really enjoyed it, although Rachel got a little scared in parts because her imagination works at full speed ahead and she starting jumping to conclusions that were much scarier than anything in the movie! LOL.

But, that's not the story.

Movies=popcorn. At least in my book. It's something Rachel and I do when we go to the movies together. We get popcorn. Bad for you, greasy, far too salty popcorn that you mindlessly plow through. The popcorn that destroyed my diet and calorie counting for the day. The same popcorn that occasionally goes astray and lands in places other than your mouth.

Now, that's the actual story in today's edition of the Cancer Chronicles.

Popcorn that goes astray.

In my former life, popcorn that went astray would land on my shelf. "What?" you say. "Where is a shelf?" "Just what is she talking about?" If you are asking those questions, you obviously don't have one. Don't forget that I was quite..... well..... well endowed before about 8:00 am on Sept 12, 2006. If a piece of popcorn missed my mouth, it would have landed on my natural built in shelf and I would have been able to just scoop it back up. In the wrong shirt, it could have landed inside, but it wouldn't have gone too far, thanks to the built in shelf. TMI? LOL. If it is TMI, then, once again, you must be one of those people without a shelf of your own. :P

As my faithful readers are aware, I have had major changes to my body and my shelf is gone. So, tonight, as popcorn went astray, I had issues. All sorts of issues. First, I reached down to find the popcorn on my chest aka former shelf aka silicone that has no neural tissue. Nope. No popcorn there. I felt it land on my neck/upper chest (the area exposed by my v-neck shirt.. same shirt you see in the photos but in red and a smaller, better fitting size), but didn't feel it after that. Uh oh. Must have gone INTO my shirt. It's a dark movie theatre, so I feel around and take a peek. No sign of the popcorn. Uh oh. I suddenly remember I had no feeling in the... um... boobage area. It could be in my bra!!! I would never know!!! The theatre is dark. I quickly try to take a peek and then .. yes.. I did it. I felt around. Kind of funny that if someone else were feeling around that same "neighborhood" and my eyes were closed, I wouldn't know. Despite copping a feel of my own silicone, there's STILL no sign of the missing popcorn. WTH? I don't get this at all. We were watching "The Last Mimzy," maybe it went into the future?

Where, oh, where is the missing popcorn?

Hmmm.. I am now realizing that perhaps this is perfectly obvious to those that don't have a shelf.

The missing piece of popcorn had landed in what should have been the obvious place, but not to me in this new body.

Are you still wondering?

I'm warning you. This is probably anti-climatic and the non-shelfers have already stopped reading because they know.

It was in my lap the whole time.

Apparently, if you only have a tiny shelf (more of a ledge than a shelf), things actually land in your lap.

Who knew? This wasn't in the owners manual that came with my breasts. And I do have an owners manual for them. Serial numbers too. OK. So, it's really a lengthy booklet with a consent form in it, but I like to think of it as my owner's manual.

You learn something new everyday. Or, is it that you can actually teach an old dog a new trick. :P

:)

This is how we spent Sunday afternoon.

This is everyone- my husband, daughter, my sister-in-law (dh's sister), my brother-in-law and their 4 month old baby. Shhh! It's a birthday surprise for my mother-in-law. I know she's going to shed buckets when she sees this. We are sending her a framed 11x14 of the whole gang and a framed 8x10 of each individual family.

I couldn't decide which version to use for our individual family shot. I ended up framing the vertical one for both my mom-in-law and our house, but the more I look at this one (the horizontal), the more I like it. I have to admit I shyed away from it at first because all I see is my belly. Now that I've said, maybe it's all you see too. LOL. I am very self counsious about it. Yes, the shirt is big too and that probably makes it worse. And, this will have to serve as the hair update for now too. Go back and look into the archives from when I went to the Martha Stewart show at the end of September. Or, look at December's hair pic. Amazing, huh? And so many curls! Won't talk about the gray. That's another post... need to figure out how to take care of that with out too much fuss.

