The new girls and tales from my shopping trip

I know I've talked a very optomistic talk about how wonderful it was going to be to have cute little perky breasts. Always looking for the silver lining, what else could I do?

There are a realities about the new girls that I think perhaps those who don't live or visit Cancerville don't know. While they don't sag and don't move like the real thing, they also don't have sensation. If I close my eyes, I cannot tell whether someone is touching me or not. No sensation whatsoever. Imagine that. They also have no nipples. Huge longitudinal scars. They look like the real thing under clothing but only somewhat resemble breasts when I take my shirt off. They are not permanent. The manufacturer says to expect to need to replace them someday. Ideally not for many, many years but no one really knows because these are the new improved implants and just haven't been around long enough to know. Yes, that means there will be another surgery just like this one someday. And, even without clothing, it does feel like I am wearing a bra. I am told that sensation will decrease with time. It has definitely improved since the expanders were removed.

I know I've mentioned before the amazing luxury of not needing to wear a bra. Almost a miracle to someone that was at least a DD beforehand. That happens to be a luxury that has to wait. I need to spend the next 6 months wearing a bra. The first 6 weeks of which I need to wear one as much as possible, even sleeping in one. And not just any bra, but one that has very high sides and compresses my sides too. Still sound exciting? Not to me.

That brings me to my shopping trip. The bra I wore when I had my post-op check this week was deemed useless. So, I needed to go out and buy a new bra. Did I tell you how much I hate bra shopping? Always hated it. Walking into the lingerie section with all the cute colorful pretty bras and having to find the rack with the huge industrial bras and pray that they had one in my size. Thank heaven for Wacoal. They made the only two styles that worked for me in recent years. But I digress.

I headed out to Nordstroms. I wanted to go to Edith's. It was one of those lingerie shops filled with smart little old ladies who could tell what bra would work for you the second you took off your coat. Sadly, Edith's is no more and I didn't know where else to go. Having had good experiences at Nordies before, I started there. I put on my big girl panties and headed in. The only person working in the department was this very cute, perky and very young woman with A cups. Ugh. Not the person I was hoping for. I needed one of those magical women who could tell by looking at me. :( So, I tell her my story and she takes me to the wall with all the industrial bras. I wanted to run away. So I did. I told her I'd try Macy's. She encouraged me to come back and she'd help me find something that would work. Yeah, right.

I head to the other side of the mall to Macy's. Long walk. I did it quickly, trying to get my exercise in. :) In Macy's lingerie dept were 3 women- all definitely older than me. I asked one for help. Asked me my size (umm.. did you listen to my story? She thought the surgeon would have told me what cup size he gave me... sigh... this is a foreshadow). She measured me out at a 40C. Not one of those bras worked. I did not fill a C cup by any means either. Sigh.

Headed back into the mall. Hit a few sale racks. Actually tried on clothing at Old Navy (never really shopped there for myself before) and bought a shirt. Size medium. Could have gotten the small, but I was afraid of shrinkage. That's new. I would have never even tried on a medium before. Only a large (which I admit I did try on first. LOL). Bought some more mediums at the Disney store (big score there- 2 shirts for $13). Stopped for lunch because I was exhausted and needed to build up my strength for Nordstroms.

Back in the Nordie's lingerie dept, it seemed everyone and their mother (really just mothers... more like grandmothers....) had descended on the dept. Found the cute, cheery salesclerk who was truly working like a speed demon helping all these very demanding women. Once again, I thought I should just run away. But it was too late. I really needed to find a bra that met the specifications my surgeon gave me. Went with the size the lady at Macy's told me (40B/C.. this bra has odd sizing). Nope. No good. Did not cry, but I wanted too. Got dressed and headed out of the dressing room. Was stopped by said perky salesclerk who made me go back and sit down. After some waiting (all those very demanding women), she arrives with a different size that she pulled from the back. It was a 38A/B. It turns out I misread the cute young salesclerk. She is actually one of those magical ladies that can tell your size by looking. She said she would have never tried me in a 40, unless a 38 was too tight. She suspects that when the swelling is down that I will be around a 36B or C, depending on the bra. I decided that I liked her. I also realized that the magical older women who can tell what size bra you are by just looking had to start somewhere. :)

That should be the end of the story, but after that bit of magic, I was re-energized. I headed towards the swimsuits. Nordstroms seems to be having a run on cute, little perky saleswomen. In this dept, I encountered one that was not only younger than me, but shorter! And every so much perkier. This was the right dept for her. She looked like an athlete. What happened to all the little old ladies? Did they all retire to Florida? Anyway, I found the good sports bras there. Told her my story, what I was looking for and why. She recommended one brand/style for that purpose and helped me figure out my size. Then, she helped me pick out a few bathing suits (tankinis) to try on. Good news/bad news. I can't get a sports bra on. Just can't get it past my shoulders. It feels like torture. In a panic, I ripped it off and vowed not to try one again (the surgeon recommended a good strong sports bra for everyday/night use). Good news.. the bathing suits fit. But, once again, I have to step into them. I can't get them over my head. I start to panic the second it feels the slightest bit snug. Stepping into them, some where actually even too big. But over my head.. can't do it. Don't understand it but I'll deal. I did not buy a suit though. Patterns that are cute on the hanger are not cute stretched out over a beached whale. The other reason is style. I have a new body. I have no idea what works on this body. I did see what doesn't work though! LOL. I really need Stacy and Clinton to rescue me!!! Help!