Let's Pretend

I mentioned to a friend today that I am back in my "let's just pretend this never happened" mode. I am trying to get back in shape, ideally better than I was before. I'm slowly tackling my house, trying to get it back in shape, ideally better than it was before too! I'll settle for some semblance of shape, on both accounts. I'm letting my hair grow and grow and grow, despite nearly everyone else telling me I should keep it like this. Bit by bit, I'm working on making it look like all this never happened. I think it just might be the next step in recovery.

I just pulled out the calendar, which was sitting on the corner of my newly organized and somewhat de-cluttered desk (yesterday's project). Oddly enough, I had pulled the 2006 calendar instead of 2007. Out of curiousity, I took a peak. A year ago today, I was less than a week away from the first surgery, lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy. I had already seen the breast surgeon and had already gone for pre-admission testing and pulmonary function testing, so the anesthesiologist wouldn't get uptight about my touch of asthma. There are all sorts of things listed on the calendar for that day and the following days- all non-cancer related. Several different dance rehearsals for Rachel, orthodontist appointment, etc. I remember running around like everything was just perfectly normal, knowing that nothing was normal at all. I didn't have time for cancer. I still don't.