I'm so glad Joi suggested we do these pics. I know my mother-in-law will be totally overjoyed (so don't tell!), but I am also so happy to have them! We've never done a casual family portrait... just formal ones at my sister's wedding when Rachel was 2 and on some cruises. This is such a treasure!

photo update

My beloved 4 gig card is enroute across the continent to my friend, Sue, in Canada. She's been able to retrieve images from cards that have been reformatted before, so maybe there's a chance she can find something on mine. {fingers crossed} Not holding out too much hope because I already started taking pictures on it, but if I could get back anything... like a single Disney pic of dd and I together on our "4 parks, 1 day" adventure or a decent picture from her birthday party, I would be exceedingly happy!

In the meantime, I ordered 3 pictures from Disney's Photopass program. It hurt a little to do so because I know some of mine were better (the backdrop look real with the right manual settings) but I'm so happy to have pictures of what Rachel looked like the night of the Princess and Pirate party! We're going back to the roller rink for someone else's party in 2 weeks, so maybe we'll take a picture or two there and just journal about her 10th party. Rachel was crushed too. Turning 10 was HUGE deal for her... double digits and all. We celebrated, as you can tell, for over a week. (It helps that her birthday fell during spring break and we were actually at Disney where she wore a birthday button all week. :))

I've asked my dad and his wife for copies of any pictures they took at dinner on Rachel's actual birthday. We had dinner with Cinderella and friends that night at the Grand Floridian. No one else actually had a camera at the roller rink, but we'll be back there for another party in April, so I will probably take a picture or two to use with journalling about Rachel's party for our scrapbook.

We're going for portraits tomorrow with my sister-in-law. We're doing the grandkids together (baby is 4 months old now), all of us together, and then the individual families. It will be nice to have those. It's a surprise for my mother-in-law's birthday, but I'm happy to have something like this too. We've never been ones to do regular family portraits, only a family shot at a wedding here and there. Didn't even do one at the last wedding, which was my sister-in-law's 2 years ago. I'm not sure I even exist in any photos from that wedding at all, but that's another story. Dh insisted he took some when I was dancing, but I never saw them (and they were on my camera). I think my sister had one of me dancing with dh too.. so I take that back.

Really not a sigh.


There were tears today. Not a ton, but some just the same.


I get very attached to my photos. I love taking pictures. Was crazy about before I started keeping scrapbooks at age 8. I took a good number of the childhood pictures that exist of my brother and sister with whatever point and shoot my parents had around at the time. I am still craving an SLR, just like I wanted back then, only now I'd like a digi one with a fast lens or two, esp one with a huge zoom!


But this has nothing to do with that.



I found out today that every photo I've taken since my camera (Nikon Coolpix 8800D) came home from Nikon's ICU in January is GONE. Just gone.



My niece's first bday, including pics of her with my 90 yr old grandmother

Our annual trek to the RPI Big Red Freakout

Rachel's winter flute recital

My pre-op surgery pics (only shots I took of my expanders)

The chronology of my hair growth from Jan til now

Our day in NYC, including the shock on Rachel's face when she saw we were going to A Chorus Line for her birthday (front row seats too!)

Our entire Disney trip- the Princess and Pirate party pics, Rachel's birthday dinner pics with Cinderella and crew, our 4 parks in one day adventure, our pics documenting that Rachel and I actually rode the Tower of Terror for the first time. Same for the Dinosaur ride. I even got cast members to take pictures of the two of us together on my camera.

Then, there's Rachel's 10th bday party at the roller rink. I was the only one there with a camera. The pics of the cool cake (looked like a present). The group shot. The girls dancing in the center of the rink. The couples only skate with poor Joey, the only boy, the only one not coupled up (hey- they are only 9 and 10! LOL)


All gone. It breaks my heart. I know there are worse things in the world. Heck- I've had cancer and I know there are worse things than even that. Still makes me sad. Very sad.


It was out of my control. I went to burn a CD from my flash card (the day I made that last entry). Dh has the CD burner on his computer. It was going slow because it was actually stuck. When dh came home, he said he'd take care of it. He burned a CD. Sadly, I was printing pics that day for my sister in law and there was a CD from November in the drive. He copied that CD instead of my card. He said there was a thing that said "files waiting to be copied" already, so he just let those be copied. Never copied my card. Gave me the CD, which I assumed was my Jan-March pics. I went to get them printed today and was crushed.



