After those few eyebrow hairs left the building, it stopped. I haven't lost another one. And trust me, I keep checking! Enough that Rachel has said numerous times "MOM! Your eyebrows are fine. Leave them alone." LOL! Can you hear the tone in her voice? Wonder where she gets that from?
So, off I went this morning. I dropped my prima ballerina off at dance for the day. As an aside, it's pretty funny. I drop off a prima ballerina in the morning and I pick up a break dancer in the afternoon. She has 3 hrs of ballet in the morning (not all straight dancing- they get dance history, vocabulary and some health lessons as well). In the afternoon, she has jazz, musical theater and vocal, tap and hip-hop. They've been learning different styles so she came home from week one "popping" and now she's breaking- spinning on her head and everything!
After I dropped the ballerina off, I headed to DMV for the dreaded picture license. They insisted on changing my hyphenated name, something they refused to do in the past. I don't use a hyphenated name but it ended up that way 13+ yrs ago at DMV. They used my passport as my primary ID so now everything matches... just the way I wanted it 13 yrs ago. The picture itself is OK. I look at it and I see clearly that it's me in a wig. I'll probably always see it that way. No big deal. How often do you actually look at your license? The picture is half way decent otherwise. And it's done. I now have a cool, hard to duplicate NJ license. This is in contrast to my paper, easy to copy, no picture version that I've carried forever.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
The other shoe
Remember my eyebrow obsession? Waiting for the other shoe to drop and lose those precious hairs?
Well, it's happened. It's started.
I rubbed my eyes on Saturday and found a few eyebrow hairs on my finger.
It was exactly 8 days after my last A/C treatment, for those keeping track and for those also in this journey. I've always been one of those with thick eyebrows, so there is still plenty left to lose. If you aren't looking closely, you cannot tell at all. I had my eyebrows waxed when I had my hair cut shorter this spring. I have reached the point where there are stragglers that should be plucked, but I just cannot do it. Of course, I test those and try to pull on them and they don't budge at all. It's only the ones that need to stay put that seem to fall out.
The worst part of this is that my driver's license renewal came. In NJ, we have not had to have picture licenses. They are now phasing them in. And yes, NOW it is my turn to get a picture license. I have to go into the agency with my 6 forms of ID and have my photo taken NOW at this lovely point in my life when I am, for all intents and purposes, BALD and losing my eyebrows!!!!! This will be the photo I'll have as my identity for the next several years.
HOW LUCKY CAN YOU GET? (please note that statement is dripping with sarcasm)
Well, it's happened. It's started.
I rubbed my eyes on Saturday and found a few eyebrow hairs on my finger.
It was exactly 8 days after my last A/C treatment, for those keeping track and for those also in this journey. I've always been one of those with thick eyebrows, so there is still plenty left to lose. If you aren't looking closely, you cannot tell at all. I had my eyebrows waxed when I had my hair cut shorter this spring. I have reached the point where there are stragglers that should be plucked, but I just cannot do it. Of course, I test those and try to pull on them and they don't budge at all. It's only the ones that need to stay put that seem to fall out.
The worst part of this is that my driver's license renewal came. In NJ, we have not had to have picture licenses. They are now phasing them in. And yes, NOW it is my turn to get a picture license. I have to go into the agency with my 6 forms of ID and have my photo taken NOW at this lovely point in my life when I am, for all intents and purposes, BALD and losing my eyebrows!!!!! This will be the photo I'll have as my identity for the next several years.
HOW LUCKY CAN YOU GET? (please note that statement is dripping with sarcasm)
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
I seem to get my deepest thoughts either just before I fall asleep or when I first wake up.
This morning, I was thinking about Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's "On Death and Dying."
No, I am not dying except in that metaphorical sense in which we are all dying once we are born.
In her landmark book, she talks about the stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I realized this morning that I am cycling through these stages. Almost like a merry-go round, I am hitting them over and over again.
I thought I had jumped from the shock of the diagnosis to acceptance very quickly. I remember the shock vividly. It happened on April 18, when I saw the cancer on the mammogram. I knew what it was. I knew there was no chance it was benign, even if it didn't have all the telltale features. I had decided within the previous 3 yrs that my risk for breast cancer was no higher than anyone else. Suddenly, I knew I was wrong. I knew I had cancer. I was definitely shocked!
Shock moved very quickly into action. I made the calls. I set up appointments. I got my own results and made sure they got to those that needed them ASAP. I started to do whatever it was that had to be done so that I could get this cancer out of my body. I thought I was moving back into the concept I had grown up with. That breast cancer was certainly something that could happen to me someday and I would have to deal with it and get it taken care of. Period. I thought this was acceptance. Now, I am not so sure. I realize that the shock was part of denial. If I moved quickly and took care of what needed to be done (after all, what else is there to do??!!), I could almost pretend it wasn't happening. Little things would happen and then it would hit me that this was real, it's was happening to ME! Dropping Rachel off at Patria's. Sitting in the private holding room at CARES. Having to actually climb on the OR table. (Hate that part. I love surgery and love walking into an OR, just don't like being the patient!!!) Having my port accessed. Planning my surgery date so I can be there for the first day of school. Those are the moments when I cannot pretend this is not happening. I've been cycling through denial. The funny part is that I have been denying that I've been in denial at all!!! I think it also comes when I am surprised by my reflection or when I see my shadow and don't realize at first that it's MINE. For all the acceptance I thought I had, I've been living in denial.
I've also spent the last few days, maybe the last 2 weeks, cycling between anger and depression. I've been on edge and irritated. I'm sick of being sick. I'm tired of being tired. I'm so irritated, annoyed and ANGRY that this has happened to ME! I hate feeling like this. I like to blame being off birth control pills for some of it (the return of PMS! LOL! what happened to the chemopause? I'm STILL fertile!!). I know it's not the whole picture. I'm overwhelmed at what comes next. While it's not as frightening on some levels as the unknown that chemotherapy once was, I'm still scared. I just never considered chemotherapy having a place in my own life. Surgery, yes. Chemo, no. As a surgeon, maybe surgery is easier to accept. Or, is it that I had considered these surgeries as prophylaxis in the past? Probably both. It doesn't change anything though. There's an undercurrent of anger over the idea that there is still more big stuff left.
