From Freedom to Crash and Burn

I spoke too soon.

The insurance company did not get a clue.
Instead, they have issued a "don't pass go, don't collect $200 card." I am so incredibly disappointed. This is part of my reconstruction. It's a multi-phase process. This is the next phase.

All hope is not lost. Just most of it. We are appealing the decision and trying to get approval through another route. However, we've already been told it's extremely unlikely they will reverse the decision.

I am just so sick of the roller coaster. You may remember from my posts last year, I don't like roller coasters. I do not ride them on purpose. I thought this one was over. And now, it may be over.

Yes. I know. I could find a plastic surgeon in network. That might just be what I'll have to do. Once again, it's starting over. More consults, more paperwork, more phone calls. And finding people who've actually been in the OR with these surgeons. I just don't have the energy. I just want it to be over.

And it could be. I can just stop here and not go further with the reconstruction. Initially, that's what I thought I was going to to do. But, then I saw what the completed product, so to speak, looks like. It's real. They look amazingly like the real thing. Dh, of course, points out that they don't actually work and I wouldn't be able to actually feel them anyway. He's right. That's part of why I wasn't sure I was going to do this initially. But, then, when I saw how normal they made artificial breasts look, I changed my mind. I want that too. I want to look normal, even if I am the only one that ever sees them. But, I am tired of fighting the bureaucracy. And honestly, it's not important enough for me to spend the 1000s of dollars it would cost out of pocket. Not that I'm really even in a position to do so considering the months I've been out of work in the last year and the cut in hours once I did go back.

Yeah. There are worse things. A year ago tonight, I was having dinner with my dd and my sister's family. It was my first dinner after my first chemo session. The fear of the unknown was resting heavily on my shoulders. I still had my original breasts then, so it might have been the weight of my bra too :) Hard for me to imagine that anymore. Anyway, I'm NED (no evidence of disease), I have my family, my friends, and that's all much more important. Might sound a bit Pollyanna, but I have to repeat these things for myself sometimes. :)