The bad news is that after he gave me that CD, I re-formatted the card. It's my normal routine. Once I burn a CD or two off my card, I reformat the card. It's a huge 4 gig card. I can actually store over 1000 photos on it, but I don't like to have a backlog of more than 200-300. I'm always so *(&*( careful. I don't save my pics on a harddrive. I don't let them sit too long on the flash card (I have one that went bad). I'm just kicking myself for not checking that CD since it was burned by someone else. Then, we went to a christening on Sunday and I took more photos on the card. I suspect they are gone forever, but I will send it off to a friend (hi Sue) who's going to see if anything can be recovered. I suspect they are gone forever.


So, no Disney pics to share. No new hair pics. Nothing.



On the other hand, I did actually finish 6 layouts at the crop. I know that doesn't sound like a lot for 8-9 hours (it was a 10 hr crop), but it is for me. You have to include time for 3 meals, visiting, chatting, wandering, and even a little shopping in that time too. I was convinced by my tablemates to enter the page contest (I'd long given up on contests for various reasons) and I won second place! Got a very nice Making Memories album with matching papers and such.


So, no new photos, but you do get to see some layouts. :)

This first one is my grandmother on her 90th birthday. I have more photos to scrap from this and some journaling to hide somewhere. This party was the weekend after I had that fateful diagnostic mammogram. I was with my father's side of the extended family and didn't want to say a word because I didn't want to take anything away from the event. I eventually told my cousin Tracey.. hadn't seen her since I was about 8 or 9. Turns out she's a radiation tech. Asked her some questions, but never needed the answers since I had the mastectomies instead of surgery! Oh yes.. this is the award winning layout too. For my scrappy friends, it's all Basic Grey, a photo turn thingie from 7 Gypsies, and a doodling template I borrowed from Sony (Crafter's Workshop).

This second layout is from the following weekend. It's from my niece's naming ceremony. (More BG paper and rubons, the star and script are cut by hand). Now, this was actual day before my first surgery. Still didn't tell anyone. Only my sister, my brother in law, my husband and Rachel and I knew. Same reasons. I probably need to journal this day as well. We left their house and took Rachel to Patria's so she could take her to school in the morning. Boy, that was hard. We did it again the night before the big surgery in Sept too.

I think I'm just making myself sadder tonight reliving these moments. But it's all good. Except the lost photos. Not good.

Best Article

This is the best article I've read in quite some time.

Life After Breast Cancer
(link fixed.. I hope!)

This section in particular struck a familiar chord:
"The crisis of breast cancer does not abate with the final chemotherapy or radiation treatments. Indeed, in many ways, the real crisis is just beginning. How do you learn to live with the sword of Damocles ever dangling? How do you come to terms with the changes in your body as well as the changes in your perspective? How do you manage the changed relationships and the intense emotions that continue into the future? These are questions with which the patient will have to struggle, as life is slowly reclaimed. Recognizing that there are existential issues that must be examined by each of us in our own hearts, there are predictable problems in many other areas that can be addressed by caregivers.

The most important facts to be given to all women as they near the end of their active treatment are that the recovery process is slow, that many find it emotionally more challenging than the months of treatment, and that they should be prepared for some days of worry, sadness, frustration, and anger. A good rule of thumb is that recovery will take as long as the total duration of treatment, counting from the day of diagnosis until the day of the final radiation or chemotherapy treatment. The issues of life before cancer will be waiting; cancer does not make other troubles disappear. It is likely that tolerance for these issues will be more limited and that patients will experience a sense of being out of sync with many friends who imagine that the cancer experience is over. "

As much as I want to move far away and never visit Cancerville again, it's not as easy as packing up the moving truck and driving as far away as I can. It sometimes feels like everyone thinks this is over now. Out of sync? You betcha! I do, however, like reading that rule of thumb.. I have another year of recovery it seems. That is something I do like.. an approximate end point. I can deal with that.

As far as my continued treatment, I've been off Arimidex for a month now. So, for a whole month, I've been taking nothing to keep breast cancer away. Kind of frightening when I look at it that way. I'll be starting Tamoxifen in a week or two. It's the more tried and true anti-hormonal. I really wanted to be on Arimidex or one of the other AIs as they've been shown to be more effective in post-menopausal women. That was even a factor in having my ovaries removed a good decade in advance of natural menopause. Tamoxifen doesn't affect the joints like the AIs can and my joints have been affected in a huge way... so tamoxifen it is. For now.

