That should read "hair yesterday, gone today!"
My hair is supposed to fall out around July 3 or 4. The shop where I bought my wig is closed those days, plus we are going to be away. I needed to get my wig fitted properly, so off went my hair!
Rachel and I headed out to the shop together, camera in hand. She became the official photographer for the event. I admit I was anxious and a bit sad. I didn't want it to turn into a tearful event though. There were a few tears the day before and a couple that I tried to hide on the drive there. But once we were there, I put that all away. We actually laughed and giggled through the whole cutting process. I had a moment of shock when I realized just how much I really do look like my father without my hair! I'll have to upload some pics when I have time. I am shocked to find that I am more comfortable walking around bald and I am half tempted to go out in public like this. It's really more of a super short buzz cut at this point. I haven't lost a single hair yet, but that's bound to change soon!
I had my megabucks wig fitted along with some that were gifted from a co-worker who just did this routine 6 months ago. The one I bought is long, around the length I normally wear my hair. A little lighter and a little redder, though. Might just have to match this color when I do get my own hair back this fall. The two wigs I was given are very short but might work well for work. I have a 4th choice from http://www.hatandhair.com . I have the Jennifer style with two baseball caps. I think it needs to be trimmed a bit. All this, and a few hats and I'm ready to face the world!
Howie and I are almost a match set now. He also gave himself a buzz cut today. Not quite as short as mine, but pretty close. I really do have to get some of these photos uploaded!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Cut to the chase
I'm going to summarize what came next so I can move this blog into the present day. Lots of stories to tell from May and June, including the tale of blue urine (or, as we call it, the tale of the blue pee.. sounds funnier bc it rhymes with sea) and the anesthesiologist who thought I was my sister. Those will have to wait.
Next came surgery on May 1. I had a lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy. The lump was, as we already believed, an inflitrating ductal adenocarcinoma of the breast. This is the most common form of breast cancer. Here's the good and the bad.
Bad- It's cancer
Good- It's small. 0.8x 0.8x 0.5 cm. That makes it "minimal breast cancer." LOL!
Good- It's both estrogen and progesterone positive and Her2 negative. (considered good prognostic signs)
Good- No evidence of lymphatic or vascular invasion (the little bugger didn't start attacking the vessels around it. Glad it didn't join the navy)
Good- The lymph nodes were clear. No visible cancer there.
Bad- It's a grade 3 tumor. This means it doesn't look much like a normal cell. Grade 3 tumors are the ones most likely to metastacize and show up elsewhere. (Boo! hiss!)
So, that brings me to the next part of my treatment. Chemotherapy.
I started chemotherapy on June 16. I will have 4 sessions of adriamycin and cytoxan. I will lose my hair. My first session was not as bad as I imagined. The actual day of chemo was almost fun. I went with my friend, Patria, and it was like a girls day out. Dropped the kids off at a sitter (a saint who didn't charge bc it was good karma) and off we went. Sat and chatted with each other and everyone else. My sister and her family brought Rachel home that night along with dinner. Had a nice evening hanging out with them and visiting with my niece and nephew.
The next few days were really OK. I kept up with my fluids and the myraid of medications. I felt OK, just got more and more tired. Looking back, I wonder if some of that was from the insomnia that started right away. Wednesday was the worst of it. Didn't get out of bed. Don't even want to remember the constipation issue (a side effect of EVERY chemotherapy agent and anti-emetic I take). On Thursday night, the fog lifted and I felt normal again! I went back to work on Friday night and again on Monday. And now I'm getting ready to do it all over again in 2 days.
Next came surgery on May 1. I had a lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy. The lump was, as we already believed, an inflitrating ductal adenocarcinoma of the breast. This is the most common form of breast cancer. Here's the good and the bad.
Bad- It's cancer
Good- It's small. 0.8x 0.8x 0.5 cm. That makes it "minimal breast cancer." LOL!
Good- It's both estrogen and progesterone positive and Her2 negative. (considered good prognostic signs)
Good- No evidence of lymphatic or vascular invasion (the little bugger didn't start attacking the vessels around it. Glad it didn't join the navy)
Good- The lymph nodes were clear. No visible cancer there.
Bad- It's a grade 3 tumor. This means it doesn't look much like a normal cell. Grade 3 tumors are the ones most likely to metastacize and show up elsewhere. (Boo! hiss!)
So, that brings me to the next part of my treatment. Chemotherapy.
I started chemotherapy on June 16. I will have 4 sessions of adriamycin and cytoxan. I will lose my hair. My first session was not as bad as I imagined. The actual day of chemo was almost fun. I went with my friend, Patria, and it was like a girls day out. Dropped the kids off at a sitter (a saint who didn't charge bc it was good karma) and off we went. Sat and chatted with each other and everyone else. My sister and her family brought Rachel home that night along with dinner. Had a nice evening hanging out with them and visiting with my niece and nephew.
The next few days were really OK. I kept up with my fluids and the myraid of medications. I felt OK, just got more and more tired. Looking back, I wonder if some of that was from the insomnia that started right away. Wednesday was the worst of it. Didn't get out of bed. Don't even want to remember the constipation issue (a side effect of EVERY chemotherapy agent and anti-emetic I take). On Thursday night, the fog lifted and I felt normal again! I went back to work on Friday night and again on Monday. And now I'm getting ready to do it all over again in 2 days.
Monday, June 26, 2006
The journey continues
So, next came the frustrations of actually getting a copy of the report to the surgeon's office. That took a good 2 days. I kept waiting for a call back and none came. I ended up picking up the films myself later the next afternoon. I faxed a copy of the report to the surgeon's office directly myself that afternoon. The next day, Thursday, the report was reviewed and I was given an appointment for Friday afternoon. I had spent 2 months doing a rotation in breast surgery in residency. I knew she triaged patients and I knew then that she too thought we were dealing with a cancer.