Another piece from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross that I remember is that we all travel through at least 2 of the stages as we move towards acceptance. And, we don't necessarily hit the stages in order. I'd love to stop cycling and simply live in acceptance, but I don't know that it is ever possible. There are things in my life that are permanently changed. Breast cancer is never truly considered cured. Formally, it's just "no evidence of disease." It's not like some cancers where if you make it 5 yrs without a recurence, you are cured. I did chemotherapy not because I am at any significant risk for the next 5 yrs. My cancer staging carries with it a 96% survival rate. We forget and many don't know that survival rates are quoted for FIVE YEARS. That's it. Sometimes, it's 10 yrs, but most published rates are for 5 yrs. I did chemo bc of the risk of this particular cancer raising it's head again within the next TWENTY YEARS. Yup. That's not reflected in my beloved 96% at all. I'm having the bilateral mastectomy and the oophorectomies bc of my future risks of cancer. I'll be bringing all these risks down to a nice low level once I am done. Will that bring me acceptance? A permanent, comfortable acceptance?
I don't know. Maybe I really don't know what acceptance is after all.
This morning, I was thinking about Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's "On Death and Dying."
No, I am not dying except in that metaphorical sense in which we are all dying once we are born.
In her landmark book, she talks about the stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I realized this morning that I am cycling through these stages. Almost like a merry-go round, I am hitting them over and over again.
I thought I had jumped from the shock of the diagnosis to acceptance very quickly. I remember the shock vividly. It happened on April 18, when I saw the cancer on the mammogram. I knew what it was. I knew there was no chance it was benign, even if it didn't have all the telltale features. I had decided within the previous 3 yrs that my risk for breast cancer was no higher than anyone else. Suddenly, I knew I was wrong. I knew I had cancer. I was definitely shocked!
Shock moved very quickly into action. I made the calls. I set up appointments. I got my own results and made sure they got to those that needed them ASAP. I started to do whatever it was that had to be done so that I could get this cancer out of my body. I thought I was moving back into the concept I had grown up with. That breast cancer was certainly something that could happen to me someday and I would have to deal with it and get it taken care of. Period. I thought this was acceptance. Now, I am not so sure. I realize that the shock was part of denial. If I moved quickly and took care of what needed to be done (after all, what else is there to do??!!), I could almost pretend it wasn't happening. Little things would happen and then it would hit me that this was real, it's was happening to ME! Dropping Rachel off at Patria's. Sitting in the private holding room at CARES. Having to actually climb on the OR table. (Hate that part. I love surgery and love walking into an OR, just don't like being the patient!!!) Having my port accessed. Planning my surgery date so I can be there for the first day of school. Those are the moments when I cannot pretend this is not happening. I've been cycling through denial. The funny part is that I have been denying that I've been in denial at all!!! I think it also comes when I am surprised by my reflection or when I see my shadow and don't realize at first that it's MINE. For all the acceptance I thought I had, I've been living in denial.
I've also spent the last few days, maybe the last 2 weeks, cycling between anger and depression. I've been on edge and irritated. I'm sick of being sick. I'm tired of being tired. I'm so irritated, annoyed and ANGRY that this has happened to ME! I hate feeling like this. I like to blame being off birth control pills for some of it (the return of PMS! LOL! what happened to the chemopause? I'm STILL fertile!!). I know it's not the whole picture. I'm overwhelmed at what comes next. While it's not as frightening on some levels as the unknown that chemotherapy once was, I'm still scared. I just never considered chemotherapy having a place in my own life. Surgery, yes. Chemo, no. As a surgeon, maybe surgery is easier to accept. Or, is it that I had considered these surgeries as prophylaxis in the past? Probably both. It doesn't change anything though. There's an undercurrent of anger over the idea that there is still more big stuff left.
Another piece from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross that I remember is that we all travel through at least 2 of the stages as we move towards acceptance. And, we don't necessarily hit the stages in order. I'd love to stop cycling and simply live in acceptance, but I don't know that it is ever possible. There are things in my life that are permanently changed. Breast cancer is never truly considered cured. Formally, it's just "no evidence of disease." It's not like some cancers where if you make it 5 yrs without a recurence, you are cured. I did chemotherapy not because I am at any significant risk for the next 5 yrs. My cancer staging carries with it a 96% survival rate. We forget and many don't know that survival rates are quoted for FIVE YEARS. That's it. Sometimes, it's 10 yrs, but most published rates are for 5 yrs. I did chemo bc of the risk of this particular cancer raising it's head again within the next TWENTY YEARS. Yup. That's not reflected in my beloved 96% at all. I'm having the bilateral mastectomy and the oophorectomies bc of my future risks of cancer. I'll be bringing all these risks down to a nice low level once I am done. Will that bring me acceptance? A permanent, comfortable acceptance?
I don't know. Maybe I really don't know what acceptance is after all.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
A week later, the rollercoaster continues
It's been a week and a day from my last chemotherapy session. :D
When I think of that, I feel almost giddy. It's such an incredible feeling to know that I am done with that portion of my treatment. It's like being on the fun part of the rollercoaster. Is there a fun part? I really do not like rollercoasters in real life. Still, it's coming off a big hill, without seeing the huge rise to the next one around the corner.
Yet, here I am now. I'm wishing the ride was over bc I sincerely want to get off this thing.
I took Rachel out yesterday. We visited another dance studio. I do like this one, but she'll have to cut back on the number of classes. There are no back to back classes available for her and she'd end up going more days for fewer classes. But, it's owned by one of the most well known ballerinas of our generation and all the teachers appear to be top notch on paper. She'd get a strong ballet experience here, but not nearly as much in jazz. Decisions, decisions... Anyway, after that, we went to the mall for a movie and lunch. I was completely exhausted when we got home at 2pm. As if we had been out all day and all night. It's a very small mall and we didn't even walk 1/3 of it. We only went to Pottery Barn Kids and Williams Sonoma (I have a weird kid.. she spent a good 5 minutes looking at the knife display in Williams Sonoma and then mooned over the new Thanksgiving dishes). I want my energy back. I wanted to keep going. This was all I could handle. I thoroughly missed my normal daytime nap and was exceedingly crabby by 6 or 7pm. I am so tired of doing nothing all day but doing much of anything is exhausting.
Another hard part of the ride is recovering my immunity. My counts have all been pretty good but it is still slow going. I'm relatively anemic, but nothing outrageous and not enough to require additional meds to boost my RBCs. My WBCs have stayed in fighting range and I did mount a response to this initial upper respiratory tract infection. I STILL have that cough and a little bit of a sore throat. The thrush is now starting to disappear. So, yes, things are getting better, but they are still ongoing. I have 5 and 1/2 weeks for it all to go away. Sounds like a long time but not when it's been going on for a good 3 weeks already. I'm becoming religious about carrying and using Purell, the hand sanitizer. I used it before, but now I use it constantly when I'm out of the house. I cannot afford to catch another thing. In reality, I need to have this cleared by the 14th when I go for pre-admission testing. That testing includes a chest x-ray! Yikes. A little too soon.
