Wonder Woman!

I have to admit it. I live a good part of my life these days in denial.

I have been waiting and waiting for this next surgery. I cannot wait to have these brick hard expanders out and have the allegedly much more comfortable silicone implants placed.

Yet, for all of that, I have not done all my research. Yes, I know all about the different sizes, shapes and even textures of the implants on the market, both research products and commercially available implants. I even know how the procedure is done. No big deal. What I don't have a good handle on is recovery.

I've read the message boards. I know everyone says "it's a breeze compared to mastectomy." Well, sure it's a breeze. Probably 90%, maybe more, of surgeries are easier to recover from than what I had done. I believe myself to be Wonder Woman (remember those PJs I bought? LOL), so I always believe things are not going to affect me as much. And then, my belief system is shot to hell when I learn that I am not Wonder Woman. I am simply human and my body needs to recover just like everyone else. I end up disappointed and frustrated with the speed (lack there of) of my physical recovery.

So, this time around, I'm really trying to anticipate as much as I can. I am not going to be WonderWoman. (Yes, you can remind me of this when I whine about how long it's taking to be normal again). I am not going to assume that I will recover faster than the norm. I'm looking for the norm. Whatever that is. Trying to figure out how long until I can drive. Will I have drains? OK, he probably can't tell that until the actual surgery. Were's my crystal ball??? I want to know TODAY. How long until things settle down and I can really start buying new clothes? How long until I can go back to work? That one is such a hard question and drives me nuts! Going back to work is so important on so many levels. It's part of what defines me. Being out of work makes me feel like a patient. Maybe I became a doctor so I didn't have to be a patient. I don't know. LOL. When I went back to work, both after chemo and after the bilateral mastectomy and the rest, it felt like my recovery was over, or at least almost over. It's something I need on more than just the financial level. Trust me, with 6 months of no income and then with the cut back in hours once I did go back... there's a big financial need too! But, there's that psychological need too. It's just not a cut and dry issue. Obstetrics is not a desk job. There's a physical nature most people take for granted. Until my surgery in September, I took it for granted too. There's a degree of physical strength needed. If there are no lifting restrictions in place, then there are things I cannot do. It's hard because these are things that are not necessarily needed everyday, but you never know.

So, there you have it.

The good news is that I see my plastic surgeon today. The bad news is that he does not have all the answers. Only time will tell for some of this. I am hoping to leave the office today with a much clearer concept of a surgery date instead of this nebulous "in the future" bit!