You know it's not good news when your surgeon walks in and gives you a hug, saying "I'm so sorry." She was a little distressed that I was there alone. I had already explained it to Howie and we had already discussed what I wanted. I wanted the tumor out. I did not need a biopsy beforehand to tell me it was cancer. I knew what it was. So, a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy was planned for a little over a week later. In the interim, I had to have some PATs (pre-admission testing).
The two weekends in between the mammogram and the surgery were very difficult. The first weekend was my grandmother's 90th birthday party. The next was my niece's naming. Lots of family at both but I didn't want to talk about my situation because I didn't want either event to lose its focus.
On April 30, we went to the naming and then took Rachel to a friend's house to sleepover. Yes, on a school night! A major treat for her. Scary for me because it meant this was all real. This was not happening to someone else. It was happening to me.
You know it's not good news when your surgeon walks in and gives you a hug, saying "I'm so sorry." She was a little distressed that I was there alone. I had already explained it to Howie and we had already discussed what I wanted. I wanted the tumor out. I did not need a biopsy beforehand to tell me it was cancer. I knew what it was. So, a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy was planned for a little over a week later. In the interim, I had to have some PATs (pre-admission testing).
The two weekends in between the mammogram and the surgery were very difficult. The first weekend was my grandmother's 90th birthday party. The next was my niece's naming. Lots of family at both but I didn't want to talk about my situation because I didn't want either event to lose its focus.
On April 30, we went to the naming and then took Rachel to a friend's house to sleepover. Yes, on a school night! A major treat for her. Scary for me because it meant this was all real. This was not happening to someone else. It was happening to me.
It's a whole new world
I logged into blogger and remembered that I actually had set up an account once upon a time. I suspect maybe it's time to try my hand at actually using it.
In April, I went for a routine annual mammogram. Got a letter in the mail 3 days later asking me to come back for repeat films. No big deal. EVERYONE gets called back at one time or another. It's just my turn. That weekend is Easter and radiology was closed that Friday. I call on Monday and I'm given an appointment for the next day. Hmm.. my suspicions are up a tiny bit, but still not panicking.
I walk into the mammo room and see my screening films on the light box. The tech mentions that there was something but they only saw it in the one view, so they are not sure if there is something there or not. I see the tiny little faint speck and I believe her. :) She takes tighter and tighter compression films for a total of 8 films. When she came back to take another film, she had put one of the more recent ones up. I could see immediately that it did not have the features I was looking for. It wasn't smooth. It wasn't round or oval. It was a little spiculated. It wasn't good. I knew it had to come out. The tech was more than a little surprised and asked if I worked there. LOL! I explained that I'm a physician. She said "But it's not written here. They normally write it on top if the patient is a doctor." I explained that no one had asked me. LOL! As if! :p
Next came the sonogram. First, with the tech and then with a radiologist. I outright asked if she thought it wa malignant. Her response was "Well, it is suspicious." That's all she said. I had no question in my mind at that point. I knew I had breast cancer. Plain and simple. The possibility that had haunted my childhood and many of my adult years was now a reality.
I pulled on my sunglasses as I walked out of the office. I knew the tears were coming. They held off until I walked out the door into the sunshine. I climbed into the car and called Howie. He was out. Had to leave a message in between my sobs. I decided to finish my errands. I went to get gas, never taking those sunglasses off. While at the gas station, I actually called my insurance company to see if the surgeon I wanted was in my plan. The idiot on the phone told me she wasn't. Fortunately, when I went home and called her office myself, they let me know they did indeed participate with my insurance company. Halleluyah!
In April, I went for a routine annual mammogram. Got a letter in the mail 3 days later asking me to come back for repeat films. No big deal. EVERYONE gets called back at one time or another. It's just my turn. That weekend is Easter and radiology was closed that Friday. I call on Monday and I'm given an appointment for the next day. Hmm.. my suspicions are up a tiny bit, but still not panicking.
I walk into the mammo room and see my screening films on the light box. The tech mentions that there was something but they only saw it in the one view, so they are not sure if there is something there or not. I see the tiny little faint speck and I believe her. :) She takes tighter and tighter compression films for a total of 8 films. When she came back to take another film, she had put one of the more recent ones up. I could see immediately that it did not have the features I was looking for. It wasn't smooth. It wasn't round or oval. It was a little spiculated. It wasn't good. I knew it had to come out. The tech was more than a little surprised and asked if I worked there. LOL! I explained that I'm a physician. She said "But it's not written here. They normally write it on top if the patient is a doctor." I explained that no one had asked me. LOL! As if! :p
Next came the sonogram. First, with the tech and then with a radiologist. I outright asked if she thought it wa malignant. Her response was "Well, it is suspicious." That's all she said. I had no question in my mind at that point. I knew I had breast cancer. Plain and simple. The possibility that had haunted my childhood and many of my adult years was now a reality.
I pulled on my sunglasses as I walked out of the office. I knew the tears were coming. They held off until I walked out the door into the sunshine. I climbed into the car and called Howie. He was out. Had to leave a message in between my sobs. I decided to finish my errands. I went to get gas, never taking those sunglasses off. While at the gas station, I actually called my insurance company to see if the surgeon I wanted was in my plan. The idiot on the phone told me she wasn't. Fortunately, when I went home and called her office myself, they let me know they did indeed participate with my insurance company. Halleluyah!
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