I'm letting Miss Rachel sleep in this morning. She's had a tiring week at dance for 8 hrs a day. She's loving it, but it is hard work. It's amazing how much she's learned in just the first 4 days. She has to demonstrate everything she's learned at night when she gets home. I can see the difference in her ballet technique already. And the hiphop and break dancing- it's amazing! She can pop and is already spinning on her HEAD! If I could just harness a fraction of her energy, I'd be in great shape! Today, we are going to take it easy (at least I am). I want to spend a little time working on getting the worst of the house picked up. Howie is running a 20 miler this morning as part of his NYC marathon training, so it'll be just as girls most of the day. Then tomorrow, Rachel and I are going to see "Grease." I did say I was taking things easy, right? I really am. I'm going to take things in little bites (umm... that's literal and figurative in the post-chemo world) and I'm going to get that nap in if I need it. :D
Almost 8 am.. time to start the morning meds. If you're keeping track, I think I'm down to 9 (Pepcid, aspirin, Flonase, Advair, Singulair, Mucinex, Colace, fluconazole, and Avelox). :D
When I think of that, I feel almost giddy. It's such an incredible feeling to know that I am done with that portion of my treatment. It's like being on the fun part of the rollercoaster. Is there a fun part? I really do not like rollercoasters in real life. Still, it's coming off a big hill, without seeing the huge rise to the next one around the corner.
Yet, here I am now. I'm wishing the ride was over bc I sincerely want to get off this thing.
I took Rachel out yesterday. We visited another dance studio. I do like this one, but she'll have to cut back on the number of classes. There are no back to back classes available for her and she'd end up going more days for fewer classes. But, it's owned by one of the most well known ballerinas of our generation and all the teachers appear to be top notch on paper. She'd get a strong ballet experience here, but not nearly as much in jazz. Decisions, decisions... Anyway, after that, we went to the mall for a movie and lunch. I was completely exhausted when we got home at 2pm. As if we had been out all day and all night. It's a very small mall and we didn't even walk 1/3 of it. We only went to Pottery Barn Kids and Williams Sonoma (I have a weird kid.. she spent a good 5 minutes looking at the knife display in Williams Sonoma and then mooned over the new Thanksgiving dishes). I want my energy back. I wanted to keep going. This was all I could handle. I thoroughly missed my normal daytime nap and was exceedingly crabby by 6 or 7pm. I am so tired of doing nothing all day but doing much of anything is exhausting.
Another hard part of the ride is recovering my immunity. My counts have all been pretty good but it is still slow going. I'm relatively anemic, but nothing outrageous and not enough to require additional meds to boost my RBCs. My WBCs have stayed in fighting range and I did mount a response to this initial upper respiratory tract infection. I STILL have that cough and a little bit of a sore throat. The thrush is now starting to disappear. So, yes, things are getting better, but they are still ongoing. I have 5 and 1/2 weeks for it all to go away. Sounds like a long time but not when it's been going on for a good 3 weeks already. I'm becoming religious about carrying and using Purell, the hand sanitizer. I used it before, but now I use it constantly when I'm out of the house. I cannot afford to catch another thing. In reality, I need to have this cleared by the 14th when I go for pre-admission testing. That testing includes a chest x-ray! Yikes. A little too soon.
I'm letting Miss Rachel sleep in this morning. She's had a tiring week at dance for 8 hrs a day. She's loving it, but it is hard work. It's amazing how much she's learned in just the first 4 days. She has to demonstrate everything she's learned at night when she gets home. I can see the difference in her ballet technique already. And the hiphop and break dancing- it's amazing! She can pop and is already spinning on her HEAD! If I could just harness a fraction of her energy, I'd be in great shape! Today, we are going to take it easy (at least I am). I want to spend a little time working on getting the worst of the house picked up. Howie is running a 20 miler this morning as part of his NYC marathon training, so it'll be just as girls most of the day. Then tomorrow, Rachel and I are going to see "Grease." I did say I was taking things easy, right? I really am. I'm going to take things in little bites (umm... that's literal and figurative in the post-chemo world) and I'm going to get that nap in if I need it. :D
Almost 8 am.. time to start the morning meds. If you're keeping track, I think I'm down to 9 (Pepcid, aspirin, Flonase, Advair, Singulair, Mucinex, Colace, fluconazole, and Avelox). :D
Friday, August 04, 2006
BREAKING NEWS!
I HAD TO SHAVE MY LEGS!
Could this mean my hair is growing back?
OK. It's not like you could see major hair. I did feel the start of stubble though.
Hmm.. it seems to me this should be on the "no fair" list. I think I shouldn't have to shave my legs until after I'm recovered from the bilateral mastectomies and other surgeries.
Could this mean my hair is growing back?
OK. It's not like you could see major hair. I did feel the start of stubble though.
Hmm.. it seems to me this should be on the "no fair" list. I think I shouldn't have to shave my legs until after I'm recovered from the bilateral mastectomies and other surgeries.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Tons of News
So much going on right now. I'm going to stick mainly to the facts. The rest is a little more than I can handle at the moment.
I am almost over this "cold." The antibiotic I started last week has made a great difference. Unfortunately, it's not without a price. I woke up with an incredible sore throat on Tuesday morning around 1:30am, despite having taken a sleeping pill. Another case of "NO FAIR!" Stopped by the oncology office to confirm what I had thought. Another case of thrush. This time it's not just my mouth but it goes right down my throat too. Soup was the only thing that appealed last night. Yes, in the 100+ degree weather.
I slept til after 5 am this morning!!! This is the first "full" night of sleep I've had in days, even with taking the sleeping pill at night. Halleluyah!
I'm avoiding all the serious stuff. I'm avoiding that my house is a mess. The clutter is beyond my normal messy standards. My floors need to be swept and washed and I cannot remember the last time that happened. There's not a presentable room in the entire house. I am keeping up the basics- eating, sleeping, getting Rachel were she needs to be. That's it for now. I hope it will be better in another week. Not expecting miracles. Just baby steps.
The most serious stuff yet.
