A Little Perspective, Please

I don't have much in that department.

This is the body we are talking about. OK. It's just me. You are probably not talking about my body. Or maybe you are. :P

Some of you have been with me through the whole thinking positive bit about mastectomy and reconstruction.. that I'm going to have much smaller, perkier, Barbie-like boobs. You've seen and heard me lament about ending up bigger than I thought or hoped I would be. You've seen and heard me talk about looking forward to wearing tops that don't require a bra for the first time since I was 9 or 10.

I admit I had absolutely no desire to be reconstructed to the size that I once was. I'm not sure any plastic surgeon would have or could have done so anyway. I was a candidate for a reduction pre-mastectomy. Implants don't come in sizes that large. And even if they do, they are not or would be considered realistic. Kind of funny because what I had was real!

Why am I going through this discussion? It's because I'm working the front of the house for the Nutcracker today. I needed to put something on a little nicer than my normal jeans and a plain shirt. I pulled out a velour top and pants that I have worn many winters for dressier events. The pants were a little snug last year. Happy to report that they are not at all. They are actually loose! Yahoo! I may have regained some of the weight I lost but not all. The problem came when I put the top on. It used to be a little snug too. I didn't wear this outfit last winter bc I felt like a beached whale in it. I put on the top and Rachel laughed at me. It's HUGE! It just hangs. Doees absolutely nothing for me. I wonder if it ever did.

I know I should be happy about finding that my clothing is too big. I know I've talked so much about looking forward to buying new clothes. It's not even finished but it is a WHOLE NEW BODY. I should be pleased but I don't have anything to wear!!!!!