Disney and new hair pics to come... eventually. The other computer is as slow as molasses and that's the one with Photoshop, the card reader, etc. So, we'll all have to wait.

I am off to a crop tomorrow for the first time in probably two years. For my non-scrapper readers, it's an all day event where a bunch of us get together and just scrapbook all day long. Sounds ridiculous, I suppose, if you aren't into this hobby. This is my creative outlet in a huge way, so this could be fun. That is, if I actually figure out what to pack so I can actually attend! LOL. I rarely leave the spare room when I'm scrapping and I've hardly scrapped at all in the last year. I'm very much out of practice.

Home, Sweet Home

We got back very late last night. No harm in staying in sunny Florida a few extra hours, except when the time is spent in the airport. Actually, it wasn't that bad. The flight was late getting in but JetBlue has a super fast turn around time, so once the plane actually got to the gate, we were on our way pretty quickly.





I will have to post some pics. We went to NYC for the day on Saturday. Rachel was surprised by our tickets A Chorus Line (and I was surprised by the front row seats). I saw this show at least a half a dozen times as a teen. It was interesting to compare the productions. They did stick to the script and it seemed like they stuck to the original arrangements. Some of the choreography did not seem quite up to par, but that could be my memory.





Then, we left very early Sunday morning (6 am flight) for Florida. Had gorgeous weather all week. We surprised Rachel with tickets to the Pirate and Princess Party at the Magic Kingdom on Tuesday. We've never done one of those after hours parties at WDW before. We'll definitely be doing them again in the future. The wait time for rides was just the time to get through all the theming before the rides. Dh and dd walked right onto Space Mountain. The walk through the "pre-show" was probably longer than the ride. We were the only people on Snow White's Scary Adventures. Best of all, Tinkerbell was actually IN the parade. In 10 years of going with Rachel at least once a year, and in 30 years of going off and on in my lifetime, we've never before seen Tink aside from her flight in the sky before the fireworks. Had plenty of pool time, thanks to the nice weather. Rachel also got to see both sets of grandparents, who spoiled her quite nicely. Her actual birthday dinner was spent with Cinderella and Prince Charming. It's wonderful to see the magic is still there at 10. Rachel is still excited to see and chat with the princesses and she still loves to wear her princess costumes. She was eyeing that new Bibbity Bobbety Boo Boutique in Downtown Disney and even asked if she could have an appointment for her hair and makeup on a future trip. She wore her red Belle princess dress to the party at the Magic Kingdom, (I'll post an older layout with her in it below), and I think she regretted not wearing it to her Cinderella birthday dinner at the Grand Floridian.

Tomorrow is her actual birthday party. Still need to round up the last few RSVPs. Her school is still on spring break, so the numbers are a bit smaller than she had hoped for. For whatever reason, she usually ends up with 10 children at her parties- whether she invites 10 or 20.

I feel like we've entered another era. Double digits. Officially a tween. So glad I am here to watch it all unfold.

Bras and Spring Break

An interesting image, no?

LOL!

I continued my search for a bra and eventually ended up at a lingerie store. Didn't know there were any left in my area. This one is about 2-3 miles outside my normal shopping radius, so I never knew it was there. It's only 50 yrs old. LOL. Best thing I ever did was to go there. Wish I had known about this place pre-BC (that's before breast cancer). They carry bras in every shape and size, including pretty ones that actually have support for the well-endowed, like I once was. They also had someone there who is trained in fitting not just mastectomy patients but recon patients like me!! Who knew? Not me. Just like I did not know that as a recon patient, I am entitled to 4 bras a year from my insurance company. That's EVERY year! I bought two and paid $6.05. I'll go back and get my other two in a few months after more of the swelling has gone down. :)

So, that's the bra part.

Next is the spring break part.
As of 3pm, Rachel is on Spring Break, part 1. That means the whole family is. :) We are leaving tomorrow for a day in NYC, including the evening performance of A Chorus Line (shh! Rachel still doesn't know). Then, we take an 8 am plane for Florida for our traditional celebration of Rachel's birthday in DisneyWorld.

While I will have internet access at our WDW home away from home, chances are I won't be updating next week. Don't want anyone to worry. If anyone is reading this, that is.