My surgeries will most likely be on September 12. All of them. Ovaries, tubes, both mastectomies and at least the initial reconstruction. Probably a good 6 hours of OR time. 2 days in the hospital. I've decided on silicone implants. Probably won't end up quite as small as I had hoped, but I've been told I'll probably end up about 1/3 the size I am now... so that can't be too bad. The plastic surgeon promised I'll be able to buy bras in every color of the rainbow in a regular everday store like VS. And, even better, once it's all done, I won't have to wear a bra unless I want to. I'm keeping my eye on that prize bc it's easier than thinking about the rest of it!
I am almost over this "cold." The antibiotic I started last week has made a great difference. Unfortunately, it's not without a price. I woke up with an incredible sore throat on Tuesday morning around 1:30am, despite having taken a sleeping pill. Another case of "NO FAIR!" Stopped by the oncology office to confirm what I had thought. Another case of thrush. This time it's not just my mouth but it goes right down my throat too. Soup was the only thing that appealed last night. Yes, in the 100+ degree weather.
I slept til after 5 am this morning!!! This is the first "full" night of sleep I've had in days, even with taking the sleeping pill at night. Halleluyah!
I'm avoiding all the serious stuff. I'm avoiding that my house is a mess. The clutter is beyond my normal messy standards. My floors need to be swept and washed and I cannot remember the last time that happened. There's not a presentable room in the entire house. I am keeping up the basics- eating, sleeping, getting Rachel were she needs to be. That's it for now. I hope it will be better in another week. Not expecting miracles. Just baby steps.
The most serious stuff yet.
My surgeries will most likely be on September 12. All of them. Ovaries, tubes, both mastectomies and at least the initial reconstruction. Probably a good 6 hours of OR time. 2 days in the hospital. I've decided on silicone implants. Probably won't end up quite as small as I had hoped, but I've been told I'll probably end up about 1/3 the size I am now... so that can't be too bad. The plastic surgeon promised I'll be able to buy bras in every color of the rainbow in a regular everday store like VS. And, even better, once it's all done, I won't have to wear a bra unless I want to. I'm keeping my eye on that prize bc it's easier than thinking about the rest of it!
Monday, July 31, 2006
Just a quick one
Chemo is done. :D
Hurray!
Still have a cough but the antibiotic seems to be helping so it was definitely more than "just a cold." I'm deep in chemo-fog land with all that goes with it. So glad I won't be getting dumped back into once it's gone this time.
I am *finally* seeing the plastic surgeon of my choice today. He's not in our HMO so you can imagine the hoops we had to jump through to get coverage for the consult. Hoping getting coverage for my reconstruction (cute little perky Barbie boobs) will be easier now that the raod is paved.
More later...
Hurray!
Still have a cough but the antibiotic seems to be helping so it was definitely more than "just a cold." I'm deep in chemo-fog land with all that goes with it. So glad I won't be getting dumped back into once it's gone this time.
I am *finally* seeing the plastic surgeon of my choice today. He's not in our HMO so you can imagine the hoops we had to jump through to get coverage for the consult. Hoping getting coverage for my reconstruction (cute little perky Barbie boobs) will be easier now that the raod is paved.
More later...
Friday, July 28, 2006
T-2, give or take
Just a little longer...
I've taken 8 medications. I'm almost finished with my second glass of water. Almost ready. Have to take Emend, the great anti-emetic that interferes with the brain's ability to allow emesis (throwing up, for those not medically inclined). Still have to put the EMLA cream on my port so it doesn't hurt as much when they access it. I'm not convinced it really makes a difference. I've now had the port accessed with just the spray, EMLA+spray, and without a thing (when I had that semi-emergency visit last week). It didn't hurt the time with the spray, hurt one time with EMLA + spray and not the other time, and hurt the same without anything. I have a feeling it may depend on the person who's doing the accessing more than the actual anesthetic involved. But you know what, I'm not interested in finding out more. They can access it today and then, at least I hope, that I'll be told that I can schedule its removal. As much as I don't want another fresh incision, it will be nice to have it out! They will use the same incision, but I'll have to heal all over again. I've gotten used to it but it still is tender when touched. It hurts a little when it's bumped accidentally. Then there's that thin tube to goes up into my neck and into the jugular vein. Let's just say, it will be nice to have it gone!
I know there are a bunch of you out there reading.... come leave a comment and celebrate the end of this phase with me!!!
I've taken 8 medications. I'm almost finished with my second glass of water. Almost ready. Have to take Emend, the great anti-emetic that interferes with the brain's ability to allow emesis (throwing up, for those not medically inclined). Still have to put the EMLA cream on my port so it doesn't hurt as much when they access it. I'm not convinced it really makes a difference. I've now had the port accessed with just the spray, EMLA+spray, and without a thing (when I had that semi-emergency visit last week). It didn't hurt the time with the spray, hurt one time with EMLA + spray and not the other time, and hurt the same without anything. I have a feeling it may depend on the person who's doing the accessing more than the actual anesthetic involved. But you know what, I'm not interested in finding out more. They can access it today and then, at least I hope, that I'll be told that I can schedule its removal. As much as I don't want another fresh incision, it will be nice to have it out! They will use the same incision, but I'll have to heal all over again. I've gotten used to it but it still is tender when touched. It hurts a little when it's bumped accidentally. Then there's that thin tube to goes up into my neck and into the jugular vein. Let's just say, it will be nice to have it gone!
I know there are a bunch of you out there reading.... come leave a comment and celebrate the end of this phase with me!!!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
T-12 and counting down!
This time tomorrow, I will be recovering from my last dose of adriamycin and cytoxan.
My sister is coming over in the morning. We'll take Rachel to camp and then head to the office for my 9:30 am appointment. They'll access my port and take some blood. Then, once the results are back, I'll see the oncologist. At 10:00 am, they'll start my pre-meds and then I'll get the chemo. Should be done by noon. :) Then, I'll try to take a nap (not too hard bc of the benedryl) and head back to dancing school for Rachel's show at 3pm. That's my day.
I have my meds lined up and ready to go. I am DEFINITELY taking a sleeping pill tonight, even though I don't know if I need it. In additional to all the other horrible things that went wrong with cycle 3 (didn't post about them all but some are due to forgetting meds), I didn't sleep well the night before. I had a touch of the "I don't want to do this!!!!" anxiety. I don't have that now. Just a relief and some excitement about this being over. It's just hard to wrap myself around the concept that I still have to recover the following week or two. So many emotions. I am still upset that I had to do this. Still angry it happened to me. Still have so much ahead- surgeries, another 5 yrs of medication, and learning to live with that nagging fear of recurence.
