This and that

I know. I'm neglecting my blog again.

It's not because I've been too busy. It's not because I've had nothing to say. More avoidance than anything. I don't like to post when I'm feeling negative day after day. I probably should though. It's cheap therapy.

So, the hair... Here's where I am at. I've decided it's not good straight at this length. It's also not good with wild curls. It seems best (and still not good) when I tame the curls a bit with product. It doesn't seem to matter what product, anything will do. The basic, bare bones fact is that I do not like the way I look with short hair. Period. I don't think that is going to change. I do, however, love how easy it is. It dries pretty quickly. Not as quickly as it did a few weeks ago when I could run a towel over it and it would be dry. But, it does not take nearly as long to dry as it did this time last year. Got to find that half full glass somewhere!

So, the negative stuff... I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I am. Can't change that reality. I realize that when I was diagnosed and going through the more active treatment phase, I clung very tightly to the positive. I refused to see the scary part- that I HAD cancer and cancer does kill people. I've said it many times. I thought it was going to be a little bump in the road. Then came chemo. Not a bump in the road, but a pothole. But once it was over, life was going to continue on just like it did. And it is. The only problem is that I'm not driving the same car and I think there was a detour along the way that happened while I was sleeping. This does not feel like the same body. My joints creak and ache. Sometimes, I don't even have to move to feel the pains. It can happen while I am lying in bed. Speaking of bed, I still cannot sleep in my most comfortable positions. I can lie tilted towards the left, but not fully on my side. I cannot lie on my right side at all because of the expander placement. I definitely have a preference for sleeping on my left.. and I would sleep on my belly if I could, but there's no way. Not with solid tissue expanders on my chest. Sometimes lying on my back doesn't even work well. I'm probably cranky from the lack of sleep. Last night was one of those nights when my muscles decided to stay contracted so tightly that even my back was knotted up. It feels like a too tight bra that needs to come off. Someday....

So, now I need to balance my complaining with some positive things.
I called Nikon this morning and my camera has been repaired!!! It's not on the way home yet, but it should be packed and shipped this afternoon. :D Huge grin! Keeping my fingers crossed tightly that it will be home by Friday so I can have it for the weeked. It's the BIG RED FREAKOUT! It's the one time almost every year when dh and I (and Rachel too) return to our alma mater (where we met). We went to a college with good hockey team (as in NCAA div 1 champs while we were there). This is possibly the equivalent of homecoming at your more typical colleges and universities. The next day is my neice's first birthday party. I definitely need my camera to update our photo. I have so much more hair than Hannah does now. :D

I'm also actively tracking a UPS delivery today. I have a 5 lb box of scrapbooking supplies coming my way today by overnight delivery. The website now says "out for delivery." Never a bad thing. :) It does mean that I will spend the next few days doing a little scrapping and then ship it off for CHA (the Craft and Hobby Association winter trade show which is about a week and a half away). It's also a guarantee that I will post some pages and/or cards soon.

No scrapping tonight though. Rachel and I are going the Rutgers U womens basketball game tonight. Yes, on a school night. She caught me in a weak moment. I'm forever saying no to these things. It bugs me endlessly that her teachers set these things up on a school night and then give those that attend no homework. I feel like I am paying for my dd to get out of homework for a night. Add to that, it is a school night and Rachel does not settle down to sleep easily. The game doesn't start until 7:30pm. Her bed time is 8pm because it really takes her another hour to get washed and ready to sleep. It's pretty much the same whether she goes to bed early or late. It takes her a good hour to settle down, no matter what's going on beforehand. Oh well. We'll go. We'll have fun. And we'll leave before it is over! LOL

That also means I need to get off the computer and down to the gym while I have the time!