I'm looking forward to food tasting normal again. These drugs cause an odd taste in your mouth, a not so nice one at that.
I'm looking forward to not having chemo-fog anymore.
I'm looking forward to the constant acid indigestion stuff going away! (fellow chemo girls, if it doesn't go away, I don't need to know now. tell me in a few weeks! OK? LOL)
I'm looking forward to not having to remember the last time I had a bowel movement and not having to take meds to make that happen. TMI? Oh well. LOL
My hair. Yes, I am looking forward to my hair. I still haven't lost it all. I don't have enough hair to go public and I have too much hair to go public as a bald woman. Not that I'm asking to lose it. As much as I like my wig, I want it to grow again. QUICKLY. VERY QUICKLY.
Most of all, I am looking forward to being DONE!
My sister is coming over in the morning. We'll take Rachel to camp and then head to the office for my 9:30 am appointment. They'll access my port and take some blood. Then, once the results are back, I'll see the oncologist. At 10:00 am, they'll start my pre-meds and then I'll get the chemo. Should be done by noon. :) Then, I'll try to take a nap (not too hard bc of the benedryl) and head back to dancing school for Rachel's show at 3pm. That's my day.
I have my meds lined up and ready to go. I am DEFINITELY taking a sleeping pill tonight, even though I don't know if I need it. In additional to all the other horrible things that went wrong with cycle 3 (didn't post about them all but some are due to forgetting meds), I didn't sleep well the night before. I had a touch of the "I don't want to do this!!!!" anxiety. I don't have that now. Just a relief and some excitement about this being over. It's just hard to wrap myself around the concept that I still have to recover the following week or two. So many emotions. I am still upset that I had to do this. Still angry it happened to me. Still have so much ahead- surgeries, another 5 yrs of medication, and learning to live with that nagging fear of recurence.
I'm looking forward to food tasting normal again. These drugs cause an odd taste in your mouth, a not so nice one at that.
I'm looking forward to not having chemo-fog anymore.
I'm looking forward to the constant acid indigestion stuff going away! (fellow chemo girls, if it doesn't go away, I don't need to know now. tell me in a few weeks! OK? LOL)
I'm looking forward to not having to remember the last time I had a bowel movement and not having to take meds to make that happen. TMI? Oh well. LOL
My hair. Yes, I am looking forward to my hair. I still haven't lost it all. I don't have enough hair to go public and I have too much hair to go public as a bald woman. Not that I'm asking to lose it. As much as I like my wig, I want it to grow again. QUICKLY. VERY QUICKLY.
Most of all, I am looking forward to being DONE!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Today's news
Nothing new really.
I still have this cold. It's better than last week, but it's still here. I doubt that it's bad enough to delay chemo on Friday.
Speaking of chemo on Friday, IT'S MY LAST ONE!!! Yes, I am shouting. LOL! It's really too bad it just doesn't end then. I still have to combat the effects with a million and one medications for the days afterwards. I still will need sleeping pills to stay asleep even though I'm exhausted. I still will need pills to prevent the severe constipation that happens for a few days and then yet other pills for when that finally reverses itself. And let's not forget the extremely valuable (literally and figuratively) anti-emetics. Plus the aspirin, Neulasta shot, Aleve (for the pain the Neulasta shot causes), and whatever else I am forgetting. Then, I will be DONE, DONE, DONE!!!!!
Not sure how to celebrate yet. I do have tickets for a few classes on Saturday at the Creating Keepsakes Convention in Valley Forge, PA. I had registered before life turned upside down with this diagnosis. In fact, I think registration was time around when I went for the first mammogram. With this cold and the chemo the day before, I don't know if I'll have the energy to go. It will require some pre-planning (anti-emetics and fluids are vital that day), but I think I might be able to do it. Really won't know until that morning. Oh well. There are just things in life we can't control (I know, I know.. kind of funny coming from a control freak).
I still have this cold. It's better than last week, but it's still here. I doubt that it's bad enough to delay chemo on Friday.
Speaking of chemo on Friday, IT'S MY LAST ONE!!! Yes, I am shouting. LOL! It's really too bad it just doesn't end then. I still have to combat the effects with a million and one medications for the days afterwards. I still will need sleeping pills to stay asleep even though I'm exhausted. I still will need pills to prevent the severe constipation that happens for a few days and then yet other pills for when that finally reverses itself. And let's not forget the extremely valuable (literally and figuratively) anti-emetics. Plus the aspirin, Neulasta shot, Aleve (for the pain the Neulasta shot causes), and whatever else I am forgetting. Then, I will be DONE, DONE, DONE!!!!!
Not sure how to celebrate yet. I do have tickets for a few classes on Saturday at the Creating Keepsakes Convention in Valley Forge, PA. I had registered before life turned upside down with this diagnosis. In fact, I think registration was time around when I went for the first mammogram. With this cold and the chemo the day before, I don't know if I'll have the energy to go. It will require some pre-planning (anti-emetics and fluids are vital that day), but I think I might be able to do it. Really won't know until that morning. Oh well. There are just things in life we can't control (I know, I know.. kind of funny coming from a control freak).
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
A little giggle and a few tears
My Dad called to let me know his surgery went OK today. What surgery? oops. That's what I asked too. I'm so stuck in my own little cancer world that I had forgotten when he was having cataract surgery. It's all over, he did just fine.
He asked how my hair was doing. Obviously, Dad's not reading this blog and we haven't seen him since a few days before I started chemo. I said my hair is fine. I put it on before I leave the house and I take it off when I get home. At times, I have short hair and at times, it's long. Some days I am a brunette and some days I am a redhead. That's it.
It made me laugh. :) Him too. I still think he doesn't totally "get" what's going on. He and his fiance do keep asking what they can do. I really just don't know what to say when people say that. And in all honesty, it does make me sad bc I know that if my mom were alive, that's not the sort of thing she'd say. She would just "do." That's just who she was.
He asked how my hair was doing. Obviously, Dad's not reading this blog and we haven't seen him since a few days before I started chemo. I said my hair is fine. I put it on before I leave the house and I take it off when I get home. At times, I have short hair and at times, it's long. Some days I am a brunette and some days I am a redhead. That's it.
It made me laugh. :) Him too. I still think he doesn't totally "get" what's going on. He and his fiance do keep asking what they can do. I really just don't know what to say when people say that. And in all honesty, it does make me sad bc I know that if my mom were alive, that's not the sort of thing she'd say. She would just "do." That's just who she was.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Genetics
Today, I am having my blood drawn for BRCA gene analysis.
Thanks to my insurance company, this is the second time I'm having this done. Back in May, just after my lumpectomy, I met with a genetic counselor and had the blood drawn. My insurance company categorically denied the test, despite my filing appeals and a grievance against them. Then, after the threat of public exposure by a group at Yale (THANK YOU!), they reversed their decision and decided that they will now look at BRCA and other genetic tests on a case by case basis. Prior to this, they had a policy in place that denied ALL genetic testing unless it was prenatal. So, essentially, I could have gotten pregnant, had a PUBS (percutaneous uterine blood sampling, where the cord blood is drawn IN UTERO) and gotten results for my fetus, but not myself. Anyway, that fight is over now. They are covering it 100%! They just won't cover it retroactively. So, even though the lab had already extracted my DNA, we have to start all over again.
Here's my little public service announcement for the day:
MOST BREAST CANCER IS NOT GENETIC! 80-90% of breast cancer occurs in women without a significant family history.
Had to get that out of the way bc so many people believe they are not at risk bc "it's not in their family."
There are a few known mutations in the BRCA genes that bring a huge risk of breast cancer (and ovarian cancer) to the unlucky owners. Only about 5% of women/men with this disease actually carry these gene mutations. (We all carry these genes BTW. These genes probably are tumor suppressors when they are intact and fully functional). But, women with one of these gene mutations carry up to an 85% chance of developing breast cancer and up to a 60% chance of developing ovarian cancer. Just like with everyone else, the risk increases with age. Just being of Ashkenazi Jewish descent and being a woman diagnosed with breast ca under the age of 50, my risk of having one of these mutations is about 12%. However, because we already know that there is a BRCA1 gene mutation in the family, there's a little over a 50% chance risk that I do carry this gene.
I did consider having this test done a few years ago (the gene was only isolated in 1994). However, I had no first degree relatives with breast or ovarian cancer (not my mother or sister). Because of that, traditionally, I was not considered to be at a significantly increased risk. Increased, yes, but not a huge increase. Plus, being tested at that time would have brought about fears of genetic discrimination by insurance companies, etc. At this point, I already have had breast cancer, so I am ALREADY at increased risk for getting another breast cancer no matter what. That's a 1% risk each year and it's additive, so it's a 10% risk in 10 yrs, 40% in the next 40 years. Pretty high by itself without adding the possibility of the BRCA gene mutation into the mix. Also, there are laws about discrimination now and the lab will not release the results to any insurance company.
At this point, having these results is probably only for my sister and my daughter. I've decided that I want a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction for a myriad of reasons. I was originally just going to go with a lumpectomy and radiation bc the cancer was caught at such an early stage. I'm just not fond of the increased risk from age alone and I've already taken the watch and wait approach for this half of my life with regards to breast cancer. I'm being proactive with the second half.
Now, as for that cold. It's STILL here. :(
Thanks to my insurance company, this is the second time I'm having this done. Back in May, just after my lumpectomy, I met with a genetic counselor and had the blood drawn. My insurance company categorically denied the test, despite my filing appeals and a grievance against them. Then, after the threat of public exposure by a group at Yale (THANK YOU!), they reversed their decision and decided that they will now look at BRCA and other genetic tests on a case by case basis. Prior to this, they had a policy in place that denied ALL genetic testing unless it was prenatal. So, essentially, I could have gotten pregnant, had a PUBS (percutaneous uterine blood sampling, where the cord blood is drawn IN UTERO) and gotten results for my fetus, but not myself. Anyway, that fight is over now. They are covering it 100%! They just won't cover it retroactively. So, even though the lab had already extracted my DNA, we have to start all over again.
Here's my little public service announcement for the day:
MOST BREAST CANCER IS NOT GENETIC! 80-90% of breast cancer occurs in women without a significant family history.
Had to get that out of the way bc so many people believe they are not at risk bc "it's not in their family."
There are a few known mutations in the BRCA genes that bring a huge risk of breast cancer (and ovarian cancer) to the unlucky owners. Only about 5% of women/men with this disease actually carry these gene mutations. (We all carry these genes BTW. These genes probably are tumor suppressors when they are intact and fully functional). But, women with one of these gene mutations carry up to an 85% chance of developing breast cancer and up to a 60% chance of developing ovarian cancer. Just like with everyone else, the risk increases with age. Just being of Ashkenazi Jewish descent and being a woman diagnosed with breast ca under the age of 50, my risk of having one of these mutations is about 12%. However, because we already know that there is a BRCA1 gene mutation in the family, there's a little over a 50% chance risk that I do carry this gene.
I did consider having this test done a few years ago (the gene was only isolated in 1994). However, I had no first degree relatives with breast or ovarian cancer (not my mother or sister). Because of that, traditionally, I was not considered to be at a significantly increased risk. Increased, yes, but not a huge increase. Plus, being tested at that time would have brought about fears of genetic discrimination by insurance companies, etc. At this point, I already have had breast cancer, so I am ALREADY at increased risk for getting another breast cancer no matter what. That's a 1% risk each year and it's additive, so it's a 10% risk in 10 yrs, 40% in the next 40 years. Pretty high by itself without adding the possibility of the BRCA gene mutation into the mix. Also, there are laws about discrimination now and the lab will not release the results to any insurance company.
At this point, having these results is probably only for my sister and my daughter. I've decided that I want a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction for a myriad of reasons. I was originally just going to go with a lumpectomy and radiation bc the cancer was caught at such an early stage. I'm just not fond of the increased risk from age alone and I've already taken the watch and wait approach for this half of my life with regards to breast cancer. I'm being proactive with the second half.
Now, as for that cold. It's STILL here. :(
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Eyebrows
I am obsessing over my eyebrows.
They have not fallen out. Actually, it's getting close to the point where they could use a little shaping. Normally, I'd be plucking the stragglers by now. I just can't get myself to do it. What if my eyebrows do start thinning or falling out altogether and THAT one hair is one that was NOT going to fall out????? I don't even like to touch them for fear that I might accelerate the process. Rationally, I know what's going to happen is going to happen. Touching them isn't giong to change anything. My hair has stopped falling out. (Probably going to start falling out again today just bc I wrote that!) I rarely have to shave my legs. Still, I read about others who lost their eyebrows after treatment. I have just one treatment to go, so this could easily be in my immediate future.
I keep looking at eyebrow products on-line, just in case. I can't believe how much is out there for making your own eyebrows or filling in sparse ones! Never been an issue here! I've always had more than enough eyebrow hair of my own. Can't decide whether I should go ahead and get some stencils and powders and the like just to have on hand. I probably will for when we go on vacation at the end of next month. It would just be yet another insult to have them fall out while we are away and not be able to do anything about it.
On other fronts, still fighting that stupid cold. Don't have much of a voice. Still tired compared to normal, the new normal that is. It's a little easier to handle without chemo fog making it a million times worse. Hoping it clears very quickly now so I can get a few good days in before my last treatment. Yes, the LAST one!! Sincerely hoping I'm better and it's not postponed.
They have not fallen out. Actually, it's getting close to the point where they could use a little shaping. Normally, I'd be plucking the stragglers by now. I just can't get myself to do it. What if my eyebrows do start thinning or falling out altogether and THAT one hair is one that was NOT going to fall out????? I don't even like to touch them for fear that I might accelerate the process. Rationally, I know what's going to happen is going to happen. Touching them isn't giong to change anything. My hair has stopped falling out. (Probably going to start falling out again today just bc I wrote that!) I rarely have to shave my legs. Still, I read about others who lost their eyebrows after treatment. I have just one treatment to go, so this could easily be in my immediate future.
I keep looking at eyebrow products on-line, just in case. I can't believe how much is out there for making your own eyebrows or filling in sparse ones! Never been an issue here! I've always had more than enough eyebrow hair of my own. Can't decide whether I should go ahead and get some stencils and powders and the like just to have on hand. I probably will for when we go on vacation at the end of next month. It would just be yet another insult to have them fall out while we are away and not be able to do anything about it.
On other fronts, still fighting that stupid cold. Don't have much of a voice. Still tired compared to normal, the new normal that is. It's a little easier to handle without chemo fog making it a million times worse. Hoping it clears very quickly now so I can get a few good days in before my last treatment. Yes, the LAST one!! Sincerely hoping I'm better and it's not postponed.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Is it over yet? TGIF
Haven't been updating bc it's just been a lousy week. This cold, on top of chemo, has totally done me in.
On Wed, while driving Rachel to dance camp, I ended up getting dizzy and short of breath. Called the oncologist's office (I was just around the corner) and drove right over. Ended up getting a quick dose of steroids and a nebulizer treatment for my asthma along with fluids for a few hours. My lifesaver of a friend, Patria, came and picked me and took me to my internist. Ended up getting another nebulizer treatment there. By then, I was feeling better (not normal, just better) and we were able to go out for lunch. :) Umm... next time we need to have lunch, I'll try to arrange it so it's not an emergency!
And so much for chemo-pause. Chemo typically puts a lot of women into a temporary or not so temporary (depending on your age) menopause. Let's just say that's not an issue here.
On the fun side, I did a last minute layout for Sherry Laffoon and Meridith Watson's new paper line (Bella Fleur) with Sonburn for CHA (Craft and Hobby Association trade show). Beautiful papers!
On Wed, while driving Rachel to dance camp, I ended up getting dizzy and short of breath. Called the oncologist's office (I was just around the corner) and drove right over. Ended up getting a quick dose of steroids and a nebulizer treatment for my asthma along with fluids for a few hours. My lifesaver of a friend, Patria, came and picked me and took me to my internist. Ended up getting another nebulizer treatment there. By then, I was feeling better (not normal, just better) and we were able to go out for lunch. :) Umm... next time we need to have lunch, I'll try to arrange it so it's not an emergency!
And so much for chemo-pause. Chemo typically puts a lot of women into a temporary or not so temporary (depending on your age) menopause. Let's just say that's not an issue here.
On the fun side, I did a last minute layout for Sherry Laffoon and Meridith Watson's new paper line (Bella Fleur) with Sonburn for CHA (Craft and Hobby Association trade show). Beautiful papers!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Not fair
Just not fair.
It wouldn't be fair if it was just a cold in the middle of this blasted heat wave. But on top of chemo, it's just not fair! I took a bigger dose of Ambien CR last night, fell asleep so nicely, and still was up around 4 am, coughing my head off. :( Grabbed an inhaler, made myself a cup of tea and I'm having a pity party until I can take Rachel to camp this morning. Then, I'm going to head to the supermarket, drop off my prescription and raid their shelves for something for this cough, come home and see if I can sleep a little more. Sounds like a plan.
I'd like to think that I'd be feeling fine, or at least OK if it weren't for this cold. I know that might not be true, but it's what I'm going to believe today.
I actually did finish that scrapbook page yesterday. :P There was a "How much it too much?" challenge on my favorite scrapping message board, 2Peas. I think I did use a little too much, but it was fun. I haven't been doing much creating at all lately which made it even more fun. This is Rachel at dance camp last summer. Probably a good idea to scrap some of those photos before I add this year's photos to the pile.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Well that didn't work
Willing today to be a better day has backfired.
I definitely have a summer cold. At least that's what it feels like on top of everything else. The unsettled feeling is better but I've got that fog, fatigue and dizziness thing going on.
Can't remember what my plans were for the day, but whatever they are, they are off. LOL
I did start a scrapbook page this morning. Wanna take bets on how many days it's going to take to finish it?
I definitely have a summer cold. At least that's what it feels like on top of everything else. The unsettled feeling is better but I've got that fog, fatigue and dizziness thing going on.
Can't remember what my plans were for the day, but whatever they are, they are off. LOL
I did start a scrapbook page this morning. Wanna take bets on how many days it's going to take to finish it?
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Day 3, Cycle 3
Hot. Humid. Unsettled stomach.
That's today in a nutshell.
Rachel's off rollerskating and having dinner at a friend's house. Made the day easier bc I'm not good company today.
I'm going to will tomorrow to be a better day again. Not that this is the worst day I've had. Just not one of the good ones like I've had the other two times on day 3. The good news is that I don't have to shave my legs or underarms on a regular basis anymore. :p And the best news is that is only one more day 3 to go through after this!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
The morning after
I KNEW it would be a better day!
Not quite good enough to insert a happy dance. :P But SIGNIFICANTLY better than yesterday! Sleep is an amazing thing. So are all the positive thoughts and prayers that are sent my way. :) I appreciate them more than words can ever say.
I took a bigger dose of Ambien last night. I slept from probably 10 pm to 6 am. :) Love that sleeping through the night thing! Not being exhausted makes such a huge difference in being able to handle all the other side effects that go with this poison coursing through my veins and out my bladder. You should see the interesting colors. And no, I'm not taking a picture. LOL! It wouldn;t show well anyway with our circa-1950 colored toilets. It's now 8am. I've had almost 2 full 8 oz glasses of water (mostly to get the 10 meds down) and I'm working on a cup of herbal tea (pina colada and vanilla bean mixed, from Teavana) to maybe soothe that scratchy throat that started on Thursday night. Rachel and I went a little nuts in Teavana and came home with a bunch of interesting flavors a few weeks ago.. things like banana, black raspberry, vanilla bean and our favorite, pina colada. They have so many flavors out to sample, all flavored with honey (which we don't normally use at home) so they all taste incredible. Some need a little work though (ie sweetening, so maybe I should add some honey. LOL)
It's supposed to be very hot again today, so I plan to take it easy. Would love to scrap a little today, but I say that to myself everyday and have only done a few cards and just one layout in the last month or so. All the cards were thank yous to mail out, didn't scan a single one. No PC submissions at all... felt a little left out when the emails went out yesterday but I didn't submit a thing. I know this is foreign talk to my non-scrapper readers. LOL!
Today is a roll with the flow day.
Not quite good enough to insert a happy dance. :P But SIGNIFICANTLY better than yesterday! Sleep is an amazing thing. So are all the positive thoughts and prayers that are sent my way. :) I appreciate them more than words can ever say.
I took a bigger dose of Ambien last night. I slept from probably 10 pm to 6 am. :) Love that sleeping through the night thing! Not being exhausted makes such a huge difference in being able to handle all the other side effects that go with this poison coursing through my veins and out my bladder. You should see the interesting colors. And no, I'm not taking a picture. LOL! It wouldn;t show well anyway with our circa-1950 colored toilets. It's now 8am. I've had almost 2 full 8 oz glasses of water (mostly to get the 10 meds down) and I'm working on a cup of herbal tea (pina colada and vanilla bean mixed, from Teavana) to maybe soothe that scratchy throat that started on Thursday night. Rachel and I went a little nuts in Teavana and came home with a bunch of interesting flavors a few weeks ago.. things like banana, black raspberry, vanilla bean and our favorite, pina colada. They have so many flavors out to sample, all flavored with honey (which we don't normally use at home) so they all taste incredible. Some need a little work though (ie sweetening, so maybe I should add some honey. LOL)
It's supposed to be very hot again today, so I plan to take it easy. Would love to scrap a little today, but I say that to myself everyday and have only done a few cards and just one layout in the last month or so. All the cards were thank yous to mail out, didn't scan a single one. No PC submissions at all... felt a little left out when the emails went out yesterday but I didn't submit a thing. I know this is foreign talk to my non-scrapper readers. LOL!
Today is a roll with the flow day.
Friday, July 14, 2006
chemo day update
Accessing the port did not hurt this time. Barely felt it at all. :) A very good thing! Used both the EMLA and the spray.
I went into this tired today. I'm a little anemic compared to where I started so that may have a tiny bit to do with it. Not enough to need meds for. If I drop further, that may mean another injection. Not a big deal. I also didn't take a sleeping pill the night before (hi Patria! LOL), I only take them a few days after chemo, but might just take one before the next one in 2 weeks. I did some puzzles (the ever popular sudoku) and read a bit. I even tried to take a short nap but I'm too light of a sleeper, especially in a medical environment. One of the docs came into the room and was asking a nurse the dose for something. Somehow, I could hear that in my sleep (if any of my medical friends are around, they'll relate. it's a holdover from residency) and I instantly woke up and gave them the answer.
I left VERY tired. Came home and napped a little. Woke up and picked up Rachel, came home and went back to bed. I'm up now bc I needed a Zofran. I need to sit up and get another cup or two of liquids in as well. Not happy bc in the last 2 cycles, I didn't take it on the first day bc I felt that I needed it. I just took it the first night as a preventative according to the schedule I was given. Actually, in the time I've been sitting here, I think the Zofran is starting to kick in a little. Maybe I can actually eat dinner soon. :) I'm thinking soup for me tonight- more liquids and light on the tummy.
Waiting for the steroid induced energy to kick in! That will take me through Monday. Yeah, yeah. The steroids are why I need sleeping pills for a few days and why I am going to eat us out of house and home, but they are good for that burst of energy!!
I went into this tired today. I'm a little anemic compared to where I started so that may have a tiny bit to do with it. Not enough to need meds for. If I drop further, that may mean another injection. Not a big deal. I also didn't take a sleeping pill the night before (hi Patria! LOL), I only take them a few days after chemo, but might just take one before the next one in 2 weeks. I did some puzzles (the ever popular sudoku) and read a bit. I even tried to take a short nap but I'm too light of a sleeper, especially in a medical environment. One of the docs came into the room and was asking a nurse the dose for something. Somehow, I could hear that in my sleep (if any of my medical friends are around, they'll relate. it's a holdover from residency) and I instantly woke up and gave them the answer.
I left VERY tired. Came home and napped a little. Woke up and picked up Rachel, came home and went back to bed. I'm up now bc I needed a Zofran. I need to sit up and get another cup or two of liquids in as well. Not happy bc in the last 2 cycles, I didn't take it on the first day bc I felt that I needed it. I just took it the first night as a preventative according to the schedule I was given. Actually, in the time I've been sitting here, I think the Zofran is starting to kick in a little. Maybe I can actually eat dinner soon. :) I'm thinking soup for me tonight- more liquids and light on the tummy.
Waiting for the steroid induced energy to kick in! That will take me through Monday. Yeah, yeah. The steroids are why I need sleeping pills for a few days and why I am going to eat us out of house and home, but they are good for that burst of energy!!
One, two, three, four, five....
I just counted. If I didn't leave anything out, I have 10 medications to take this morning. That does not count the ones I'll get in the office. I think there will be 5 more (Benadryl, Decadron, Aloxi, Adriamycin and Cytoxan). Then, later in the day, I'll add in Zofran and at night, I'll add in my new best friend, Ambien CR (sleeping pill) plus a second dose of some of the ones I took in the morning. I think that brings the grand total for the day to 20.
The only good thing I can think of this morning is that after today, I only need to do this once more!!
And here is where I'd rather be today....
The only good thing I can think of this morning is that after today, I only need to do this once more!!
And here is where I'd rather be today....
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